Happy NEW YEAR 2012

The new year is here!!! Everyone is hyper and jumping up and down and screaming and banging their heads somewhere. Perhaps I am only saying this because I do not have any plans for countdown but using the day as an excuse to overspend and tire yourself out is not advisable. I dare to gamble that many people will be complaining of being sick, fatigued or some other predicament that may be caused by the celebrations today. Might I add that road blocks will be in full force today so please check your alcohol level and fasten your seatbelts. Now that I am done with being a spoilsport, I want to say I am not happy. However, I am not sad either. It is ridiculous to even lie that I am enjoying my time in my room but I wouldn't say I am sad. I just learn to deal with my circumstances and do what is best.

Yes, I went exercise again. Somehow it grants me a nice feeling as I sit in my room after an awesome bath and my body just relaxes and cherish the bed. I wonder if I am over-exercising nowadays. Currently I am testing if my body can handle light exercise on my off days and continue with the routine as usual. Light exercise include walking around the park and simple stretching. I hope it would keep my body revved up and recover faster. Now I am skipping even my weekend breakfast binge. No more wanton mee or american breakfast. Chocolate milk and fibre biscuits now. I would say I have a very obsessive behaviour when I really do set my sights on something. Hopefully I won't be trying too hard when I am chasing a girl later on else I might scare her away with my enthusiasm.

To repeat what I mentioned on Christmas, do not wait until special days to pull off special events for you and your loved ones. Try to make things random and perhaps plan something in the middle of March for example when it is boring and lame. Recently I managed to chat with an old acquaintance of mine who complained about feeling 'lost'. He doesn't know what he wants to do, what he is supposed to do and daily life has become a chore. I think I felt the exact same way while I was working my first job but perhaps our reasons differ. When you do not have someone to make your life interesting, do it yourself. You can't possibly hope someone will always be there to cheer you up and plan happening events do you? Kind of idealistic if you ask me. Cook up some small projects and track their progress. Find satisfaction in the small things you do and reflect on personal accomplishments whenever possible.

However, usually the problem is to get all fired up to do something. Sometimes it is hard to continue whatever that you enjoy doing with the trials and tribulations of daily life. I realize that I am very privileged to be able to even 'enjoy' the things that I do now. I enjoy listening to Korean songs, watching anime and exercising in pursuit of my goal. Sounds easy but I can tell you it is not easy to feel real enjoyment in things you like. I like to play computer games but I don't like it when I am playing in the company of people I do not like or games that I am not good at. Some people are not even sure what they actually like. If at any moment that you think you should be doing something else or be somewhere else, you are not enjoying yourself. Worst possible ending? You regret wasting your time. Finding what you really like is as hard as finding your purpose in life I guess.

I don't dare to say I have found my purpose in life yet. Maybe it is as simple as making my partner happy and establish a healthy family. Maybe it is to establish my own company and rule the market. I wouldn't think too far yet. I would rather concentrate on what is in front of me or risk losing it forever. Nobody is rushing me or you so why not take things as they come? Plans are good but there is always the risk of disappointment so why not be more flexible? I realize I am giving rather obvious advice and perhaps it may not be possible for some of you to follow due to numerous circumstances but please try. Is it worth all the negativity and regret to continue your cause? Everything in life has a price to pay and being happy has a hefty price tag too. Perhaps I am already paying for it in ways that I couldn't imagine but I think I won't be regretting it. Cheers to 2012 and a HAPPY NEW YEAR people!!!!

Pictures and exercise

It is kinda hard to believe that in less than 24 hours the new year is dawning. Things are too quiet and routine around here. Somehow the reality of the situation has not set in and I am treating today just like any other Friday. There wasn't much work done today due to holiday mood. Most of my colleagues are on leave. We did went on an expensive lunch just for the heck of it. After all, today is the last working day of 2011. Therefore, to commemorate the day, I decided to use the company laptop's webcam to take a photo of me looking grumpy at work. Now the picture is in MSN and also Facebook. I guess it is time for me to update my profile photo anyway. Maybe I should make a new year resolution to take more pictures of myself. Perhaps then I will be able to make better poses for the camera when the need arises.

Speaking of photos, I have decided to take one that shows my current body figure. It is rather shameless but I really do intend to keep my promise of keeping fit. So might as well start keeping progress photos at monthly intervals. I was holding my breath by the way.



