31/10/2007

So sleepy now oh...juz studied a bit today...for the friday paper...a lot of things to cover...even though read through it 2 times quickly but onli part of it sticks...sumhow i m veli afraid...the onli way i can be sure how i will score would be to sit for the exam...no way i can predict it...furthermore most of us oso dunno bout the scope of the exam...sum say earlier chapters...sum say onli those after midsem...tomolo i will browse through those earlier chapters a bit...need to spend more time on it aledi hahaha...today still play a lot of games in the morning n afternoon...tis morning wake up early again coz lecturer told us to come...the lecturer was late =_=...anyway he came to give us the marks for the final assignment tat v handed in on the 22nd October...i guess he juz marked it quickly...he iz rather generous wif the marks...dunno if v truly deserve it or not...i got a good score as well...but sumthing iz bothering me coz wen i see the total carry marks it iz wrong...mayb he calculated it wrongly?? dunno lah...couldnt care much bout it aledi...the next time it would b my sem grades during the holidays aledi..juz do my best i guess...everyone iz twitchy regarding tis subject...actually most of the subjects r kinda bad...even my programming...urgh...my marks r third in the class wif a B+ mark for midsem...i m the 'connector' between high scorers n average students...hahaha...dunno bout the total carry marks though as still hav a project due 19th november...another headache...haihz....i dun think i can maintain my pointer for tis sem...mayb drop a bit...hopefully juz a bit...my last hope would b scoring an A in 1 major subject...but tat paper iz still far away...if i could nail 1 A...i know i will b ok...coz there iz a high probability tat i will end up wif a B+ in one of the major subjects...tat will pull down stuff a lot...but life iz nvr predictable...mayb my marks will b higher than expected? or lower T_T ...hm....my eyelids getting heavy aledi...juz barely passed 12...didnt really sleep in the afternoon...juz now slept a bit while studying as well...hehehe...disrupted my flow though...wat lese happened today...went to pasar mlm..bought a lot of things...ah...nothing much to talk aledi...but i still wana blog nia...feels nice typing a lot of stuff...weird hor?...i think i shud juz stop b4 i say more weird things again...

30/10/2007

First paper down de...4 more to go...er...average start...coz the paper today i think can onli get B+...A- at best...duno...actually the paper iz one of my chances to get back in the race for dean's list...but now the chances r getting slimmer..perhaps there will be sum surprises in the other subjects? even though i dun like it...but scoring my first year pointer aint tat bad now...3.59..wakakka 0.01 more till dean's list level...wonder how will i graduate? if i could really achieve first class honors then it will b nice...i can make my parents happy, i m happy wif myself n oso gain sum advantage while looking for work...who knows? mayb i will attempt another year? But by then a lot of ppl will b gone...everything will b different...heck things r different everyday...either it gets better or it gets worse...it moves...nvr stands still...today play games whole morning n afternoon to rip my mind away from the exam earlier...to b honest i m not happy wif the exam nia...a lot of mistakes...cost me a lot of marks...marks tat i could hav gained instead...almost lost my appetite for lunch...but went out to eat anyway...played games till evening...grab a nap...continued playing then go dinner wif a junior...nowadays always spend time wif the junior...wonder if he gets bored wif me...dunno lah...oh yeah...forgot bout sumthing yesterday...i chatted a bit wif the ppl running the rice stall where i go lunch frequently..sumhow i feel kinda warm...they r good ppl...haihz...to live my life alone right now...sumhow i m standing between total breakdown n depression n peace...i guess i dun hav time nor the energy to think bout tis stuff now...i guess i finally m able to see their true nature? tat i m not worth being frens wif...mayb tatz the reason why i dun feel tat terrible like i used to...i hav made certain my doubts...sure it hurts to b alone...but not as bad as being hurt by ppl we think of as frens...who iz correct n who iz wrong? m i overreacting? no one can really judge it as every side hav their own story to tell...n their own feelings...sumhow i feel i got nowhere to go to now...back home, my neighbourhood frens hav all changed...sum working, sum not...but all of them r not the same as i remember them...furthermore being separated so long...feelings grew thin...it was not really tat thick to begin wif anyway hahaha...here...i got no one as well...a lot of ppl claim to b my fren..tat they will b there for me...ah...how many times hav i seen or heard those words...if there were any truth in it, i wouldnt be making tis post now would i? hehehe...sum ppl fear me...sum ppl dun like me at all...those sweet words earlier r juz for the moment...itz the correct thing to say?? i dun think so...dun make empty promises n get my hopes up high...i will always reply, i will always b here no matter wat...but if u dun talk to me, i wont talk to u nia...how can friendship b so brittle? if i dun kacau ppl, they dun kacau me de...sumtimes i kacau oso no reply...but i will respond...i guess itz the same as others..mayb i shud kacau ppl instead...but izzit really no one will even try to talk to me wen i m being silent? mayb i m waiting? but...mayb u r waiting as well eh?? hm....sumthing to think about wen i sleep tonight...AHHHH!!!! now onli i remember about it aledi...till now i onli kacau those 'available' ppl nia..'taken' ppl dun wan kacau de...tatz why my contact list so small...forgot bout tis important factor tim...so the onli way iz look downwards? towards the juniors?? there r other 'available' ppl geh...but i m not tat close to them to begin wif or they r veli bz wif their societies n activities...n i m not part of their societies or activities...argh..dammit everything iz related....i better stop now..tomolo need to meet lecturer at 8.30am...now almost 2 liao...

