The day itself was long. In my shoes, it was never ending. Now, where was I?
As my colleague escorted me to his car, I tried my best to avoid staining the seat with my blood. My mind is very much awake as I explained what happened and asked where are we going next. Apparently we have to report to the police first before seeking further treatment at the hospital. Worst, we need to travel to the main station at city center. It sounds very much wrong but at that point I just take it as the correct answer since I have no experience in hit and run accidents and the procedures that follow. Thankfully the painkillers were doing a great job and I managed to maintain my composure throughout the journey as I try to hide my injuries. Imagine if you were driving beside and you saw someone pale and bloodied staring back with dead eyes. Needless to say it was horrible.
Next, imagine the driver getting a bit lost. The horribly injured man have to dig his phone and hold the navigator. I cannot be bothered to complain because I simply want to get treated soonest possible and that means lodging the police report first. Finally we made it there but another funny thing happened. I am supposed to walk in there myself as he went off to find parking. However, I guess there isn't much choice either. And so, with blood still fresh, I hobbled into the police station with people staring and curious people asking questions. I went through the door and to my horror there were a lot of people. I limped to an empty spot and just collapsed there. Needless to say, the officers there did not even bat an eyelid. Thankfully, my colleague came in after a while and we found out I can actually seek treatment first and lodge the report at the police box in the hospital. Away we go.
At the hospital the same thing happened. I limped through the emergency ward entrance and approached the first counter I saw. The officer is helpful and asked me to sit down there while he tends to his current case. Another health worker came by, asked about my condition and got me a wheelchair. I never sat on a wheelchair before. Can't say I was never curious but the price to pay is indeed too great. As I waited, suddenly a group of doctors in training walked in. I guess it is a common sight since this is an university hospital. They stared at me. To them, I must look like an interesting specimen. At this point, I could not be bothered anymore. The officer finished my initial registration and 2 helpful trainee doctors pushed me towards the next counter. At the same time, my colleague came in.
I was assigned a number and my colleague pushed me to the waiting area for outpatient treatment. I do not qualify for emergency treatment since I am very much conscious and without relatively serious injuries. I mean all my limbs are still intact at least. Since outpatient includes your everyday elderly uncle or sickly kids, it was very uncomfortable to be there to say the least. Staring is one thing but you get a lot of noise too. I started to get used to the pain. Maybe I am just numb. It felt like forever before my number flashed and I was rolled into the ward. The doctor in charge looked young. Too young in fact. But who am I to doubt the capabilities of one deemed qualified to be treating me? She peeled away some of the bandages to check the extent of the injuries. Hurt like hell. Asked me to try clenching both fists, move my arms and legs. Hurt like hell. Then she applied pressure to my chest and my stomach to try and detect internal injuries. Awkward. Like.
Once the diagnosis is finished, I was prescribed x-ray to check my wrist and skull, and a jab of painkillers on my butt. We went for the painkillers first. I have never gotten a needle to my butt. But how can it compare to the pain I am suffering currently I thought. It went better than expected and we went to wait for x-ray. I was staring at people and they stared back. Finally it was my turn and I was expecting a much more professional approach. They simply asked me to close my eyes when they are trying to take a x-ray of my skull. I think if I were to open my eyes even a bit I would be blinded for life. Wouldn't a special blindfold be much more reassuring and secure? I was rolled away when they are done, very unimpressed. Now we need to get back to the doctor to see the x-ray results.
My skull and wrist is safe and so I was given 3 days of medical leave, painkillers from the pharmacy and some wound cleaning at a separate ward. My colleague tried to ask for more leave but she claimed that is the max they are permitted to grant. I simply kept quiet. At the wound cleaning ward, my colleague went off to line up for the pharmacy and subsequently settle the bill while I waited for their shift to change. It was lunchtime. It has been around 4 hours since the accident. I am still complaining at least. Managed to have a chat with another patient waiting after me. He and his son were involved in an accident and his son was admitted into emergency arm due to a broken arm. He escaped with scrapes and bruises. I wished him well as the health officer asked me to enter. To my surprise, he simply dabbed yellow lotion and promptly escorted me out. The wounds are left fresh and raw, without dressing. What the hell?
That's it for today. I will blog again soonest possible. New job is very tiring.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
I asked for change. My accident pt 1
After sitting here for 30 minutes thinking about starting this long overdue blog post, I realized that what happened in the past month was something I wanted in a very indirect way. A while back I was getting sick of the monotony of it all and wished there will be change. My life changed. Both for better and for worst, surprisingly. Before I get to the subject matter, I skipped October because there really isn't much worth blogging about. There is progress in gym but hardly noticeable. I guess I have hit a plateau in appearance for now. But thanks to the change in my life recently, the December schedule is impossible now. I wanted to give myself a birthday present by achieving something at the gym. Sounds lame but hey it is something.
