Today is my birthday :) 29 years already. Survived several accidents with scars to show. Still healthy, with a job and rented roof above my head. Anyway, first things first, I wish to give thanks for the free Starbucks frapp I got today. Originally I made up my mind this morning to set aside as much as RM100 so I can eat as much as I want but ended up just having normal meals. I really wanted to go Chillis but I guess it is too much to ask for when I did not make it known to my colleagues earlier beforehand. There is always next time though. Is this how my year went? Words not spoken? Full of regrets? Or perhaps it is the other way around?
I have no idea where should I start. I didn't even feel like a year has passed until I went to buy the Christmas gift for the office annual exchange. The amazing year started with my trip to Hong Kong last January for the marathon. It was my first trip overseas as an adult. Flying to Singapore when I was barely 9 does not count. An eye opening experience. First time experiencing cold weather. Walking the streets of Hong Kong, the same streets I always see in TV dramas, was in fact, the best part of the trip. To eat the food, to hear them speaking Cantonese, it was a bit too much at the time for me to register.
Chinese New Year was mostly just me nursing my legs which started cramping pretty often after overstraining myself in the Hong Kong marathon. Visiting old friends, gambling and most importantly eating good food for the entire week. I did miss out on the annual school mates reunion. I guess it really is farewell. March was uneventful, mostly preparing for the upcoming Nepal trip. However, the unfortunate disaster struck Nepal and I think we got really lucky. We ended up travelling to Bangkok instead. It was an interesting trip but my wallet was still hurting from spending on flight tickets to 2 places in 1 month so I could not enjoy everything Bangkok has to offer.
The year got more interesting when there is a reshuffling in the office with me ended up being offered the role of team technical lead. It was pretty funny because my manager actually asked me if I was interested to be a technical lead during the annual review and I wasn't. I see it as a sign and jumped off my comfortable chair. Ended up in the plane to office HQ in Holland. It was really cold, sunlight was really long and the country is really awesome. 3 trips overseas all within the first 3 quarters of the year. I am still very thankful for the opportunity.
It was pretty challenging being the technical lead. It still is. I had no idea what I should do, because I am not exactly the team lead either and this is the first time I am officially being made the leader of something. I was not exactly preparing myself for the role beforehand either. Meanwhile, I got back to running marathons. Unfortunately the KL marathon got cancelled due to haze. But later in the year, at the end of November, I finished an ultramarathon. The torture is still pretty fresh in my mind right now so I can't say for sure if I will join again next year.
In conclusion, I think a lot of things got better. It would have been the perfect year if my social life improved as well. But looking at it realistically, I guess indeed I am asking way too much. To get something, I first need to invest in it. That means getting a car and making an effort to connect to people. In the office, I now have the same reputation as Smaug and not in a good way either. Nobody I know back home ever complained that I am being too direct or rude. Not even in my previous company. Aggressive maybe, but I don't think it is that bad.
Reality speaks for itself I suppose. So here I am sitting alone in my room on my birthday writing this blog post. I miss home. I told myself that I can train, I can sleep, I can play computer games but who am I kidding. I would be happy to just go back home and roll on the ground. Meeting my friends is a great bonus. Even as I write about my trips I feel empty. Those memories are something, but not the most important thing right now. I really want an awesome social life. To have friends, to have a partner. To have someone, not just my parents. As I stare at my phone, there is no one to call. Maybe I should use the next few days and see what I can do to change the situation in the coming year. Yeah, that sounds positive. Good start. Thanks for reading and Merry Christmas!!
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Sunday, November 22, 2015
The future is scary
I find that the future is actually very scary. People change. Priorities, circumstances, a lot of things change with time. Sometimes no matter how strong, intelligent or socially powerful you are, you cannot change things instantly, only through time. Today I find myself being the very type of person that I could not understand so many years ago. Not only did I stop playing Dota, I generally stopped playing games opting to simply rest or watch some shows. My interest still lies with the games but I find that I have less and less time to invest on it. And I am the kind that would not do things half-heartedly. So subconsciously, I decided to ditch Dota. Dota is, simply put, one of the best things that ever happen to me. The other me, the me who comes out during Dota matches, may not exist anymore but the memories remain.