So as you can see, it is still work in progress. But I think it is a huge difference from how I look 8 months ago. I started exercising when I started my current job around the middle of April. Since then, I have never stepped into a gym or purposely change my diet except for skipping unhealthy snacks and supper. I prefer the natural way of working out though the results are rather slow. Maybe I really need to consider joining a gym if I intend to achieve my goal. I will continue my current regime for another 3 months and now with this monthly progress thing, I can track changes clearly. My weight has somewhat stabilized at 76kg. My height is 177 cm if some of you are curious and my BMI is actually slightly overweight.

Currently I am attempting to cut down on the food I eat in order to trim my abdominal fat. I think some muscle already exist in there but the fat is blocking the view. I am still maintaining the same exercise routine with increasing run distance. I still refuse to bump up my arm exercise because I am trying to keep them toned but small. I am not a fan of balloon biceps and I think large arms look ridiculous on my frame. Furthermore if my upper body starts to get huge, I really will look like a bouncer since my face naturally looks hostile. Nowadays I will start incorporating impromptu stretches and exercise into room activities. However I am still wondering how to benefit from those 9 hours in the office. Sitting whole day long won't burn calories and might increase my butt size. Surprisingly my legs are toned now but my ass still looks the same. I do not have pictures.

Earlier a friend of mine mentioned that it will take years for a person to actually have a good looking body. To me, that sounds just like a challenge and I will remember it as motivation for myself. It took me 8 months to have this basic body figure and even if it takes another year, I would still have done it in under 2 years. Time limit aside, I would also be healthier than most of my peers especially those of my age. There is nothing to lose and much to gain so hopefully readers will also spare a thought for making health a priority in the coming year. That's it from me and enjoy the last day of 2011!!!!

Relationships and me

Once more I am back in KL, sitting in my rental room. The train departed 2pm sharp from Ipoh train station and arrived at KL Central a bit late around 4.45pm. Surprisingly I manage to get some quality sleep during the trip. Perhaps I am just very tired due to the outing late last night. As I step back into my room, I could feel something changed within me. Even though it is not a good thing but I feel that I can once more be who I really am. Maybe I feel more comfortable and free living by myself. I am not implying that my family is very strict or that they judge me recklessly, but its just that I think I am a bit different at home compared with elsewhere. I am sure most of you restrain yourself or change your attitude in the presence of your family. I think I will behave differently in front of the girl I like too. Does that count as a lie?

Speaking of girls that I like, I think my celebrity crush decreased a bit. Perhaps it is true that time corrodes feelings including attraction. Previously I was listening to k-pop and watching korean variety shows frequently and therefore I am exposed to the idols more. In Ipoh, I didn't really listen or watch anything Korean except for the drama in one of the local television channels. I just plough through my daily routine as usual. Now I am actually afraid to watch those shows once more because I know I will be hooked once again. This is the same situation with the game, Starcraft II. I purposely distanced myself because I know if I let myself get too deep into it, I might not be able to stop so easily again. However, I need any motivation I can get to accomplish my goal of learning Korean and sticking to my exercise routine. Besides, how bad can it get?

Feelings and time are very funny things. Through the passage of time, feelings of attraction and love may grow between 2 very different individuals. Most probably due to the increased understanding and constant communication and interaction with each other. You may enjoy spending time with the person and emotionally becomes a bit dependent on the said person. With this theory, it is very much possible that feelings can be 'created'. I still remember knowing a girl as a friend and with enough time together I actually grow attracted to her. The tricky part though, is whether or not the other party feels the same about you. Therefore, perhaps now I am not waiting for a chance meeting with someone but waiting for the chance to spend time with someone. If you have time together, you will have the chance to show your best qualities and hopefully impress and make the person curious about you.

Now that we are touching on relationships with other people, I actually made a decision to ignore someone that I know. That 'someone' shall now be known as A. A could have been so much more and we could have shared a more meaningful friendship but I seriously could not stand the way A communicates. Today was seriously the last straw. I already tried to feign ignorance and continue the conversation but still the nonsense keeps coming. I think I have provided enough time and chances for A before I decided to take this stance. Perhaps A don't give a shit how I think. This only means that A is not worth the time and effort to make this friendship work. I know A likes to joke around and perhaps A does not mean anything that is mentioned but it is still very annoying to me. Anyway A already has a partner and I don't, so perhaps the problem lies in me being picky about how other people behave.