The good change is actually me landing a new job at hopefully a better place with better pay. Yes, after more than 2 years of reading about how I hated my job, maybe I will be able to love my new job. No guarantees though. Maybe there will be different problems. My boss was not surprised though. And I pity my colleague who needs to pick up after me. Not that my work is horrible but there is so much to follow up. I am proud to say I did a lot of stuff but so did my colleague. Now her responsibilities more than doubled-up. Regarding my new job, I am still involved in online development but at a different area. This time it is focused on cloud computing. For the tech-savvy, I will be working on Software as a Service products. I will be starting on November 11 so it is both exciting and nerve-wracking. How will things turn out?
As for the bad, I was involved in a motorcycle accident. No broken bones but I will get to that later. What I want to do now is basically chronicle the entire incident for my personal reference. This is not something I want to forget. It was Tuesday, 22 October 2013. I just handed in my resignation letter less than a week ago but I will be leaving on the 31st so my focus is on preparing documentation for some stuff that I did and am currently doing. Anyway I wasn't early nor late on the day and traffic was okay. As I cruise along, a line of cars appeared waiting for the traffic light further down the road so I kept to the left. The cars can cut out the right side but usually people cut in instead. I thought I was safe. I was wrong. There is no left turning except for one near the petrol station. People might use it as a detour to the front of the line. Thinking it was just any other day, I paid no heed as I approached the turning while maintaining a steady speed forward. Then a taxi turned and hit me.
Last thing I remembered was struggling to maintain balance then grimacing for the fall. I had no idea what happened next. I opened my eyes to see blood everywhere as I tried to make sense of my surroundings. I tried to search for my bag as I carried my personal laptop on that day. The pain has not set in yet. Still in a daze I could hear a lot of noise as people from a constructions side nearby approached to help. Then someone tapped me on the shoulder to my surprise. It was an auntie who was behind the taxi earlier and she told me the taxi ran away. I do not remember much but somehow I ended up asking her to take me to a nearby clinic for help. They said I have to go to the hospital but at that moment I could only think of the clinic near my office. My thoughts empty as I got into her car while trying very hard not to stain it with blood.
Thankfully I was able to direct her to the clinic without incident though once I started thinking again, I was terrified at the extent of my injuries. She stopped her car as she rushed to the clinic on second floor while I wait. It was a horrible feeling. Thankfully the adrenaline kept me awake and the pain minimal. Once she returned, she helped me into the lift. Luckily nobody else was around. As I was escorted into the treatment room the doctor started to analyze my wounds and the nurses got to work cleaning up to the best of the capabilities. The pain sets in and I start to feel dizzy and nauseous. It is here. This is not my first accident so I know the symptoms of adrenaline pullback all too well. As I grit my teeth and endured the pain while trying to do what the doctor says, one of the nurse mentioned 'Doctor, there is so much blood'.
They cut skin and dabbed antiseptic. The pain numbed everything. The doctor gestured to the nurse for painkillers and to take good care of my palms knowing that it is central to all hand movement and vital for recovery. The nurse asked if I had my breakfast yet and I promptly said no. At that moment I am basically begging for painkillers or alcohol solution. The pain is beyond numbness. I wanted everything to just go away. It was beyond my mental capacity. Breakfast is the least of my concern. But in a deep corner of my brain I thought, I would be eating breakfast on my table as usual, if only. It stops there. Nothing can change the fact I am lying here with pain coursing through my entire body, cursing everything I know.
Once the first aid is done, I was escorted out of the treatment room. Still in a daze as to what happened I sat at the waiting area. Instead of wasting time complaining I contacted my colleagues for help. I thank the lady, got her number and told her my colleague is on his way. She wished me well and she left me there. I can't possibly ask her to stay with me. But I felt something weird. Eyes. Everyone there is staring at me. Looking. I felt horrible. I cannot hide. I cannot do anything. Time passed slowly as I waited for my colleague. They were whispering. I felt very uncomfortable. However, little did I know that this is the beginning of my nightmare. When someone I recognize came through the front door, I felt relieved. Finally. To say that he was shocked at my condition is an understatement.
That's it for part 1. It's already quite long. I will continue tomorrow hopefully.
The good change is actually me landing a new job at hopefully a better place with better pay. Yes, after more than 2 years of reading about how I hated my job, maybe I will be able to love my new job. No guarantees though. Maybe there will be different problems. My boss was not surprised though. And I pity my colleague who needs to pick up after me. Not that my work is horrible but there is so much to follow up. I am proud to say I did a lot of stuff but so did my colleague. Now her responsibilities more than doubled-up. Regarding my new job, I am still involved in online development but at a different area. This time it is focused on cloud computing. For the tech-savvy, I will be working on Software as a Service products. I will be starting on November 11 so it is both exciting and nerve-wracking. How will things turn out?