Recently, another big Dota 2 competition came to a close with a big upset. However, it was just entertainment. I do not feel any attachment since I have never stood on such a grand stage. I support my favorite teams and players and that is all to it. They belong to another world unknown to me. What is known to me though are amateur Dota tournaments. I have won and organized amateur Dota tournaments before. And today, everything came back to me when I walked in to spectate the local Mountain Dew Dota 2 Amateur Competition. There are no commentators, no grim-faced managers, no gigantic projector or even rows of chairs. There are only friends, teammates and some young people scrambling around yelling for the next team to get ready. This is how everything used to be.
I returned to a home that is not familiar to me anymore but I still have memories of being there. Both as a resident and as an owner. I remember how the team arrived early, lock in our selected heroes and flipped a coin to determine which side of the map we will start on. I remember how in the days leading to it we studied, we practised and we played like our very lives depended on it. At that time, perhaps it was. My existence was defined by it. I was more famous as a player than as a friend, than as a coursemate in my university. I was known as the one who took people in one-on-one duels to win food and small change back in my hometown. I felt needed. I felt important. And I felt alive.
As the tournament progressed, I remember how my team behaved the same way, watching the other teams play. Trying to figure out their weaknesses and thinking how we could counter them. The anticipation and the long wait for our turn, how it wore us down. Last but not least, the overwhelming confidence, knowing that we could beat them down, snickering as we watched the others. That disgusting confidence. I missed it so much. To know you are the strongest. The sense of superiority that lead you to view others separate from yourself, as if you are a different level of existence. Now I am just the average 9-6 worker you can spot anywhere. Not so superior anymore. Not so confident anymore.
Organizing a tournament is fun too. You get to set rules and you get to see how everything turns out. You get to know people. I actually do enjoy getting to know people, just not making friends. Or perhaps more accurately, I simply enjoy talking to people. And you know for sure that everyone there shares the same interest, the same passion, the same language. You feel comfortable. You feel happy. It is tiring, yes, but it is very much worth it. Nowadays, to find things 'worth' doing is rare. What you usually get are things you 'need' to do. Obligations, responsibilities and the list goes on and on. We instead try to find happiness in mundane chores. To find satisfaction in mediocrity. It is but a lie. You can keep on telling me to let go of the past, but the past is where I lived the most. Now, the future is scary.
Recently, another big Dota 2 competition came to a close with a big upset. However, it was just entertainment. I do not feel any attachment since I have never stood on such a grand stage. I support my favorite teams and players and that is all to it. They belong to another world unknown to me. What is known to me though are amateur Dota tournaments. I have won and organized amateur Dota tournaments before. And today, everything came back to me when I walked in to spectate the local Mountain Dew Dota 2 Amateur Competition. There are no commentators, no grim-faced managers, no gigantic projector or even rows of chairs. There are only friends, teammates and some young people scrambling around yelling for the next team to get ready. This is how everything used to be.
I returned to a home that is not familiar to me anymore but I still have memories of being there. Both as a resident and as an owner. I remember how the team arrived early, lock in our selected heroes and flipped a coin to determine which side of the map we will start on. I remember how in the days leading to it we studied, we practised and we played like our very lives depended on it. At that time, perhaps it was. My existence was defined by it. I was more famous as a player than as a friend, than as a coursemate in my university. I was known as the one who took people in one-on-one duels to win food and small change back in my hometown. I felt needed. I felt important. And I felt alive.