As we grow up, relationships become complicated and tricky. Relationships with friends, family and colleagues are now filled with lies, compromise, and secrets. Some of them are done with good intentions but reality cannot be manipulated so easily. Things are bound to go wrong and spiral out of control. Do I need to face the one I love with a fake smile in the future? In our current society, honesty is definitely not the best policy anymore. Even I personally cannot take the truth if it was presented to me in a way that I find offensive. Handling human interaction is a skill honed by experience and tears. I hope this post has been thought-provoking and interesting. Tomorrow is the last working day of 2011 and I hope everyone will enjoy Friday!!!

Lost post?

I am not sure if anyone else experience this before but my post just disappeared. Perhaps it is due to me logging into my work account to check the mail while I am working on the post. Anyway I will try to summarize everything here again I guess. Due to a late outing with my neighbourhood friends in Ipoh I came back rather late and thus the delayed blog post. I manage to hang out with the people during my internship period during university days as well. Made me think about my own social circle and I bet you people are not interested to hear about it so I guess the lost post is a blessing in disguise. I think I gained a lot of weight but I wouldn't know for sure until I measure it properly. If that is the case, I will need to re-evaluate the things I eat for the upcoming CNY celebrations. I am severely sleep-deprived so I guess this is all from me. My memory is not working as good as I want it to. Enjoy the day everyone!!!

2012 coming

Somehow I managed to come back in time to blog about the day. Without really noticing I have been doing this nightly routine for a few weeks. I do have the capacity to continue writing but I usually forget all about the things I want to write by now. Sadly, I do not have the tendency to take photos so the blog still looks bland even though it is filled to the brim with my writing. Or perhaps people just do not care that much about my blog. I take no offense from it because I do not really read other blogs daily either. This blog is just my personal space to express myself in words. I can only hope that the things I write will provide entertainment or some food for thought to the people who take their time to read it.

Anyway I just came back from an outing with my friends from Ipoh. There wasn't really much catching up as somehow everyone made it feel like it was just any other outing. We joked about current affairs as we rush to Jusco to catch Sherlock Holmes 2. It was a rather good watch and I think it is well balanced between comedy, dialogue and action. Not a bad movie to end 2011 for me. I doubt I will be catching any movies being released this coming Thursday. From there we headed out for supper and continued our idle chatter. However it didn't last long because we are not in the same channel anymore. I understand it is something inevitable but time changes people. Perhaps they remained the same and it is just me that changed but hopefully things will remain for a while longer.

We are different from each other and that is why we are attracted to each other. Furthermore each attraction is of a different kind. For example, I may be attracted to his sense of humour or his deep knowledge of technology. However it is usually affected by our recent experience, interests and events. Our priorities will shift according to our needs. It is rather miraculous to find something in this world that could resist change. Even love evolves as the relationship strengthens or weakens. But love is not something that could be understood so easily. We do not simply fall in love with looks, personality or wealth alone. All 3 of those will change through time as well. What we will come to love is everything about the person and everything that the person will be. It is never easy to love someone but it is too easy to claim be in love.

Now that I think about it, perhaps the rift between me and the group exists due to my constant nagging them to move to KL. In some way it is a twisted way to show concern for their future but I need to understand that they do not appreciate me doing so. Earlier today I had a discussion with an old friend about his decision to stay in Ipoh even though with his capabilities I am sure he will survive easily in KL. More or less, it is about personal opinion on needs and wants. The only time when a person is satisfied is when the person is happy and is content with everything currently. Which to me is hard to believe. I am very anti-complacency and I frequently seek improvements whenever and wherever possible. We are given a chance to live life and I honestly think we should go and discover all that is to be offered.

Suddenly I remembered that I touch this topic before. Oh well, I am too lazy to delete it and think of other stuff to write. Currently I am revisiting what I missed so far in Ipoh, Korean songs. With a severely limited bandwidth, I could not access my Youtube playlist and I didn't really bother to download those songs earlier. Touching on the topic of love earlier made me reflect on my celebrity crush as well as my overall interest in Korean shows. They give me a strange, warm and comfortable feeling that I could not find elsewhere. A sense of peace and fulfilment as if all problems of mine simply disappear. Perhaps I am so fixated on it that all the other stuff are pushed aside. Tomorrow is another workout day but judging by the recent weather I think I might as well stay indoors. That's all from me, take care and have a good Wednesday.