28/10/2007

Heh....exam eve aledi loh...as relaxed as ever...tonight will sleep early de...later will review my notes one last time b4 going to sleep...in the meantime i guess i shouldnt be playing any games to relax...mayb watch anime or juz listen to songs while lying on the bed...oh yeah i still havent take my bath nia...tomolo 830 am...will wake up around 730 am...the paper onli lasts 2 hours..tatz pretty short..i feel like i hav covered most of everything but a part of me oso telling me tat i shud read more...i guess i juz dun wana feel any regret after the exam as well as to ensure i get at least an above average result?? i can onli hope...everyone iz doing their best de...i shouldnt lose out to them nia...hopefully i wont...hm..it would b better if sumone would accompany me throughout the whole thing...hehehe...but tis not tat bad i guess...be able to stand on my own as well as think for my own sake...ahh....nvr mind...hehe..tatz all i think..dunno wat else to say aledi...the day iz kinda boring...nothing much happened...catch up on stuff wif a fren...even though staying in same hostel but he iz veli bz...furthermore living in different floors...i guess tatz it...nitez..

28/10/2007

I am here once again nia~~~tis time blogging around 2am in the morning...finally finished my syllabus once de..kinda lazy wana continue though...hehe...spend a lot of time here watching anime, playing games...hahaha...as exam time comes near the more relaxed i bcome...dunno why...but i juz hope tat tis period of time will b over...i hav enuf of tis sem aledi...not tat bad...not tat good either...perhaps i did pretty good in my studies or my responsibilities...but my social life iz still terrible...i think it might hav gotten worst!!...hm...but kenot compare wif my first year coz a lot of things different de nia...but in the end my lack of mandarin mastery still bites at me...i still feel i m missing out on a lot of things juz bcoz i dunno mandarin...language...iz a big obstacle to frenship? Sometimes the most important things in a frenship between 2 ppl are done without words...often wif juz a smile ^_^...iz my view towards all tis stuff so different from ppl? tat sum even think of me as weird? perhaps i m juz too naive? heh....continue to suffer in silence daily...wat i can do iz juz record it down in blogs like tis...at the very least i got complain somewhere...i misjudged a few things in the past nia...sumthings didnt really turn out like how i thought it would...mayb i was juz too desperate or i wasnt thinking straight...tonight the moon iz full..stars so bright...who shares the same view? who really appreciates it? to me, the moon iz beautiful...how i wish tat one day...i can view the same thing wif a group of frens...juz enjoying the moment, the peace as well as the midnight wind...now, there r other things more satisfying than dota aledi...i hav finally understand tat last year..but even so...haihz...perhaps i will follow the route of a story i came to know sumtime ago...where the student will graduate not wif tears of happiness...but tears of loneliness..perhaps i will b thrown in the air n take sum pictures..but those r juz momentary...deep inside i guess all of us know...it iz fake...as fake as my smile could be right now...i wana mention another quote...'If sumone would tell me that it is okay to live, i will buy a small mirror and practice smiling'...hopefully i wont fall down to tat level...the person who mentioned it got a fulfilling ending though....all her suffering were recognised, accepted and healed by the person she likes the most....fairytale ending? who knows? hehehe