As the tournament progressed, I remember how my team behaved the same way, watching the other teams play. Trying to figure out their weaknesses and thinking how we could counter them. The anticipation and the long wait for our turn, how it wore us down. Last but not least, the overwhelming confidence, knowing that we could beat them down, snickering as we watched the others. That disgusting confidence. I missed it so much. To know you are the strongest. The sense of superiority that lead you to view others separate from yourself, as if you are a different level of existence. Now I am just the average 9-6 worker you can spot anywhere. Not so superior anymore. Not so confident anymore.
Organizing a tournament is fun too. You get to set rules and you get to see how everything turns out. You get to know people. I actually do enjoy getting to know people, just not making friends. Or perhaps more accurately, I simply enjoy talking to people. And you know for sure that everyone there shares the same interest, the same passion, the same language. You feel comfortable. You feel happy. It is tiring, yes, but it is very much worth it. Nowadays, to find things 'worth' doing is rare. What you usually get are things you 'need' to do. Obligations, responsibilities and the list goes on and on. We instead try to find happiness in mundane chores. To find satisfaction in mediocrity. It is but a lie. You can keep on telling me to let go of the past, but the past is where I lived the most. Now, the future is scary.
Sunday, November 1, 2015
A good learning experience
It has been a while since I last blogged. The previous post is how a professional gamer finally achieved the highest level of success after persevering for so long. It is a reflection of my own hopes and dreams of being recognized, of being able to stand on top through hard work. But we all know that is not enough. Anyway, this post is about the recently concluded team building event I just attended at the peaceful island of Pangkor. Needless to say, there is much to reflect on. This time around, I am blogging in the MORNING because I guess you can say it is almost scientifically proven that writing posts at night almost always degenerates to rants and whining.
A lot of things could have been avoided if only I made the right choice at the time. But who would have known? Who would have known I would suffer a breakdown later? Rolling back to the start, the night before the company is supposed to gather at 7am, my manager invited some of us to drinks. It went all the way till midnight. It was a big mistake. I had to wake up at 5am sharp to prepare and make the journey to the LRT simply because I was and still am too stingy to call up a morning taxi. Walking 3km with luggage after a night of drinks and skipping dinner is a serious challenge even to someone who runs full marathons a few times a year. I reached in time to join the rest for breakfast and the journey begins. I could not sleep in the bus ride because, well, it is still morning.
We arrived, settled down, had lunch and played some games. It wasn't that bad. On hindsight, it was the best set of games out of all 3 sessions. My team ended up first, wasn't expecting that honestly. After the games, everyone was free. I spent the evening hanging out at the pool, laughing and observing. Dinner time came but something was wrong. I did not have an appetite. I ate a bit but nothing like the usual portion. The beer arrived and I grabbed a can. That was the only can I held on to for the next 4 hours. Everyone walked around, we even had supper at a local restaurant, tasting fresh seafood but I still could not finish the can. I started feeling unwell and thankfully I ended up back in the hotel, but unfortunately surrounded by drinking colleagues. I was angry at myself for not being to drink as much as I wanted to. I knew I could. I have proven I could before. Their relentless heckling did not help. At that point I just wanted to go back to my room and sleep. I am going to be teased either way, why not just rest right? Alas, my key is with a colleague who is still hanging out at the beach. I didn't want to spoil his fun so I stuck on until my patience exploded and I just yelled out loud by the poolside. I guess that was the highlight of the first night.
Next morning I woke up early in time for the breakfast. I always look forward to breakfast because I really like ham, sausages and whatever hotels usually serve. Before long, it was time for games at the beach. It started with a weird game to drag our butts across the sand. Some ended with damaged shorts. Then it came to lining up team members to come up with the longest chain on the sand with clothing and people. This is so unfair to participants because it basically challenges your genetics and roll of the dice to see if you have tall team members or not. We cannot expect everyone to just strip their clothes to extend the chain. Those who do are photographed and heckled. I too am guilty of laughing but is this what the committee members wanted? Is this kind of memory the kind you want people to bring back? Next came with a physical challenge. I was confident but some of our team mates fumbled so I was simmering pretty badly already. Lastly, it was a homage to Running Man games where you have to spin on the spot and run to the beach. It was funny but it was competitive and having other teams rubbing it on my face is pretty hard to bear as well. Not to mention some teams have additional members that do not need to participate and they think they have the right to just disturb the others.