Boxing Day 2011~

I admit I couldn't really come up with a better title. As usual, nothing much happened today at home. Today is the last of the holidays for most people including my brother. I will be staying here until Thursday though. It was fun messing around with him even though usually we end up bickering. I think he is the only one that can seriously stand me but it is not like he has a choice does he? The whole family will be waking up early tomorrow to send him off at the train station. Anyway it is just a short time until the New Year so I think productivity in offices will be close to zero. It may even be a good thing to get back to work since colleagues can share stories and Christmas goodies. It all depends on how you view things actually.

I might sound that I am too clingy to my family but well accidents aside, the time with them is rather limited. Especially now that me and my bro is working, we seldom get to gather together and spend time. I hope it is understandable that I choose to spend the exact holiday with my family instead of friends cause personally I think it is more meaningful that way. The same reason why people spend the first day of the Chinese New Year at home with their family if there are no unnatural circumstances. Perhaps I am considered very traditional but I have lost a close relative before and I hope I can spend more time with the family. However, I do have my own life so it won't be 24/7 with them unless there is a solid reason. For example, I stayed home this few days cause my brother will go back KL tomorrow.

I will spend the New Year celebrations in KL at the end of this week. I do not have high hopes for how the thing will end since I am very well aware of my current situation and circumstances. Most probably I will be alone in my room and surfing the Internet and blogging. I am, after all, a foreigner in KL. My family and my close friends are all based in Ipoh. New friends I made in KL all have their own established social circles already so it is pretty much impossible for me to penetrate it easily. Those who are married is even harder for me to get close with since their family means the whole world to them. Of course I do not mean married females. Usually I stay far away from them. However, I do hope I could go around those shopping complexes and check out the celebration preparations there. I hate traffic and I will be alone so I don't think I will be counting down outside.

Nowadays having days off is already a good enough blessing for me. Sometimes when you are being too occupied with your life, especially your social life, you tend to get carried away by the current. You do not have enough time to think things through or to reflect on your current situation and status. I think it is always good to keep yourself in check or we might risk getting into an irreversible situation. Off days usually means I could do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want. And also more time alone to be spent thinking stuff. Learning to avoid the negative bits is the hard part. But I think the rewards outweigh the risks. Sometimes, by getting negative you realize there is still much more to fix in your life. The next step is up to you, your willpower and your way of thinking.

This post is seriously getting boring since I am already yawning while reading through it as a brief spell checking exercise. The parts about me spending time alone is not meant to invite pity but that is just how it is and I have come to accept those as reality and as facts. It is a great lie if I were to say I am happy that I am alone but I will appreciate your silence as a gesture of support for myself. Each person deal with their problems in their own way. I am guilty of this too but try to refrain from dispensing sagely advice everywhere even though it is correct. People who are suffering from great distress tends to be irrational. Ending this on a happy note, take care and enjoy Tuesday!!!

Feasts and eggs

The Christmas feast continues as I burn through bacon carbonara for lunch and other various goodies throughout the day. I can say the same for various others that upload their plans of the day which involves church activities, tourist spots and more food. To some people it is just another day, while to others it is one of their highlights of the year. It is actually kinda fun to go through my Facebook wall reading and commenting since I dare say the activity level is at least double any other Sunday. The Christmas fireworks still going on outside my house and I think it may very well continue into the midnight. The New Year is just less than a week away so might as well follow through I guess?

I find myself more and more complacent as I settle into the peaceful lifestyle of Ipoh. Less desire, less expectation, less stress, less rush and less worries. Perhaps less bandwidth plays a huge factor to all this as well. Yes I only have limited internet because usually it is only my parents using it for occasional surfing. Most of the time I spend catching up with my family. The only exciting event that happened today would be my hair cut. As usual my mum will comb my hair straight before asking me again how long she is supposed to cut. After getting the confirmation, she snips away while engaging me in a conversation. Less than 15 minutes later it is done and after a brief look in the mirror, time to wash my hair and continue my life. Now it is safely at shoulder length and looks like a rabbit's tail when tied.

