Having fun complaining

Guess this is a sudden relapse of my blogging habit. Or I simply have reached the limit of talking with people. This blog has always been the keeper of my thoughts. I do not wish for people to simply be silent when I talk to them. But the reason why I am losing my patience daily is the reaction that I get as well as interaction with other people. I have yet to meet people who actually care why I snap during a conversation. They simply attribute it to me being sensitive or that is just how I am instead of giving me the benefit of a doubt. I think I have touched on this matter before. Is this how people should behave? Is my thinking wrong? I am not a hypocrite in this matter I think. I do try my best to accommodate others or to try finding out what went wrong. Many people are very good at being silent and pretending that everything is okay but that is the direct opposite of okay. If you do not make it clear that you are offended, I will keep on offending you and in the end I will lose you as a friend without a chance for me to amend. I guess that just means I am not worth much as a friend to you after all. I do admit that the meaning of a friend is getting more and more diluted as our society changes. Anyone can be a friend. Do friends actually care for each other nowadays?

I am constantly irritated maybe because that the barrel is filling up faster than I could empty it. But how can I? Money issues are back stronger than ever. Each day I go about choosing food that I can afford and not the food that I want to eat. And people still complain about figuring out what to eat. Is this what they call first world problems? I haven't reach the level of poor people but I still have a rather limited choice in the matter and it is annoying. Finding another job would require a lot of effort that may not generate a better return. I guess this is the reason why people stay at one company for an extended period of time even though the benefits are not good. We wait and we wait, but for what? Hope may just kill off your dreams. Before long you would have been waiting for 10 years and still nothing has changed. Regret will get you nowhere. Neither does one litre of tears or killing your boss or burning down the company. Life is harsh. That is a reality that many of us choose to escape from. Some are not aware how harsh it is for the entire duration of their life whereas there are people that face challenges everyday. If you put enough continuous pressure, people will be broken eventually. Those that are not, have my utmost respect.

I am not saying that I am broken. To be broken is a very severe mental condition and would seriously require a huge turnaround in life as well as positive chain of events to heal. The people that get the chance to recover will eventually be very wise since they have experienced both sides of the coin. Life is harsh but it is also beautiful. Life experiences can not be purchased but sometimes I doubt the value in them. I have some I can call my own but so far it only brings me more despair as I become very aware of what is lacking in people. And as all of you may know, people do not change easily. Maybe you can call this a modified superiority complex but I just could not take childish behaviour at an adult level. Silly mistakes done by senior people is almost as unbearable. What can I do? Lecturing them will earn me their concentrated wrath while ignoring them will only fill in my anger barrel. Not everyone reacts positively towards criticism. That is another gripe of mine. How come people cannot do the correct thing? It took me a while to come towards the conclusion that most of all people take precedence in feelings and not logic. It was too idealistic of me.

You have people that ignore and you have people that insult your parents. How many people you know actually build on criticism? Perhaps they too are on the edge like me. Which is not very pleasant. My only way of coping is simple to retreat somewhere and escape. However, I do not have the money to purchase entertainment services. Nor is my rented room comfortable. I am at a dead-end. Exercising and sweating it out can only help you to a small extent. Usually the logic is that you interact with more people and thus gain stress-relieving benefits by enjoying a teamwork victory or simply chatting and knowing someone new. Sadly even though I consider myself not introverted but I am not extroverted to the level that I greet everyone I see at the park. Let me repeat myself again for my sake and for the information of those new to the blog. Daily I am reminded of what I lack, what I do not have and what I sacrifice. A good example would be food choices I explained earlier. And you get people who share new phones, vacation trips, new hardware, new car and even new house in Facebook. Of course they mean no harm. But who wouldn't feel jealous?