Proceeded to have lunch and we were shown the latest points for the teams. We fell from first to forth or fifth. The reversal was pretty incredible. I drowned my disappointments with food and some idle chatter. Finally it is time for indoor games and we are told to finish station games. Most of them went without a hitch but we were hit with another memory game. Suddenly it became individual memory challenge. Weaker members are stressed. I personally was miffed but of course I can't voice it out. Some just do not have good memory. It call came to luck again. Is this how the games are supposed to turn out? Furthermore there isn't any chance of a turnaround. Teams who complete all station games are entitled to the EXACT same amount of points. Even though we finished the memory game on our last try, I wasn't really happy. I knew it was pointless. There was animosity among teams as well because the memory game took place in the same room and another team is reciting their challenge as we struggle to learn ours. Then we returned the favour. Is this really team building?
Everything ended and it was free time again. Decided to gather and chill in one of our rooms until dinner. During dinner, the prize giving ceremony is up and my team got fourth. Wasn't happy but nothing I can do about it. The bomb came when they announced the committee members will get a cheque worth RM50000. I heard it as 15, so I actually thought it was real. Because if you split it up among the members, the amount is similar to a bonus. Ended the speech by asking others to volunteer if we want the money. I was a committee last year and all I got was RM50. How would you feel? Luckily one of them said it was a joke when I asked but it was a bad joke. After dinner, needless to say it was drinking time again. Only this time, I decided against it. I wasn't too sure of my condition but one thing I am sure of is that the drinks will flow and if I could not keep up, the heckling would be much more intense. I could get away on the first day but I don't think I could, now that it is a new day and all. So I jumped at the chance to play cards with colleagues for the next 2-3 hours. I only went to the drinking area when everyone is wrapping up things. Grabbed some beer, surprised that I could down them easily today, and spent some time chatting before going back to sleep. I knew I missed a lot of things, but the feeling of left out is better than being teased in front of everyone. I know I have a big ego and I like to keep my reputation but it is a sad thing that the team is actually separated into good drinkers and bad/non-drinkers. Again may I ask, is this really team building?
The next morning it was breakfast again and needless to say, I was happy about it. Next plan was to go round the island on a motorbike. But because we have more passengers than drivers, some of them preferred bicycling while some preferred to just chill at the pool. I was one of the drivers because it is out of necessity, else I would not agree to a passenger. I was pretty annoyed when the first person hug my waist while riding a motorcycle was a married lady with a child. My stupid dream of ferrying my future partner just went up in flames before I could even say anything. I just concentrated on the journey and even though the group separated into two, I think both enjoyed it. I would like to drive again given the chance, only this time, preferably alone. There are some amazing sights along the way. We are supposed to pack up, check out and wait for our transport while having lunch. The journey back was uneventful but when we arrived back at the office, a monsoon storm hit and everyone was wet. Had dinner with some colleagues at the office area but it was pretty awkward because the people at my table weren't that close to each other. I just wanted to eat and go back home.
In the short span of 3 days and 2 nights I learnt a lot about myself and others. I have to say that I am indeed a 'special needs' person. I am not like the rest, and I have to understand that and make decisions based on that. If I keep on bending backwards to keep myself in the circle, I will break my back sooner or later. And it wouldn't be fun for anyone. Regarding the games, well perhaps we can learn from the complaints and do something new. For every winner there is a loser, can we make it win-win or at least to lose out in a fun way? The bloody memory game for example. They could have made it a team effort if we are allowed to act out the words to help. This competitiveness is not only in me, it is in quite a few others. And the fact that towards the end the committee had to make another speech to clarify the 50k cheque means I am not alone in misunderstanding the joke. Obviously something is fundamentally wrong already. Maybe we can have a food hunt trip next year. I mean spending time leisurely with each other and exploring with each other is much more enjoyable. Set 8 foods you have to eat and take a picture of doing so. Make the best group pose at a historical landmark and win or something. But I could almost predict that the committee members will say 'Why don't you join the committee next year?' God I hate those words so much. I guess it is real that if I want something done well, I need to do it myself.