I find that I have started being forgetful lately as I could not recall what I want to say even while conversing with my family. And now, I almost forget to mention that I actually consumed a raw egg this morning. It was disgusting as expected but it wasn't really puke inducing. Best of all, my stomach actually survived the ordeal and I am feeling great now. If any of you are attempting to do this as well, I must insist that you choose the quality of egg properly. I invested in those Korean eggs which cost almost RM1 each and I think my health and safety is worth that much. I don't think this will be a routine of mine in the future but I do need to finish up the rest of the eggs. I think that cooking the eggs would be a waste though. More raw protein goodness tomorrow then.

Yesterday I caught a glimpse of Korean videos of idols performing songs in English while browsing through my Facebook wall. Most probably I will be downloading the HD version to keep when I am back in KL. I am lucky enough to have some friends that support my rather naive feelings and didn't tease me about it. At least they didn't do it up front and maybe they are just faking the encouragement but well why doubt friends? I will just take their goodwill on face value and feel good about it. Tomorrow perhaps I will go for some exercise to burn at least a wee bit of what I have eaten this past few days. I think I have regained what I tried to lose 2 weeks ago in 3 days. I seriously hope I can whip my body into shape by May. That is exactly one year of me starting to exercise routinely. Mind this, I have never entered a gym.

I seriously cannot find a lot of material to blog about being in Ipoh. There is less angst from me and less travelling since I can have all that I need to survive just by being at home. Everything is so comfortable here. TV has been rather interesting due to the numerous Christmas shows and well I dare say my family is already plenty entertainment. Anyway I think most of you would be busy with your activities so I won't make this long. Take care and enjoy the holiday. It is still not too late to create memories with your loved ones. It is never too late as long as everyone is still alive. Go for it.

Christmas 2011~

This post started with the title of Christmas Eve 2011 but I realize by the time I am done it will already be Christmas anyway. I find that my time in Ipoh has become slow and relaxing. Most probably because there is nothing much to do and I am almost done with whatever I need to settle in Ipoh. However I find I have been eating much more food due to the sheer abundance of it. Yes, I dare say nothing outside could compare to a home-cooked meal by my mum and her trademark soup. However, I still need to take care of my diet else it would postpone my efforts to have a fit body. Earlier for dinner, I actually tackled 3 lamb chops with a mixture of guinness stout and kampai. Now I am seriously very sleepy but no regrets for that.

Observing what my Facebook wall shows, people are celebrating Christmas being happy and being sad. I do wonder why people still feel bad on Christmas. But I am not one to forget my past and I admit I was the same some time ago. Of course it is never happy to be alone, but sometimes you just need to make do with whatever you can. I know I have no right to say something like this as I am sitting in the comfort of my hometown but life is how you make it to be. I have come to be more accepting and instead focus on the future and what else will happen. Well oftentimes it is also how much we care about the day. If you are really celebrating Christmas, most probably you would find a way to be at home. Else, if you purposely chose to be outside and you are complaining of being alone and miserable, I have nothing to say.

Well not everything looks grim so far. I have seen my fair share of happy photos and status updates. Especially Christmas dinner photos. I will hopefully be able to upload the pile of chicken and lamb chops my family had for dinner later on or perhaps just leave it for tomorrow. A lot of people are having fun with their partners and friends right this moment partying somewhere. It is always good to party especially now with a solid reason but it is not a reason to do something you will regret the day after. Well somehow things cannot be avoided especially when you are drunk halfway to Tuesday but try at least be rational enough to not take pills.

However special days should have special moments as well. Memories created on special days are easier to be remembered and have a deeper impact. It will be talked about for days to come and it will most probably be immortalised in a Facebook album somewhere. It will be an easy anniversary date too. Days like this will serve to be a reminder of what is important, what you hope for in the future and what you have been doing must be correct. If it is possible though, why limit special moments to special days? Everyday is a new day and I do believe it has the same value as any other festival. This is how life should be interesting and in making the life of another special, I think you would find yourself to be smiling as well. Perhaps I have been under the influence of songs for too long but I think it is not a bad thing.

