7/11/07

Wheee...today iz a meaningful day nia...didnt do much of my project...but went to watch Stardust nia at midvalley wif a group of frens!!!...Yvaine iz so beautiful!! the story iz so good!! funny n nice!!..the romance part iz great!! Hahahah...a few years ago i dunno how to appreciate romance yet nia...coz i nvr experienced love or dunno the definition of love yet...now after a lot i feel i can understand a part of it de...but i still havent been in a relationship b4 nia...love sumone got lah...anywayz i will remember the story as long as i could...but so many great movies r coming out...tis sem break i m gona stock up on dvds...now my home finally got dvd player nia..last time rely on my old ps2 as well as my laptop...if possible i wana watch Stardust again...let it remind me bout the beauty of love once more...n see Yvaine in action again~~..her smile, her hair...brilliant gold!! so straight n soft...if i could run my fingers through such hair...if she would cut it..i dun even wana imagine...so hard to grow it so long nia!!!...now i think i know the problem wif my hair de...itz not soft enuf...tatz y itz always out of control...no need to do rebonding lah...let me try making my hair soft n manageable first...hehehe...all the good stuff iz over..now to the bad...i missed out on an event de...so many ppl aledi know my phone iz not in perfect condition yet they call me...sum knew i had sumthing else to do but nvr spoke up...n finally they decided to keep things from me wen they know it will hurt me more...but the fact iz...by u keeping...u think i would hav felt better? especially wen i know the truth?...u think u r making things better?...nvr heard of 'better late than never?'...if i rejected u myself then u nvr mind lah...wen things r actually getting better...the peace always get shattered...now i dunno how to feel anymore...i m writing tis wif a surprisingly calm emotion...i guess tis was bcoz my plans were too perfect? i wanted to distance myself from tis group...the group tat hurts me over n over again...so now itz tat effective tat no one cares bout me anymore...i m not needed anywhere, my presence iz not important...no more frens...juz sumone tat lives in the same hostel...everyone...if u hav taken tis step...if u really dun wana care for me anymore...stop giving me hope...stop acting as though u regret wen u obviously dont...u r like healing an injury juz to stab at it again...u know how despicable n low tat tactic iz? why dont u juz end it once n for all?...try telling the girl u love...tat u love her then throw her aside...moments later u said u were juz kidding then u said gimme a chance...the girl loves u...so one more chance...then u throw her away again...over n over again she accepted u n u denied her...u think tatz veli bad right? think bout yurselves...to even b associated wif ppl like tis...ceh....today i hav experienced the joys of being single as well as the joys if i found my partner...by being single, i can admire the beauty of others as well as experience various love stories so tat i can b a better lover perhaps? hehe...by being wif a partner, u can share so many things...n u know (in my case) she wont ever betray u....hopefully lah...hahaha...she will b there to comfort u, to share yur happiness, to walk wif u...how come tonight no stars shining geh? hehehe....

6/11/2007

Ok i wana break the habit of sleeping after 4am....now iz onli 2.30..hehehe will go sleep soon..today iz a bad day...i m kinda tired...but not sleepy...kenot concentrate on my work either...so didnt do much...if i m sleepy i could hav slept..but i dun feel sleepy...so i tried doing my work...coz the project iz due during one of my papers...havto finish earlier...didnt do much as well...one whole day waste joh...haihz..there goes my 1 day of rest i planned earlier...coz i was planning to finish the project in 5 days, do revision for 4 days while play 1 day...nvr mind lah...think of it as money saved i guess...watz the difference of watching a movie in midvalley alone n watchin the movie later through dvd??....timelength i guess...it will b long b4 they release a dvd wif good quality...argh!!! feel veli sien now...veli stressed...veli terrible...juz now chat wif a senior who graduated tis year...she talked bout memories...then i thought of a cool quote...here goes : memories are entries in a diary titled 'Life'...but as she talked more on the topic i started to feel uncomfortable...dunno why...mayb i disagree wif her point of view? Memories...to me are events in yur life tat made a mark in yur existence...it influenced u sumhow...consists of moments...a small time frame in yur life tat either makes u happy or sad in general...can b recalled through momentos...items tat happen to b around wen the memory was made...hahaha...tat definition of momento i take from an anime de...seems veli true n meaningful...mayb my own definition iz wrong...wat are memories? wat are my memories? she kept on saying bout those events tat will make u smile wen u think about it later...sure...i got a lot...but most of it end in sadness...back in primary school i got a group of frens so close we did a lot of things together...we did stupid things as well as meaningful things...we made nicknames for each other...but it all ended in a tearful farewell wen 1 from the group hav to follow his family elsewhere...then all of us went our separate ways...sum joined gangsters...sum went to other states to pursue a job as they think studying iz a waste of time...then i was left wif a new group of frens...separated wif sum after form 3...didnt really hav a reunion or anything...all hav new gangs in form 4 de...juz said hi occasionally...in form 5 separation again...those successful in studies went overseas...while sum of us stayed behind...form 6 new group nia...a lot of things happen...all of us grow up de...feelings...negative feelings r formed among all of us...jealousy, betrayal, pride...all of tis were unheard of wen v r younger...i was tired of tis lifestyle aledi loh...no true frens...so in form 6 didnt bother much wif other ppl...onli mix wif a few...then there were females...i nvr really mixed wif girls b4...even in tuition..after i find out tat they onli talk to me wen they wana copy...tat i m onli useful as an answer sheet...tat happened in form 4? forgot liao..those things i rather not remember so clearly...i can talk whole night but it iz almost 3 de loh...i better stop here...she claimed tat if i wan my life to change...to b better..i hav to change first...my way of thinking hav to change...hahaha...wat do u think?...i was nvr really in control of my life...even if i tried...i think i cannot sustain past frenships...even if i dun get a new group or forget bout old frens...i cant say tat those old frens nvr get a new group of their own...oh yeah...forgot to say tat onli 2-3 of my schoolmates stay near me...SCHOOLMATES..not classmates...i kenot yumcha wif them, i kenot play basketball wif them etc...ok loh..i better stop here...

