It has been a while since I have written a post. Previously I will occasionally drop a post every now and then just to keep myself entertained. I guess I have been too lazy. The lack of writing has gotten to my head and now here I am once again. Somehow it feels nice to write out what I think and what I feel. My thoughts and opinions on certain issues. Reminding myself on what I did wrong, what I have to do and what I am hoping for. Guess I just enjoy being with myself. Whether this is actually a coping mechanism for loneliness or my natural behavior, I myself cannot tell. But why complicate things? I have bigger concerns to deal with most of the time.
A lot of things happened throughout the past month. I will elaborate about my fitness this weekend so I will just skip that boring part. A colleague left the company and another one arrived. Some interns came as well. Feels nice to have new people around but there is still a big gap since the interns are at a different floor. Took a flight to Penang for a company event early this week. It has been a long time since I rode in an airplane. Almost 20 years to be exact. It was fun and I hope I can do it again. But as I stare outside into the clouds, I know it may not be possible.
I guess the major breakthrough would be my personal perspective. I am still very bitter. However, I am learning how to handle the bitterness. The reason I say this is because the sadness and anger will emerge only when I let it go. Even then, it is more like a contained outburst. I felt I have improved my mental state for the better. At the very least I have learnt that like myself, people have multiple facets to their personality and it is wrong of me to judge them based only on one of them. It is very hard to do this when you only have access to a side most of the time. There are surprises everywhere.
This may mean that others judge me the same way too. I am not sure if I manage to project the entirety of my personality to people but I think the other party might find it suffocating. All of us have different personalities to deal with different scenarios and environments. I guess the key to enjoy relationships of another is how to avoid the dealing with the bad parts and bring out the good parts. Now I wonder, just how many of this rough gems have I let go? Or maybe it has just been far too long since I had a nice chat with someone and coincidentally, it was not someone I like in particular. It feels like only now I am learning how to properly live, how to think and how to interact with others. I hope one day, I will learn how to be happy too. I think I have mastered how to make people laugh though.