A lot of things could have been avoided if only I made the right choice at the time. But who would have known? Who would have known I would suffer a breakdown later? Rolling back to the start, the night before the company is supposed to gather at 7am, my manager invited some of us to drinks. It went all the way till midnight. It was a big mistake. I had to wake up at 5am sharp to prepare and make the journey to the LRT simply because I was and still am too stingy to call up a morning taxi. Walking 3km with luggage after a night of drinks and skipping dinner is a serious challenge even to someone who runs full marathons a few times a year. I reached in time to join the rest for breakfast and the journey begins. I could not sleep in the bus ride because, well, it is still morning.
We arrived, settled down, had lunch and played some games. It wasn't that bad. On hindsight, it was the best set of games out of all 3 sessions. My team ended up first, wasn't expecting that honestly. After the games, everyone was free. I spent the evening hanging out at the pool, laughing and observing. Dinner time came but something was wrong. I did not have an appetite. I ate a bit but nothing like the usual portion. The beer arrived and I grabbed a can. That was the only can I held on to for the next 4 hours. Everyone walked around, we even had supper at a local restaurant, tasting fresh seafood but I still could not finish the can. I started feeling unwell and thankfully I ended up back in the hotel, but unfortunately surrounded by drinking colleagues. I was angry at myself for not being to drink as much as I wanted to. I knew I could. I have proven I could before. Their relentless heckling did not help. At that point I just wanted to go back to my room and sleep. I am going to be teased either way, why not just rest right? Alas, my key is with a colleague who is still hanging out at the beach. I didn't want to spoil his fun so I stuck on until my patience exploded and I just yelled out loud by the poolside. I guess that was the highlight of the first night.
Next morning I woke up early in time for the breakfast. I always look forward to breakfast because I really like ham, sausages and whatever hotels usually serve. Before long, it was time for games at the beach. It started with a weird game to drag our butts across the sand. Some ended with damaged shorts. Then it came to lining up team members to come up with the longest chain on the sand with clothing and people. This is so unfair to participants because it basically challenges your genetics and roll of the dice to see if you have tall team members or not. We cannot expect everyone to just strip their clothes to extend the chain. Those who do are photographed and heckled. I too am guilty of laughing but is this what the committee members wanted? Is this kind of memory the kind you want people to bring back? Next came with a physical challenge. I was confident but some of our team mates fumbled so I was simmering pretty badly already. Lastly, it was a homage to Running Man games where you have to spin on the spot and run to the beach. It was funny but it was competitive and having other teams rubbing it on my face is pretty hard to bear as well. Not to mention some teams have additional members that do not need to participate and they think they have the right to just disturb the others.
Proceeded to have lunch and we were shown the latest points for the teams. We fell from first to forth or fifth. The reversal was pretty incredible. I drowned my disappointments with food and some idle chatter. Finally it is time for indoor games and we are told to finish station games. Most of them went without a hitch but we were hit with another memory game. Suddenly it became individual memory challenge. Weaker members are stressed. I personally was miffed but of course I can't voice it out. Some just do not have good memory. It call came to luck again. Is this how the games are supposed to turn out? Furthermore there isn't any chance of a turnaround. Teams who complete all station games are entitled to the EXACT same amount of points. Even though we finished the memory game on our last try, I wasn't really happy. I knew it was pointless. There was animosity among teams as well because the memory game took place in the same room and another team is reciting their challenge as we struggle to learn ours. Then we returned the favour. Is this really team building?