5/11/2007

Urgh....nowadays always sleep after 4am de =_=...my health will surely suffer...but i feel the best in the middle of the night...peaceful n cool...juz now went supper...including me 3 ppl onli...one of them a fren i havent really chat wif for quite sum time de...the sky was clear...the rain juz stopped not tat long ago...air was cool..the stars was visible...i guess onli i will appreciate tis kind of things...during supper i found out tat everyone iz changing...or mayb i m still too naive about the real world...now a lot of ppl r focusing on earning money...even though still studying...sum do part time jobs...a lot r interested in marketing, insurance, or investments aledi...haihz...mayb i m having an easy life tat i do not need to worry such things right now?...i dunno ler...but i dun like it...the way everyone iz changing...the days where v r carefree...izzit gone forever? no point lying in an empty field enjoying the wind by myself...wonder wat the future holds? after supper on my way back i was greeted by a swarm of bugs!! flying around the street lights was hundreds or thousands of them...as i ride through a lot of it banged into my bike n helmet...luckily none on my face..it was scary...like those horror movies...i kept looking at my side mirror to see if any of it followed me...and yeah i was alone coz i need to buy snacks at 7-11...so they went back first...n the road was veli quiet...no other vehicles...hahaha...today...hm...did sum work...i guess itz progress but not fast enuf ler...but i will do more tomolo...i think i m getting sick of playing games de...almost everyday a few rounds...if i m tired of doing work mayb i will juz lie around or take a walk or sumthing...today didnt go to the library to do work nia...juz didnt feel like it i guess...bringing my laptop up n down...furthermore i wont b spending tat much time in the library...itz boring doing work like tat...if study ok lah....need to concentrate...i like to play n work at the same time....work n study not the same hehehe....n i hav no one to discuss or chat wif anyways...no coursemates or anything...itz a fact lah...i m not being depressed bout it so no worries...everyone who goes there r studying...if i wana find ppl to chat i better sit in room n go on9...however i think itz also the same...exam season nia...how many ppl behave like me? as if not exam...hahaha...but i do wish i hav sumone i can talk to anytime...like now...4 sumthing in the morning...hm...it would b nice to chat wif a girl whole night even if using sms onli...well i can keep on dreaming cant i? n i wont accept those not s/a nia...no 'feel'..hahaha...even if itz ok wif u n yur partner, i myself dun like it...earlier actually i was asking around for ppl to eat supper de...one fella said dun wan i think...wat does 'i think no lo' mean to u?...then later he said 1am can go...i felt he was trying to readjust his tight schedule for me...i shud hav known better...or mayb he had other motives..hm...like setting me up...coz i m not tat close wif the group anymore...mayb he iz trying to get everyone together? last time during supper he juz drank teh ais i think...he got no intent of eating..he juz went bcoz sumone ask him to...so later i juz say nvr mind de...juz asking for fun...our frenship...wasnt tat strong to begin wif...i did everything i could..i was desperate to get accepted into the group...but in the end i juz hurt myself...n i know tat bonds formed in haste will oso b broken just as quickly...so i wana forget about it...let things be lah...i wont die...no one will...sumthings kenot be forced...hahaha...mayb can remain as casual frens where v share a laugh once in a while or sms a bit...a true fren? itz too late for tat....second year first sem almost finish loh...to those who find a good fren since first year first sem n still going strong now...cherish him/her...appreciate him/her...not everyone iz as lucky to hav one...oh yeah...if u feel tat sumone hav a misunderstanding of the my current situation or emotion u can give the address of tis blog if tat sumone dunno how to ask me...of course i would prefer they ask me as i can explain it more clearly...but i know i m not tat approachable sumtimes...got ppl saying tat since secondary skool...but onli give the address as a last resort...u can copy the whole thing in a word document then send nia~~ hahaha...okloh...5 am oso come liao loh...i still got lots of things to say...n i m afraid tat i will forget...but if i could think of it now...mayb i can think of it tomolo nia..bb~~