27/10/2007

Yo....i m here again...luckily today the connection isnt totally hopeless...but still nothing much changed..haihz..hopefully one day the connection will b restored to the way it used to be...but i guess it wont nia..at least not tis sem...the sem iz ending looo...today juz settled the last presentation of a project...most of us got shot at...as expected by the dean though..his opinions were professional and veli useful..especially next sem wen v got a subject juz titled as 'Projek Kumpulan'...a whole sem group project...wonder wat will it be? At first wen i thought about it...i m not tat scared as i m now...wen the reality tat one project will cost me 100% marks sets in...i know it wont b easy...my first paper starts at 29th...almost finish the revision de..actually shud b finishing up now...hahaha...later tonight read through everything once or twice...rest up...then go through it 2 more times tomolo...tatz all i can do i guess..i will onli know if it iz enuf wen i hand in my paper...a few of my frens oso mentioned tat i look terribly overworked...hm..mayb itz juz tat my hair iz messier than usual...i do feel tat i m doing a lot but sumhow it seems not enuf...pushing myself to the limits..it does feel nice wen ppl make tat comment though...means they pay attention to u now n b4...hehe...speaking of my hair...sumtimes it could get so straight and arranged i cant help but stare at it a bit longer in the mirror..hahaha...if onli i could control it nia =_=...my terrible migraine over tis past few days iz gone nia...kinda happy...veli bothersome to do anything wif yur head aching..mayb i juz needed sum rest or relax a bit...yesterday night i tot of sleeping early coz today need to present the project early in the morning but i ended up rolling about...staring at the ceiling...thinking bout things...sad things again...juz tat tis time i dun hav tat disappointed or angry feeling anymore...and no i didnt cry =_=...mayb a lot of things were not meant to be...at least perhaps not in tis lifetime...to treasure everything u hav now...iz not enuf for me...veli greedy eh?? in the end i m still looking for sumone to talk to...sumone tat knows wat iz happening as well...coz if i need to explain the whole situation, i might missed out on sumthing...tis place...everyone iz veli close...i cant really juz complain to anyone...not tat i dont trust ppl or anything but itz common sense mah...anyhow wen i missed out on sumthing but i dunno wat, n the person i m talking to misunderstands the situation i might end up more frustrated then b4....hahahaha...anyway i need to continue wif my stuff de...later need to plan dinner trip nia...haihz...and yes i m blogging in the evening...so sue me.

25/10/2007

Whew...25th liao loo...exams r drawing nearer..juz finished writing notes for today..spent around 5 hours nia...i guess tatz not bad aledi...still got 5 chapters to go....hopefully finish tomolo then can start revising for the first paper on 29th...27th got presentation summore....haihz...wonder how the team members r doing things? i m kinda tired of all tis aledi...yesterday i was feeling a bit under the weather...erm...a bit sick nia...mayb i pushed myself too far on monday...i settled everything for the website de nia...at least for now...today still feeling weak...but i guess studying a bit iz better than not studying at all...can face myself loh...take yesterday as a holiday for myself..a reward for finishing my stuff on monday...today went wif a fren to a nearby motor shop to fix up my motor...not tat it iz really busted or anything...need to get a new front license plate lah...last time break de wen i fell off my bike...n oso need to ask the boss to check up on the front...i think it iz a bit crooked to the side...but he said itz far more serious than tat...i still can drive lah but kinda weird loh...hm...been driving it for over a month aledi nia...even bring passengers sumtime...at first i tot tat the engine or sum other part was affected coz i feel like i couldnt reach 100km/h...checked it wif a midnight run wif the fren who go motor shop today n he said i clocked 110++...my meter juz show around 100...hahaha...i dun think my parents will b happy wen they learn bout me speeding at night though...juz now went supper wif coursemates..hahaha i dun think i hav really had supper wif them b4...gtg de...dota time!!

