31/10/2007

So sleepy now oh...juz studied a bit today...for the friday paper...a lot of things to cover...even though read through it 2 times quickly but onli part of it sticks...sumhow i m veli afraid...the onli way i can be sure how i will score would be to sit for the exam...no way i can predict it...furthermore most of us oso dunno bout the scope of the exam...sum say earlier chapters...sum say onli those after midsem...tomolo i will browse through those earlier chapters a bit...need to spend more time on it aledi hahaha...today still play a lot of games in the morning n afternoon...tis morning wake up early again coz lecturer told us to come...the lecturer was late =_=...anyway he came to give us the marks for the final assignment tat v handed in on the 22nd October...i guess he juz marked it quickly...he iz rather generous wif the marks...dunno if v truly deserve it or not...i got a good score as well...but sumthing iz bothering me coz wen i see the total carry marks it iz wrong...mayb he calculated it wrongly?? dunno lah...couldnt care much bout it aledi...the next time it would b my sem grades during the holidays aledi..juz do my best i guess...everyone iz twitchy regarding tis subject...actually most of the subjects r kinda bad...even my programming...urgh...my marks r third in the class wif a B+ mark for midsem...i m the 'connector' between high scorers n average students...hahaha...dunno bout the total carry marks though as still hav a project due 19th november...another headache...haihz....i dun think i can maintain my pointer for tis sem...mayb drop a bit...hopefully juz a bit...my last hope would b scoring an A in 1 major subject...but tat paper iz still far away...if i could nail 1 A...i know i will b ok...coz there iz a high probability tat i will end up wif a B+ in one of the major subjects...tat will pull down stuff a lot...but life iz nvr predictable...mayb my marks will b higher than expected? or lower T_T ...hm....my eyelids getting heavy aledi...juz barely passed 12...didnt really sleep in the afternoon...juz now slept a bit while studying as well...hehehe...disrupted my flow though...wat lese happened today...went to pasar mlm..bought a lot of things...ah...nothing much to talk aledi...but i still wana blog nia...feels nice typing a lot of stuff...weird hor?...i think i shud juz stop b4 i say more weird things again...

30/10/2007

First paper down de...4 more to go...er...average start...coz the paper today i think can onli get B+...A- at best...duno...actually the paper iz one of my chances to get back in the race for dean's list...but now the chances r getting slimmer..perhaps there will be sum surprises in the other subjects? even though i dun like it...but scoring my first year pointer aint tat bad now...3.59..wakakka 0.01 more till dean's list level...wonder how will i graduate? if i could really achieve first class honors then it will b nice...i can make my parents happy, i m happy wif myself n oso gain sum advantage while looking for work...who knows? mayb i will attempt another year? But by then a lot of ppl will b gone...everything will b different...heck things r different everyday...either it gets better or it gets worse...it moves...nvr stands still...today play games whole morning n afternoon to rip my mind away from the exam earlier...to b honest i m not happy wif the exam nia...a lot of mistakes...cost me a lot of marks...marks tat i could hav gained instead...almost lost my appetite for lunch...but went out to eat anyway...played games till evening...grab a nap...continued playing then go dinner wif a junior...nowadays always spend time wif the junior...wonder if he gets bored wif me...dunno lah...oh yeah...forgot bout sumthing yesterday...i chatted a bit wif the ppl running the rice stall where i go lunch frequently..sumhow i feel kinda warm...they r good ppl...haihz...to live my life alone right now...sumhow i m standing between total breakdown n depression n peace...i guess i dun hav time nor the energy to think bout tis stuff now...i guess i finally m able to see their true nature? tat i m not worth being frens wif...mayb tatz the reason why i dun feel tat terrible like i used to...i hav made certain my doubts...sure it hurts to b alone...but not as bad as being hurt by ppl we think of as frens...who iz correct n who iz wrong? m i overreacting? no one can really judge it as every side hav their own story to tell...n their own feelings...sumhow i feel i got nowhere to go to now...back home, my neighbourhood frens hav all changed...sum working, sum not...but all of them r not the same as i remember them...furthermore being separated so long...feelings grew thin...it was not really tat thick to begin wif anyway hahaha...here...i got no one as well...a lot of ppl claim to b my fren..tat they will b there for me...ah...how many times hav i seen or heard those words...if there were any truth in it, i wouldnt be making tis post now would i? hehehe...sum ppl fear me...sum ppl dun like me at all...those sweet words earlier r juz for the moment...itz the correct thing to say?? i dun think so...dun make empty promises n get my hopes up high...i will always reply, i will always b here no matter wat...but if u dun talk to me, i wont talk to u nia...how can friendship b so brittle? if i dun kacau ppl, they dun kacau me de...sumtimes i kacau oso no reply...but i will respond...i guess itz the same as others..mayb i shud kacau ppl instead...but izzit really no one will even try to talk to me wen i m being silent? mayb i m waiting? but...mayb u r waiting as well eh?? hm....sumthing to think about wen i sleep tonight...AHHHH!!!! now onli i remember about it aledi...till now i onli kacau those 'available' ppl nia..'taken' ppl dun wan kacau de...tatz why my contact list so small...forgot bout tis important factor tim...so the onli way iz look downwards? towards the juniors?? there r other 'available' ppl geh...but i m not tat close to them to begin wif or they r veli bz wif their societies n activities...n i m not part of their societies or activities...argh..dammit everything iz related....i better stop now..tomolo need to meet lecturer at 8.30am...now almost 2 liao...

28/10/2007

Heh....exam eve aledi loh...as relaxed as ever...tonight will sleep early de...later will review my notes one last time b4 going to sleep...in the meantime i guess i shouldnt be playing any games to relax...mayb watch anime or juz listen to songs while lying on the bed...oh yeah i still havent take my bath nia...tomolo 830 am...will wake up around 730 am...the paper onli lasts 2 hours..tatz pretty short..i feel like i hav covered most of everything but a part of me oso telling me tat i shud read more...i guess i juz dun wana feel any regret after the exam as well as to ensure i get at least an above average result?? i can onli hope...everyone iz doing their best de...i shouldnt lose out to them nia...hopefully i wont...hm..it would b better if sumone would accompany me throughout the whole thing...hehehe...but tis not tat bad i guess...be able to stand on my own as well as think for my own sake...ahh....nvr mind...hehe..tatz all i think..dunno wat else to say aledi...the day iz kinda boring...nothing much happened...catch up on stuff wif a fren...even though staying in same hostel but he iz veli bz...furthermore living in different floors...i guess tatz it...nitez..