Everything ended and it was free time again. Decided to gather and chill in one of our rooms until dinner. During dinner, the prize giving ceremony is up and my team got fourth. Wasn't happy but nothing I can do about it. The bomb came when they announced the committee members will get a cheque worth RM50000. I heard it as 15, so I actually thought it was real. Because if you split it up among the members, the amount is similar to a bonus. Ended the speech by asking others to volunteer if we want the money. I was a committee last year and all I got was RM50. How would you feel? Luckily one of them said it was a joke when I asked but it was a bad joke. After dinner, needless to say it was drinking time again. Only this time, I decided against it. I wasn't too sure of my condition but one thing I am sure of is that the drinks will flow and if I could not keep up, the heckling would be much more intense. I could get away on the first day but I don't think I could, now that it is a new day and all. So I jumped at the chance to play cards with colleagues for the next 2-3 hours. I only went to the drinking area when everyone is wrapping up things. Grabbed some beer, surprised that I could down them easily today, and spent some time chatting before going back to sleep. I knew I missed a lot of things, but the feeling of left out is better than being teased in front of everyone. I know I have a big ego and I like to keep my reputation but it is a sad thing that the team is actually separated into good drinkers and bad/non-drinkers. Again may I ask, is this really team building?
The next morning it was breakfast again and needless to say, I was happy about it. Next plan was to go round the island on a motorbike. But because we have more passengers than drivers, some of them preferred bicycling while some preferred to just chill at the pool. I was one of the drivers because it is out of necessity, else I would not agree to a passenger. I was pretty annoyed when the first person hug my waist while riding a motorcycle was a married lady with a child. My stupid dream of ferrying my future partner just went up in flames before I could even say anything. I just concentrated on the journey and even though the group separated into two, I think both enjoyed it. I would like to drive again given the chance, only this time, preferably alone. There are some amazing sights along the way. We are supposed to pack up, check out and wait for our transport while having lunch. The journey back was uneventful but when we arrived back at the office, a monsoon storm hit and everyone was wet. Had dinner with some colleagues at the office area but it was pretty awkward because the people at my table weren't that close to each other. I just wanted to eat and go back home.
In the short span of 3 days and 2 nights I learnt a lot about myself and others. I have to say that I am indeed a 'special needs' person. I am not like the rest, and I have to understand that and make decisions based on that. If I keep on bending backwards to keep myself in the circle, I will break my back sooner or later. And it wouldn't be fun for anyone. Regarding the games, well perhaps we can learn from the complaints and do something new. For every winner there is a loser, can we make it win-win or at least to lose out in a fun way? The bloody memory game for example. They could have made it a team effort if we are allowed to act out the words to help. This competitiveness is not only in me, it is in quite a few others. And the fact that towards the end the committee had to make another speech to clarify the 50k cheque means I am not alone in misunderstanding the joke. Obviously something is fundamentally wrong already. Maybe we can have a food hunt trip next year. I mean spending time leisurely with each other and exploring with each other is much more enjoyable. Set 8 foods you have to eat and take a picture of doing so. Make the best group pose at a historical landmark and win or something. But I could almost predict that the committee members will say 'Why don't you join the committee next year?' God I hate those words so much. I guess it is real that if I want something done well, I need to do it myself.
Sunday, August 9, 2015
Sometimes dreams do come true.
It has been more than half a year since I last blogged something. Many things have happened. New friendships were made and old ones lost. I did my first overseas marathon and flew to Europe for the first time in a separate trip. Many people I know got married and those who were already married delivered their first child. But some things remain the same. However, this blog post is not dedicated to myself but to someone I truly feel like my hero.
Today a team of gamers won a total amount of 6.6 million USD. I was there watching and rooting for the eventual winners. I am not really a fan of the team but I am a fan of one of the players. His name is Clinton Loomis, or better known as Fear in the Dota 2 community. I do not dare say that I relate to him on the skill level but more on his background story.