22/10/2007

YEAH!!! Kimi Raikonnen F1 champion liao!!! Today iz a bz day for me...either to play or to work...hm...Sunday oso over aledi...soon it will b my finals de loh...nowadays dun really spend time wif anyone...call up my mum three times liao i think since i came back...hahaha tatz veli frequent...but i hate the situation now than earlier wen no one iz around...at least at tat time i know no one iz around rather than being left alone...they all at home...not at KBH...they didnt abandon me...hahahha stupid way of thinking ya?...but tatz all i could do de...now...i know lah most ppl need to study...but i dun believe wen they claim they study whole day...hahaha sure will rest n kacau ppl de...sum even go out to play n relax...oftentimes negative scenarios play out in my head...but at least now i wont get so depressed de...i know it iz pointless n most of the time juz my imagination or misunderstanding...hopefully i can keep it tat way...but one thing iz for sure...dun always assume tat i wont follow or i m bz or sumting...how much do any of u know me? hehe...sure i m always bz or full of things to do but how do u know tat i m not waiting for sumone to save me? to take me out...to give me a reason to relax and play? ppl r weird nia...u might not think of going alone...but wen ppl ask...sure change decision veli fast de...wakakakak...haihz...all tis thoughts...sumtimes ppl say if i dun tell then no one will understand...but if i tell onli u do...where iz the sincerity in tat woh??...itz juz simple things nia...juz ask me...if i reject yur offer then different story...dun assume...plz...i hate it wen i find out got ppl out de then i ask ask then they say they thought i m bz...tatz the worst excuse nia...if u say different group then nvr mind lah...and if u lie to me about the trip..make sure i dont find out..otherwise the one in most pain iz not u..but me....there r sad stories everywhere...wonder if i write a biography of myself will bcome best seller or not oh?? hahaha...nowadays onli 1 person kept me company nia...thanx a lot...truly unexpected...sum ppl tat i hope will keep in touch wif me didnt...well mayb they truly r juz bz or sumthing...no matter...like a fren said...reject everyone...trust no one here...i myself add sumthing = stop thinking sumone will be your fren...so far so good i guess...sumhow i think it iz better tat my roommate not yet back nia...otherwise i will lose a lot of freedom...furthermore wat can 2 bored guys sharing the same room do? hahahaha....cant on9 in room...now sitting at the foyer...raining de...not bad..kinda windy...but raining almost everyday...haihz...kacau onli de...wana go eat oso hard...riding motor mah~~...i got involved in an accident oso due to rain de...my motor oso not yet repair nia...kenot go over 100km/h...weird...juz now take fren on motor kenot even reach 80!!!...argh!!!...hehehe i m speed demon lai de...sure it iz bad...but at least now not yet fix motor mah...even if i wan to, i kenot fly so fast de...furthermore wen i go out wif ppl i normally follow them...so if they dun go so fast i oso wont go fast nia...hm..2 sumthing in the morning aledi..tomolo bz day...not really bz lah..but tomolo pass up 1 assignment nia...feel kinda bad for giving wrong information to a coursemate earlier bout another assignment..i tot both of them pass up tomolo...i was wrong...hopefully wont affect the marks much nia...gtg de loh...more n more ppl will come back...wil anything change??...

20/10/2007

Eh...wat a boring day...at least i finished up part of my stuff...today got a lot of ppl around de...hahaha...everything iz going back to normal soon....izzit good or bad =_=...haihz...no dota as well...nothing much to post...not even 12am...sien oh...