A simple walk through a big shopping mall alone would drive me crazy. Without someone to occupy my wandering mind, I will be concentrated on window shopping and my current economic situation. People say it is good to know what you want. I think it is not true for my case. Many times I wish I do not know, or I do not care. But this is already the way I am. Can you blame me for clinging onto a form of escapism so desperately as reality closes in all around me? I am sure that all you readers have issues of your own. I am considered very lucky to be here, 26 years old, all limbs attached, having income and healthy parents. But that doesn't mean I do not have the right to feel jealous of others or to be angry. I am only human after all. Hopefully it has been a fun read for everyone and I apologize if what I write resonates with your current issues. I sincerely wish for the happiness of others and to those who have love issues, I know I will be scolded for this but seriously, to even be in a relationship is something people like me cannot see at the moment. Take care and who knows if I might come up with more content tomorrow.

Socially tired

I guess this post is rather unexpected considering I rarely blog unless it is a monthly update. I just need to get some things off my chest and this is the best place to do it. Of course I can find some friends to chat but then that is the core of the problem. Somehow, I am tired of dealing with people. A few years ago, I was naive thinking that it is simply a figure of speech. Now, after experiencing first hand, I admit and I take back my words if I ever dismissed people complaining about people fatigue. If you care about people and how they think about you, simply interacting with too many over the course of a few days will fry your brain. My irritation level is overflowing and I feel tired throughout the day even though I have enough sleep. Physical activity might be part of the cause but I am not really feeling muscle aches or heavy limbs. My senses simply dull and shut down. I cannot understand how so many people around my age or older can behave in such an illogical manner. I understand that people are unpredictable but hopefully not in a bad way. People tend to tell me that I think too much and therefore I tire myself out. If it was a simple switch, I would have turn it off soonest possible. If you know where it is, kindly point me to it. It is no mere habit.

Some people behave selfishly, some people are simply inconsiderate and some people are unintentionally rude. If all of them do not realize that their words or actions are causing people grief, where should the blame go? Simply dismiss it since they did not mean it explicitly? Then where the hurt feelings go? Sure you can swallow it but how much can you down? Life deals you a slap as quickly as it dispenses sweets. Pain and joy does not go well together and I am exhausted trying to be happy while dealing with problems. It is simply not someone like me can do I suppose. I salute the others who manage to tread through such treacherous waters with unflinching conviction. Getting out more does not help since it is only a form of escape and problems seldom solve itself. In fact it might even deteriorate. Though thinking too much about it will not help much either. At least I can figure out the reasons and how I can try to avoid a similar problem popping up later down the road. This is also why I dislike people who have a choice but made the wrong one and purposely stick to it even though they know it is wrong. There are people who are forced and then there are people like them. Such is reality, where everything is unpredictable.

And reality is always such a cruel truth. Take my blog for example, I bet the previous post got a spike in audiences simply because I post a new picture of myself. We always judge by appearances no matter how much we say otherwise. Even I do so when I go out and meet people. Even though our judgement criteria is different, we still do it our way. Why can't people view me nicely even when I am fat? Simply because I am not attractive. Now, I succumb and I play by the rules of society. However, there is a logical case here since a healthy body will generally yield an attractive or simply put, slimmer appearance. Naturally we are programmed to pursue a healthy partner for the future. Hell if I know how people choose unhealthy partners and lived happily ever after. Even though I know some things are wrong, but if society thinks otherwise, I cannot do anything. I can detach myself from society and be isolated or I can be flexible and blend in. The second option is the obvious choice but again it wears down on my psyche and my principles. Will I end up indifferent? Will I lose my own way of thinking and follow the generally accepted way of thinking?

Anyway I can't end on such a selfish note right? Here is some food for thought on health. What people think as old age diseases are rapidly changing into common diseases simply due to the generation gap. The older generation was exposed to the Internet, Bluetooth, fast food, processed food at a much later age whereas we have been eating McDonalds since primary school. How long have you been using a handphone? Since our exposure started earlier, shouldn't our health concerns be adjusted accordingly as well? I know many who do not care but there is really nothing to lose by taking care of your health. I know it is quite a hassle and it is not easy to let go of some of your favourite foods. But please do not wait until it is too late or until some amount of damage has been done before you start. I understand it is your life and your health but soon it will not be yours alone. If your responsibilities to your parents take second priority, what about your partner or future children then? How many more sad stories must I listen before the people that I care start to listen to mine? Is it wrong now to care for people? This discussion could take all night but I guess this is all from me. Take care everyone.