He faced financial responsibilities...
He is also one of the oldest players in the professional scene. Usually games that require quick reflexes and precise clicking are not kind to 'old' players.
Today a team of gamers won a total amount of 6.6 million USD. I was there watching and rooting for the eventual winners. I am not really a fan of the team but I am a fan of one of the players. His name is Clinton Loomis, or better known as Fear in the Dota 2 community. I do not dare say that I relate to him on the skill level but more on his background story.
He faced financial responsibilities...
..and pressure from his family
His financial situation is so dire that he did not even have a good computer to play on.
He is also one of the oldest players in the professional scene. Usually games that require quick reflexes and precise clicking are not kind to 'old' players.
But he persevered. He made a difficult choice. He got pretty famous when he lead Online Kingdom to a some phenomenal games in the first big tournament that guarantees a prize money of over a million USD to the winners.
Unfortunately, his team did not win. That was 5 years ago. Now, not only can he afford a better monitor, his name is immortalized as a member of the team that defeated the world of Dota 2.
5 years ago is the same time I started working. 5 years ago is the time I made my decision to pursue the life of an office worker. I put my gaming mouse aside. But it has never once left my sight. I still keep some items for old times' sake. I still play now and then but never the same level ever again. Especially now with my hand injury. But he, he did what I could not. Numerous factors aside, the most important thing is he did not give up on his dream. And it came true. Even though it took a while, even though it was difficult, it came true. I was actually happy that he won. And through his victory I felt inspired too.
I feel that sometimes...sometimes dreams do come true.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Hello 2015!
This post is long overdue. I was thinking of writing again after the Cyberjaya Marathon but I was too excited about returning home. After 3 months, I get to see my parents and savour the good food of my hometown, Ipoh, once more. Just a brief summary of what transpired at my last marathon of 2014, I could not break my Penang timing. In fact, I got slower. I blame the hills as well as an upset stomach. This is the first time I have such severe stomach ache that I went to the toilet twice during the run and twice afterwards. Maybe it is due to the orange-flavored gel that I took before I start. Truly a horrible experience. I can only apologize to any runners who entered the same toilet afterwards. Yes, I was running without much cleaning too. Sounds disgusting but there is nothing I can do about it. Thankfully I did not get any infection or inflammation.
After the rest, I still have a few more days till the new year. I think long and hard on what happened, why it happened and what I want to do in 2015. First of all, I decided to drop the Gold Coast marathon due to financial constraints. Even though I took up freelance writing, there is no way I could fund 3 overseas trips without burning my savings. Therefore I decided to only go Hong Kong and Nepal. After much calculation, I am still running short because Nepal is not cheap. And the price of everything is increasing. Gym, education loan repayment and most definitely living costs due to GST. I cannot drop gym nor do I want to relocate to a cheaper room. So, the only thing I can do is cut food. Previously I tend to consume 2 plates during lunch but after the return to Ipoh somehow I can stay full even with one. Maybe it is temporary because I ate a lot and I am just burning my reserves but if I can cut around RM5 per day, that is 150 a month. I can only hope my increment would be substantial but most likely it will hover around RM200. I already cut out movies, outings and a lot of stuff and I am really running out of ideas.
By cutting out food I hope that I can finally have a cool body figure. Before I started running my abs disappeared as I concentrated on strength training. Now they returned but I look pretty strange right now because my muscles are uneven. Maybe it will continue since I am still exercising my upper body and back but with more definition. Unfortunately, with the decrease in food, I might get irritated much more easily now. As if I am not sensitive enough already. Throughout the year it was a roller coaster of emotions for both me and the people around me. I think I improved a lot and running definitely helped but I still lose my composure when the event is truly retarded. I realized I really have a mental issue when I feel better due to the pain of running. Most likely subconsciously I treat it the same as cutting myself. It is as if all the hidden anger are channelled out through the pain. I feel as though I finally exhaled. I know this is really bad and I remember there is even an article that says we should not treat running as therapy and get the underlying issues fixed properly. Perhaps I should really see a shrink?