20/10/2007

The anime really end liao loh...so nice...really deserve best anime of the year award...not tis year lah...2005 one if i m not mistaken...now sitting at the foyer sofa wif my laptop on my..er...lap n my legs on a plastic chair without slippers...veli comfortable...no one around...can listen to songs without headphones...addicted to the fourth opening of the anime de...."Sakura" by NIRGILIS...itz a japanese group tat used the song Amazing Grace as a background music...so cool...the lyrics r meaningful as usual...the ending really nice de...everything settled nicely..not the kind of hong kong drama ending where it iz too good to b true...sumtimes itz ridiculous...hahahaa...the romance part really touching...warm n sweet...the hero iz so cool...itz nice seeing how he n the girl he likes interact...they r true to each other...sure they argue...but they will work things out...not really 'love conquers all' scenario lah...they sit n discuss...they r honest to each other...n most of all they trust each other...true love at a young age...got plus n minus de...sum claim a relationship formed at a young age wont last long coz not tat mature yet...mayb juz puppy love...but the feelings r truly sincere i guess...wen u get older everything changes...oh yeah...forgot to say they r bound to each other through 3 adopted kids as well...war orphans to b exact...killed by the same girl who adopted them...the anime iz full of memorable quotes but i cant really mention them all...i would like to watch the whole thing again...haihz...another day gone again...wonder how long can tis peaceful days last...more n more ppl r coming back..yeah itz a good thing i guess...dunno lah...see how loh...but i feel kinda nice nowadays...better than b4 i go back Ipoh lah...mayb not bcoz of the condition here though...mayb itz coz i get to relax n escape from all tis for a week in Ipoh...haihz...1 am de...havent take bath yet...hm my projects r going on well i guess...hahaha cant really finish it by tonight...will finish it by tomolo...sunday got other things to do aledi...after all tis can relax a bit...n face the exams...kinda scary though..dunno how i will fare...if possible i wana get into dean's list once more...the projects i m doing now...hopefully they can help out wif my wish~~....or it might go the other way n drag down my marks =_=...no risk no gain eh??...sigh...dun wana go back lah...i can sit here all night...provided i got ppl to chat wif on9 hehehe...getting hungry again...the chocolate shake earlier finally digested de...hahahaa....

19/10/2007

Itz thursday aledi...haihz...projects due monday...juz my 'boss' came by my room n give me sumthing to do as well...itz not really tat bad if things come by one at a time...wrong timing i guess...hm...today kinda boring actually...nothing much to do...still veli quiet...even though i hate being alone but sumhow enjoying the peace...hm...i guess itz true tat most of my problems come from ppl around me...but i cant live alone...talking to a computer iz not tat fun...need to interact wif ppl...i feel tat i changed a lot...i can speak more...but still havent overcome the entire problem lah...for example i dun hav much problem dealing wif public speaking subject...i think back in form 6 i would hav been veli afraid...hehehe...i got 22/45 for my MUET speaking...i was shaking during the exam...i couldnt speak properly...luckily all my other marks r near perfect...juz a few marks short of band 6...but tatz history aledi loh..i think i can speak to girls much better than b4...hehehe considering i spent most of my school days wif boys...even during tuition i dun really mix wif girls...bad experience i guess...but sumtimes i still couldnt talk well...most of the time iz during arguments i guess...i hav made a promise tat i wont raise my voice or swear against a girl provided she starts first...nor could i hurt sumone too deeply wif my words...i know i hav gone too far sumtimes but i will try my best to keep my promise...occasionally i feel veli unhappy wen i m forced to back down...but tatz in the past as well...hm..wat else? an anime i m watching iz going to end soon...a love story spanning 50 episodes involving aliens n saving the world iz veli interesting to me...i like it veli much actually...hope it wont end...but all stories will end nia...even though i myself can nvr do or experience wat the main character goes through in the story but i m satisfied juz knowing the story n watching it all on my laptop...there r a lot of scenes tat make me feel warm inside...heh....getting hungry now de...long time since i hav gone supper...hehehe...

17/10/2007

Urgh...tis post iz kinda late de...the internet connection in KBH iz terrible...cant really surf or do anything...now sitting in foyer using wireless...the whole place iz kinda deserted...veli quiet...not many ppl...if got oso mostly went out or go fren's house...feel veli blur...dunno wana do wat de...veli lazy...dun really wana do work...but havto do loh...need to pass up...worth marks nia...hopefully more ppl will come back tis few days...i respect those who came back earlier than me or those who nvr gone back at all...