Monthly update, Sunway and Superman

Sorry for being late, I was really tired yesterday. As you all may know, it is the end of the month and my update post is due. I think I will blog about recent happenings first before proceeding to my health and fitness report. I don't think it is nice to switch topics throughout the post so might as well get one done first. As I have predicted, my colleague is leaving for greener pastures. I have been working for a year and I think there is still another year in me if the situation maintains the same. But due to the nature of a small team, a departure is strongly felt. Maybe I will leave if another decides to do so. Nothing much happening on the social front. Trying my best to butt into whatever activity that I know of. The lack of proper transportation spoils my effort but somehow things still work out albeit at a lesser scale. Anyway the highlight of the month would be the outing yesterday to Sunway Lagoon. I have never entered that place for at least 10 years. Seriously. For the price they charge, I think it is appropriate considering you can ride or play something as many times as you want to. It was really fun and tiring. Nowadays I am more of the relaxed and chill kind of person but screw that, it is Sunway Lagoon. And I am glad I have been exercising. Honestly.

So, back to my monthly update. I have been looking and comparing with my old photos and I think there is quite an improvement from the end of February. Even though I have proven my personal theory that arms are easy to develop and tone, but at the cost of veins popping out easily. Of course it helps when I want to flex and make my arms look 'strong' but I wonder if there is another way. No, I do not flex randomly at shopping malls nor do I purposely wear basketball uniforms. My entire closet consists of T-shirts and buttoned shirts. For the most part of May, I have been resuming normal rice portions and even fast food as an experiment since there were theories that we need as much carbohydrates as protein to have a nice body. Considering that I have some muscles now, I hope my body can take more carbohydrates. The results are satisfactory, but my abs still won't develop much. If I breath in strongly, you can actually see my ribs. Maybe I will go back to carbohydrate reduction in June as a last ditch effort otherwise I just hope that further muscle development will do the rest. I don't really feel like sticking to a diet anymore. I will still keep healthy eating habits but it is not fun restricting yourself all the time.

Now a brief description of what I am currently doing as well as some other tips I pick up recently. I go for runs 3 times a week. Usually Mondays and Wednesdays it is interval running where I warm up, dash, slow jog, dash and repeat for a few laps. I should cover around 3km and my route involves inclines. On Friday, I will run around 5km but at a more consistent speed. Somehow it seems like a leisure run because I tend to push myself during interval running for the best effect. After those runs, I maintain a standard routine of sit ups and push ups before some stretching. Now my sit ups are basically V-ups and a modified bicycle crunch and then ending with leg raises. Push up would be the standard one but I tend to touch the ground with my nose. After that, 20 seconds of side planking. Usually I do around 10 for sit ups and 20 for push ups. Then I repeat again. I do lower the count if I find myself having difficulty maintaining my current stance or form. Total of 60-80 sit ups and 40 push ups per session I guess. It is common sense to switch up your exercise in order to prevent your body from being too familiar and simply adapts to the strain but I think I will be sticking to this for a while.

Some simple tips I would like to remind people about is to always maintain a proper diet as much as possible. That includes eating in time, regular meals, balancing the meal contents and if possible, count the calories. Try to avoid processed foods, or generally foods that can be stored or prepared quickly since it may not be fresh. I do eat some but generally it is because I do not have the resources to obtain the better alternatives. For example, I still take canned tuna in olive oil instead of fresh fish due to lack of kitchen facilities and money. Gravy and soup actually contains abnormally high amount levels of calories as well as fat due to the ingredients mixing around and generally fat melts out of meat when cooked. Food control is much more important than getting exercise since our body is based on the things we take in. The chances of someone being fat because he eats junk food is higher than lack of exercise. Being alive is already burning calories, we are simply increasing it as well as building muscles for utility purposes I suppose. You do not need a lot of muscles to live but you need a healthy body. Last shout out to people who smoke, I know we all die someday, and I know all of you are very optimistic, but if it does not kill you, it will still make you sick, uncomfortable and burns your money. Bad breath too. To end this post in a happy note, check out the following video : SUPERMAN