For 2015 I have several resolutions. First and foremost I really want to break the 4 hour mark for a full marathon. I am excited to try out a new training plan after the Hong Kong marathon. I read about the 'killer week' concept and it involves increasing your weekly mileage by 30% or more only for that week. Hopefully I will not end up with an injury. Maybe my weight loss will contribute to this goal as well. Secondly, I want to finish a 100km ultra marathon. I have my eyes on the Penang Ultra and the 16(?) hour cut-off time seems pretty possible. Well, I will not know until I attempt it. My third resolution, I will start seeing the world. If the Nepal trip fails, that means I have around 5K to spend and I will definitely use it to travel to Korea. I don't really have anything else I want to achieve though. Maybe learn Korean, learn to sing or to dance. But those seem highly unlikely. I am really curious about what will happen in 2015. Work might get more interesting. I foresee my social life will remain non-existent. In an ironic twist, I am actually thankful I do not have a girlfriend or a 'life' right now. I seriously could not afford it. Hope one day I can stop saying that.
After the rest, I still have a few more days till the new year. I think long and hard on what happened, why it happened and what I want to do in 2015. First of all, I decided to drop the Gold Coast marathon due to financial constraints. Even though I took up freelance writing, there is no way I could fund 3 overseas trips without burning my savings. Therefore I decided to only go Hong Kong and Nepal. After much calculation, I am still running short because Nepal is not cheap. And the price of everything is increasing. Gym, education loan repayment and most definitely living costs due to GST. I cannot drop gym nor do I want to relocate to a cheaper room. So, the only thing I can do is cut food. Previously I tend to consume 2 plates during lunch but after the return to Ipoh somehow I can stay full even with one. Maybe it is temporary because I ate a lot and I am just burning my reserves but if I can cut around RM5 per day, that is 150 a month. I can only hope my increment would be substantial but most likely it will hover around RM200. I already cut out movies, outings and a lot of stuff and I am really running out of ideas.
By cutting out food I hope that I can finally have a cool body figure. Before I started running my abs disappeared as I concentrated on strength training. Now they returned but I look pretty strange right now because my muscles are uneven. Maybe it will continue since I am still exercising my upper body and back but with more definition. Unfortunately, with the decrease in food, I might get irritated much more easily now. As if I am not sensitive enough already. Throughout the year it was a roller coaster of emotions for both me and the people around me. I think I improved a lot and running definitely helped but I still lose my composure when the event is truly retarded. I realized I really have a mental issue when I feel better due to the pain of running. Most likely subconsciously I treat it the same as cutting myself. It is as if all the hidden anger are channelled out through the pain. I feel as though I finally exhaled. I know this is really bad and I remember there is even an article that says we should not treat running as therapy and get the underlying issues fixed properly. Perhaps I should really see a shrink?
For 2015 I have several resolutions. First and foremost I really want to break the 4 hour mark for a full marathon. I am excited to try out a new training plan after the Hong Kong marathon. I read about the 'killer week' concept and it involves increasing your weekly mileage by 30% or more only for that week. Hopefully I will not end up with an injury. Maybe my weight loss will contribute to this goal as well. Secondly, I want to finish a 100km ultra marathon. I have my eyes on the Penang Ultra and the 16(?) hour cut-off time seems pretty possible. Well, I will not know until I attempt it. My third resolution, I will start seeing the world. If the Nepal trip fails, that means I have around 5K to spend and I will definitely use it to travel to Korea. I don't really have anything else I want to achieve though. Maybe learn Korean, learn to sing or to dance. But those seem highly unlikely. I am really curious about what will happen in 2015. Work might get more interesting. I foresee my social life will remain non-existent. In an ironic twist, I am actually thankful I do not have a girlfriend or a 'life' right now. I seriously could not afford it. Hope one day I can stop saying that.
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