16/10/2007

I will juz keep tis post short...running out of time de...will b back UKM by tomolo...haihz...sien...feel so sad de...but i dun hav much of a choice...even though everything seems ok i cant feel relaxed nia...today ate a lot of things...pizza n tiger beer for dinner...hehe favorite things...finished a ps2 game during tis short 1 week stay in ipoh...enjoyed the story a lot...especially the little romance part...itz kinda nice...to experience sumthing like tat...hopefully i will hav a nice dream tonight...smiling wif a tear i guess ^_T...nitez..2 months till i can come back ipoh again~~

15/10/2007

Sometimes it iz so hard to explain to other ppl bout my problems from the beginning...sumtimes it iz frustrating as well...all my problems r related...one of the reasons i dun go out tat often iz bcoz...no one actually invites me tat often...wen i m free, ppl r not....wen i m not...ppl r free...i m lonely...n it goes on n on n on...hehe...sumtimes i juz swallow my feelings n agree to wat u all say...kinda lazy to talk anymore...i always think tat other ppl's way of thinking iz too simple...but mayb i m making things too complicated?...there r sumthings i can nvr ignore though...mayb itz the way i grow up..the environment..my past...my experiences...i dun like it wen ppl make everything sound so simple...if it iz...most of us would hav done it...there r many things to think about...like the consequences of our actions to the ppl around us as well as ourselves...the benefits if there iz...as well as the need...for instance going supper nia...i go supper bcoz i need food...i m hungry...n oso can go out n laugh a bit...but the recent supper trips were kinda bad...anyhow those r different stories tat i rather not talk about now...otherwise it would nvr end...gone r the reckless days...wen u think of sumthing then u juz do it...i dun think i can do it anymore...or izzit the circumstances does not let me to do it? or izzit tat i hav juz gotten soft n weak? mayb the king wai a few years back iz crazy n acts b4 he thinks...hahaha...but there iz no one to make sure nia...most of my frens in the past iz gone walking their own paths...sum didnt see for over a year or 2...got frenster geh...but duno wat to say anymore...but one thing iz for sure...the best days r gone...i think? hav there been best days b4?? surrounded by frens...i know i hav ppl tat i trust...but do they trust me as much as i do?? will they betray me?? i dun really think bout tis stuff in the past...

14/10/2007

Eh....dun really know wat to blog nia...but juz felt like blogging onli...eheheh...today went to ipoh garden east area play dota...not tat fun...going alone n all the matches was weird...either totally lose or win till ppl quit...sien...there goes most of my morning n afternoon...nothing much happening at night...oh yeah...saw a MV featruing a Malay artiste for hari raya celebrations...her hair iz so cooooll!!! instead of the usual red,brown or even blue highlights...she did hers in white!!! i like it nia...really unique...mayb not everyone can do it...oh yeah...regarding hairstyles...i didnt cut my hair or anything...will keep it till after exams i guess...2 months later...how long my hair will b then?...hopefully i can sit for my exam though hehe...tomolo iz sunday de loh...come back ipoh oso feel weird...ah..remembered sumthing!! saw a fren wen i went to play dota...juz chat a bit onli...hahah he was surprised at my new image..even though i hav been keeping my hair for a long time de...i miss a lot of ppl nia...i miss the good old days...i miss the girls of my life...even though they r wif sumone else right now but i dun hav any bad feelings against them as nothing ever happened between me n them...both times oso one-sided...so dun really feel ackward towards them...the most recent one...i m still not sure...may bcoz it iz impossible again?? might grow attached to another one soon...izzit bad to do so? switching so fast? but mayb i m juz looking for frens...hopefully can find out soon..without anyone getting hurt....hehehe...tatz all i guess...

13/10/2007

Another day passed...hehe today iz friday...pasar mlm de~~...itz nice walking through the neighbourhood pasar mlm nia...but my mind iz flooded wif the cheras pasar mlm trip...truly iz a blast...frankly speaking i hav nvr went pasar mlm purely wif girls b4...anywayz sum of the stuff iz available here as well...n i tot it was onli available at the cheras pasar mlm...hm..wat else happened today?...nothing much i guess...ate a lot of stuff...did sum work...time iz running out...tomolo i will go for an outing by myself...itz hard to find ppl tat share the same interest anymore...hehe...a lot of ppl hav moved on i guess...but for me i still like to play dota...i guess itz juz like ppl who like to tune their cars or ppl who like to gamble...itz not tat beneficial i think...but tatz wat v like ^_^...furthermore i m not tat bad at dota...n i enjoy it most of the time...i hav learnt not to always blame myself entirely for the lost...hehehe...itz a team game...so a one-man army wont work...furthermore back in UKM...itz my onli entertainment...as well as a way to know other ppl better...to share sumthing wif them opens up a lot of doors...at least got sumthing to chat about wen yumcha hehehe...oh yeah...earlier during my stay at the local cybercafe after walking a bit at the pasar mlm i saw a pair going to play dota nia...it was evident the girl following along her bf onli nia...i told my fren tat i wont ever force my girlfren to play dota...mayb i will stop playing entirely...dependz nia...but i wont force her to play...especially wen v r going out together...dun wana waste precious time together...walking wif her at the pasar mlm would hav been more fun n satsifying...instead of risking making her angry or bored...except she iz the girl i saw in midvalley...where she smiles as she juz sits quietly looking at her boyfren enjoying himself at the arcade..ah...tat sweet sweet smile...dark long hair summore...hahaha wat r the chances?? But itz not zero rite? i shud keep on dreaming nia...no need dark long hair gah~~...if me playing dota can make her happy...hm..too early to dream...