As for the bad, I was involved in a motorcycle accident. No broken bones but I will get to that later. What I want to do now is basically chronicle the entire incident for my personal reference. This is not something I want to forget. It was Tuesday, 22 October 2013. I just handed in my resignation letter less than a week ago but I will be leaving on the 31st so my focus is on preparing documentation for some stuff that I did and am currently doing. Anyway I wasn't early nor late on the day and traffic was okay. As I cruise along, a line of cars appeared waiting for the traffic light further down the road so I kept to the left. The cars can cut out the right side but usually people cut in instead. I thought I was safe. I was wrong. There is no left turning except for one near the petrol station. People might use it as a detour to the front of the line. Thinking it was just any other day, I paid no heed as I approached the turning while maintaining a steady speed forward. Then a taxi turned and hit me.
Last thing I remembered was struggling to maintain balance then grimacing for the fall. I had no idea what happened next. I opened my eyes to see blood everywhere as I tried to make sense of my surroundings. I tried to search for my bag as I carried my personal laptop on that day. The pain has not set in yet. Still in a daze I could hear a lot of noise as people from a constructions side nearby approached to help. Then someone tapped me on the shoulder to my surprise. It was an auntie who was behind the taxi earlier and she told me the taxi ran away. I do not remember much but somehow I ended up asking her to take me to a nearby clinic for help. They said I have to go to the hospital but at that moment I could only think of the clinic near my office. My thoughts empty as I got into her car while trying very hard not to stain it with blood.
Thankfully I was able to direct her to the clinic without incident though once I started thinking again, I was terrified at the extent of my injuries. She stopped her car as she rushed to the clinic on second floor while I wait. It was a horrible feeling. Thankfully the adrenaline kept me awake and the pain minimal. Once she returned, she helped me into the lift. Luckily nobody else was around. As I was escorted into the treatment room the doctor started to analyze my wounds and the nurses got to work cleaning up to the best of the capabilities. The pain sets in and I start to feel dizzy and nauseous. It is here. This is not my first accident so I know the symptoms of adrenaline pullback all too well. As I grit my teeth and endured the pain while trying to do what the doctor says, one of the nurse mentioned 'Doctor, there is so much blood'.
They cut skin and dabbed antiseptic. The pain numbed everything. The doctor gestured to the nurse for painkillers and to take good care of my palms knowing that it is central to all hand movement and vital for recovery. The nurse asked if I had my breakfast yet and I promptly said no. At that moment I am basically begging for painkillers or alcohol solution. The pain is beyond numbness. I wanted everything to just go away. It was beyond my mental capacity. Breakfast is the least of my concern. But in a deep corner of my brain I thought, I would be eating breakfast on my table as usual, if only. It stops there. Nothing can change the fact I am lying here with pain coursing through my entire body, cursing everything I know.
Once the first aid is done, I was escorted out of the treatment room. Still in a daze as to what happened I sat at the waiting area. Instead of wasting time complaining I contacted my colleagues for help. I thank the lady, got her number and told her my colleague is on his way. She wished me well and she left me there. I can't possibly ask her to stay with me. But I felt something weird. Eyes. Everyone there is staring at me. Looking. I felt horrible. I cannot hide. I cannot do anything. Time passed slowly as I waited for my colleague. They were whispering. I felt very uncomfortable. However, little did I know that this is the beginning of my nightmare. When someone I recognize came through the front door, I felt relieved. Finally. To say that he was shocked at my condition is an understatement.
That's it for part 1. It's already quite long. I will continue tomorrow hopefully.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
My take on fate
You do not change fate, fate changes you. You cannot change reality, reality changes you.
That is the conclusion I came to today. It answered many things. Fate does not dictate how you live. Fate is a destination. What you do there is up to you. For example, fate brought you to Kuala Lumpur. You can return to Ipoh or you can stay and work. So you only adapt. We were given the illusion that we could control our own fate just because we are allowed to make decisions. No, we follow the flow of coincidence and circumstance. We sculpt our life by living within the boundaries of reality. We decide what to eat, who to talk to and where to go but we will eventually arrive at a predetermined location or situation that is the culmination of everything else around us. That is fate. That is reality. Once the situation hits you, you cannot change the situation anymore but just progress from the situation.
My fate? I guess my fate is to stay alone. I still have no idea if I am that annoying or simply not approachable. Many things happened but today is seriously the tipping point. Never have I gotten so emotional since breaking down in the hostel toilet many years ago. All I could think is that this is how it should be. This is unavoidable. One place after another, one group of people after another. There is no mistaking it, I am bound to end up isolated. Everyone walk around in groups, with people, sit together and chat. Eat together. Not for me. I know there is definitely a reason why people are avoiding me but nobody is telling me about it either. So I do not deserve to know what I have been doing wrong either? I have tried many things. I have grown mellow. I try to practice what I preach, become more understanding and patient. Becoming more generous. But all is for naught I guess. I cannot change anything.