12/10/2007

Hm...aledi third day in Ipoh nia...time iz running short...today finished a part of my project...still got a long way to go...hopefully can do more in the coming weekend? But might b impossible..dunno...see how lah...hm...finally i m back to normal i guess...still kinda stressed out...still veli sensitive...but at least now got sum motivation to do work once more...like wat ppl say...sumone's gotta do it...n i m not going to let my chance at grabbing the dean's list be destroyed by other ppl...if i m stupid...if i m weak...at least i can blame myself..but to blame others...i dunno lah..mayb they got sum valid reason or sumthing...wonder how does it feels like to work wif 4 other me? hahaha....first of all it would b weird...anywayz today watched the news report bout accidents n stuff...sumtimes i think how would i feel if one of the ppl i know, ppl tat i m close wif were involved? surely it would hurt...hurt a lot..no matter how small the accident iz...i think my heart will race all the same...to lose sumone permanently once again...hahaha i was still young back then...n now i hav my necklace to remember it as long as possible...to cherish all those close me...but wat if it hurts myself by doing so?? haihz...i hav been catching up to the news lately...the child hui yi iz pretty cute....glad she could make it through her ordeal nicely..i think she will grow up to b a nice girl...hehehe...haihz...i m veli weak against girls wif dark eyes n dark straight hair...naturally dark n straight of course ^_^...but i wouldn't know if it was fake anyhow...not tat i dun like those wif curly or coloured hair though...hm...mayb the first impression will b better? hahaha...being in home truly makes me feel better...dun really feel lonely even without frens...but i m not saying i can live without them...one day hopefully i can find a group where i truly belong...frens tat i can trust...tat i wont b afraid will betray me...where i can laugh without worry...n where i can lean on wen i m feeling weak...anyhow i cant stop dreaming bout having a pretty girl to stare at all day...without her getting angry of course...in fact she would smile back right at me!!!...hahahaha i can onli dream...

11/10/2007

Second day in Ipoh aledi...hm..wat to say first...decided to start work today...but didnt really do much...hehehe..coz went shopping for PS2 games...long time didnt play de loh...went around Ipoh...today visited grandma's house...long time nvr seen my grandparents either...had sum fun there...erm....during the visit watched the Korean drama...didnt know bout the story but it was obvious 2 girls like 1 guy...as one of them tried to approach the guy, he was accompanying the other one...as she stood still, she heard the guy saying sumthing similar...a flashback occured...the guy told her the same thing wen she was feeling down...wen she needed sumone...she tot those words belong to tat moment i guess...belonged to them onli...but now he iz saying it to another girl...hahah i think can imagine tat her heart broken aledi...it was hard for her to hold it all in...sum scenes later she was in need of a companion..sumone to talk to...sumone to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on...she tried calling her sister but her sister juz ignored her...she could barely hold back her tears anymore...as her phone rang, she tot her sister iz coming for her but it was another guy talking crap...the guy sensed sumthing was wrong so went looking for her...hahahaha...back to reality...i guess sumtimes really fate lah...the guy couldnt hav predicted tat the girl needed sumone...he juz called to chat a bit...they might end up as a couple in the end....but does a relationship built on pure chance last long?? dun really know...anywayz i think v muz always bkful of wat v say...u nvr know wen sumone will hold yur words close to their heart...if it iz sweet or sumthing tat helps then it will b comforting n warm...if itz not suitable or painful then it will b veli veli painful...even though it iz juz as a joke...ppl get offended at wat u say easily bcoz they think of u as a close fren...i guess tat iz 1 way to look at it...as a close fren u shud understand well wat lines muz not b crossed...hehehe i guess i will keep the post short today...dont feel too good...haihz...