I did not accept this. I wanted to fight on. Now I just want to know, if my definition of fate is correct and if it is truly my fate to be alone. Then I will accept it and live my life knowing that it is really how it should be. I have always been bothered by my lack of finances. And I understand people do not care about that. It is my problem to solve. And if I do not cough up the dough, I will be dropped, easy as that. Of course it is done in subtlety. One outing after another, until I can hold on no longer. Same thing with transport and everything else. It is my problem that I can't go long distance or in the rain. It is my problem that I have trouble with a particular someone. I always told myself, perhaps this place is not suitable for me. The thinking of the people itself is different. I am the odd one out. It is not my fate to be here. But is that really so? Is everyone the same? Let's hope not.
I was so emotionally distraught that I could not concentrate on my work after the incident. My thoughts torn asunder by the maelstrom of feelings, I can only engage myself in chatting to keep myself distracted. Somehow I have always been able to maintain proper control when dealing with others. The chaos subsided but has not gone away. Thankfully there is the gym. What would I do without it? My thoughts sorted, it is time to turn the stress to strength. Now my arms are weak but my soul rejuvenated. As I type this blog, my mind winces in pain but it is not hurt by the memories. Complete memories of certain events. Both a bane and a boon.
Well how did you like that? Always wanted to write in a dramatic way. I guess that is all for now. Had fun riding on the creative train to jot down my thoughts and feelings actually. Oh yeah, I will disable the video autoplay thing. I guess forcing it is no good. Hopefully things will pick up again. Have a nice day. Or might as well have a nice month. Nobody wishes another like that before right?
That is the conclusion I came to today. It answered many things. Fate does not dictate how you live. Fate is a destination. What you do there is up to you. For example, fate brought you to Kuala Lumpur. You can return to Ipoh or you can stay and work. So you only adapt. We were given the illusion that we could control our own fate just because we are allowed to make decisions. No, we follow the flow of coincidence and circumstance. We sculpt our life by living within the boundaries of reality. We decide what to eat, who to talk to and where to go but we will eventually arrive at a predetermined location or situation that is the culmination of everything else around us. That is fate. That is reality. Once the situation hits you, you cannot change the situation anymore but just progress from the situation.
My fate? I guess my fate is to stay alone. I still have no idea if I am that annoying or simply not approachable. Many things happened but today is seriously the tipping point. Never have I gotten so emotional since breaking down in the hostel toilet many years ago. All I could think is that this is how it should be. This is unavoidable. One place after another, one group of people after another. There is no mistaking it, I am bound to end up isolated. Everyone walk around in groups, with people, sit together and chat. Eat together. Not for me. I know there is definitely a reason why people are avoiding me but nobody is telling me about it either. So I do not deserve to know what I have been doing wrong either? I have tried many things. I have grown mellow. I try to practice what I preach, become more understanding and patient. Becoming more generous. But all is for naught I guess. I cannot change anything.
I did not accept this. I wanted to fight on. Now I just want to know, if my definition of fate is correct and if it is truly my fate to be alone. Then I will accept it and live my life knowing that it is really how it should be. I have always been bothered by my lack of finances. And I understand people do not care about that. It is my problem to solve. And if I do not cough up the dough, I will be dropped, easy as that. Of course it is done in subtlety. One outing after another, until I can hold on no longer. Same thing with transport and everything else. It is my problem that I can't go long distance or in the rain. It is my problem that I have trouble with a particular someone. I always told myself, perhaps this place is not suitable for me. The thinking of the people itself is different. I am the odd one out. It is not my fate to be here. But is that really so? Is everyone the same? Let's hope not.
I was so emotionally distraught that I could not concentrate on my work after the incident. My thoughts torn asunder by the maelstrom of feelings, I can only engage myself in chatting to keep myself distracted. Somehow I have always been able to maintain proper control when dealing with others. The chaos subsided but has not gone away. Thankfully there is the gym. What would I do without it? My thoughts sorted, it is time to turn the stress to strength. Now my arms are weak but my soul rejuvenated. As I type this blog, my mind winces in pain but it is not hurt by the memories. Complete memories of certain events. Both a bane and a boon.
Well how did you like that? Always wanted to write in a dramatic way. I guess that is all for now. Had fun riding on the creative train to jot down my thoughts and feelings actually. Oh yeah, I will disable the video autoplay thing. I guess forcing it is no good. Hopefully things will pick up again. Have a nice day. Or might as well have a nice month. Nobody wishes another like that before right?
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