New blog~

Hehehe...finally moved my blog from frenster de...not like most ppl care anyhow...onli 1 person directly responded to my post nia...i will continue posting my stuff here...hopefully tis blog will last longer than the frenster one...n oso b more cheerful...anywayz today finally went back Ipoh de loh...whole sem oso nvr go back coz no mid sem break....but stay 1 week onli...soon will b back in UKM to settle the rest of my projects as well as prepare for the final exam...back in ipoh sure iz great...but everything seems so foreign now...even though i hav known it for the most part of my life thus far...it was great being wif my family again...it was great being home!!...no need to worry bout food, no need to worry bout washing clothes...can sit back n watch tv...how long since i hav really sit down to watch tv nia...normally juz go library hav a sneak peek...however...as i suspected nia...the neighbourhood frens here...even though they all were smiling n laughing wen i surprised them but...things hav changed de...the undefeatable DOTA team of first garden is officially gone...sumhow it iz veli discouraging to see the captain to pull away from a game...well as expected we lost to a group of teens younger than i m...their teamwork iz veli good...haihz..the good old days r gone...no matter how strong individuals r...they will lose to the teamwork of the opposing team...well i guess i can concentrate more on my projects...2 projects in less than 2 weeks...sounds insane eh? stil got 1 more due mid-november...yes..tatz during our exams...haihz...i m missing the guys n girls in KBH aledi..the feelings of frenship between us was real for a time...but now...i really hope v can b frens...v can hang out together...can talk crap or discuss serious matters together...haihz...itz hopeless i guess...most of u hurt me in more ways than i can count...sum ask me if tis problems were from last sem...i dun really know...but tis sem it iz more terrible i guess...coz most of the students tat stayed for their second year are from first n second floor..at least those active fellas lah...so i need to know them from the beginning..itz not like there iz aledi frenship between us...yala we know each other's name...but tatz it...i can nvr really feel myself joining their group...after all i m the outsider...while those who remained from the third n fourth floor...they go back every weekend if possible...so tatz why my weekends r so terrible...holidays as well...furthermore a lot of them r bound to each other through societies like PBSM...n oso Han Hua...i m not in either one nia...i m in PKK...i m all alone in there...the onli chinese actually...haihz...wen they hav meetings or activities i feel like i m isolated loh...but i guess itz not a feeling...i really m isolated...sumtimes they will catch me sitting at the foyer lazily...actually i crack my head trying to finish all my assignments as fast as possible n then sit at the foyer to relax n hopefully catch one or 2 of my frens passing by after their respective meetings or activities...furthermore my room iz at the corner nia...bside the toilet...yeah itz convenient wen u need to use it but no one ever visits u unless they need yur help...sumtimes i m juz the technician...i always try to make myself useful..offering my assistance in anyway possible...wat i wan in return iz juz ppl to talk wif...i dun hav much talents other than tat...i cant sing, i cant dance...i cant even get to know juniors...i dun think hoping tat their laptops will breakdown iz a good idea...in fact it iz evil...lastly...a lot of ppl pair up tis sem...to me it means losing frens...we r no longer their priority...especially if their partners r in UKM...sure it hurts by i dun wana stop them from getting together...so i try to distance myself...wat about me u ask? following from the frenster blog...yeah i like sumone now...a 'moment' happened...but the ending will b the same...hopefully i can explain the whole thing one day...for now i fear tat it might affect not onli me but the girl as well...juz keep the fact tat i cant b wif her...ah...the feeling of loneliness indeed iz great tis sem...i m surprised i could hold on for so long...i think in my first year nothing of tis magnitude ever happened...i hav experienced a new level of sadness n depression...but still i m going strong...i need to...hopefully one day i will get wat i wan...frenship...n escape from loneliness...ok loh...first post aledi so long...but i think i still got sumthing not yet say lah....