I think I already started rambling since my brain is rather numb now. My body is still feeling the pain from yesterday's exercise routine too. The Christmas fireworks can still be heard within the confines of the living room in the house. I do not regret or mind missing out on the sights and sounds since I already have made a choice. If some people do feel they are left out, remember this, you can't be everywhere everytime with everyone. A decision has to be made and might as well make the best out of it right? Living with an answer is always better with living blindly and blaming blindly. If you feel you were 'forced' to make the decision, try to reflect on it and learn. Or perhaps you never bothered to make one and you just kind of 'settled' for the default decision? I made that mistake before. Anyhow, I wish everyone have a memorable and awesome Christmas!!

First steps and me

And now concludes my birthday. There were no crazy parties, no pizzas, no alcohol and no cakes. There were not even friends. But this is not a sad thing to be. This is how I choose to spend my day. Furthermore I am honestly very grateful and happy to be receiving birthday wishes all day long. Kept me busy for a bit. The day is spent with my family, enjoying meals and having long discussions about the past, present and most importantly the future. What that was decided today will be used as a guideline for the year 2012. And hopefully, I am able to walk the path that I have chosen.

Among the actions taken to ensure I stay on track is sticking to my exercise routine. Yes, I went jogging on my birthday. Maybe I can add that too to my list of things that I did before 30. I am still working on the eating a raw egg challenge. First of all, I forgot that this is Ipoh. Males are expected to have short hair and buff body. When I took to the jogging track there were a lot of weird looks among the uncles and children. Perhaps I am a bit too sensitive but I never felt so uncomfortable while exercising near my rental room at KL. The nail to the coffin is when I overhead a child telling her dad to look at the 'girl' running so fast. As far as I know, there were only males within the immediate vicinity including me. The father was quick to correct her that the 'girl' is actually a 'boy'.

Well, that only brought back funny memories during university when there were more than a few instances that I was mistaken as a female. The rest of the day is rather mundane with only TV and chatting online. Well that is actually the whole point cause I came back to relax and to chill. I have no problems with my group of friends here but it is time to choose I guess. Their way of life does not resonate with me anymore. I cannot stay up until 4am to meet up and play games and supper and sleep till 2pm everyday. Not only is it dangerously unhealthy, oftentimes I have things to do on the next day too. I have always tried to modify my routine to go with them but if it is time I make a stand, what better day than now? Should I continue torturing myself for them? Perhaps not anymore.

Now I am sitting in my living room with the TV on, waiting for my brother's train to arrive while I finish this post. Most probably tomorrow the family will be running around Ipoh to shop and eat. Tomorrow will be most probably also be the day I trim my hair. As usual I will return with shoulder length hair. Thinking back, there wasn't any solid reason I choose to keep long hair. Most probably I just want to try having long hair and I wanted to build my own identity back at university. My direct senior had long hair too and maybe perhaps that gave me the bravery to try. He gave me the impression that by being capable enough and by earning enough respect, you can do anything. Like a boss. He is doing great now as a lawyer.

Majority of what I wanted to say has already been said in the post yesterday. Today is simply just a quiet and relaxing day. Guess I am acting my age now? Being a quarter century year old already. There is still much more to live but there is never anything wrong to start living as you like it whenever you can. Try thinking if the way you are living now is satisfactory and if you can do something about it? I don't think it will end pretty if you try too hard to fit in and sacrifice something else. Do something new, something kind, something special or something random. Like telling someone I like you. Things like that. That's it from me because it is about time I depart to the train station. Take care and enjoy Christmas Eve!!!

My birthday

As I sit alone in the living room back in Ipoh, the clock strikes 12 and I am now officially 25 years old. A quarter century year old. How far have I travelled? How much have I grown? Am I worth the 25 years given to me? I can only hope so. I can treat it as just another day in my life but it is a significant milestone nonetheless. Sounds kinda unreal that I am actually 25. Perhaps because there is nothing much to show for it. A lot of thoughts are flooding my brain and whatever I wish to type just comes out all messy now. My life is not mine alone nor is it supposed to be lived for others. However, I need to thank my parents for giving birth to me and bringing me up for most of my life so far. Even now, I still rely on them every now and then to seek advice or just to chat.

Instead of hanging with friends and partying I chose to stay at home to gather my thoughts. I feel more comfortable like this. I feel like my life just started recently since I started all those little projects. Since I started accomplishing things with my life. Now I must see to it that more of those projects are completed. That is the reason I am excited for the future I guess. Even though I am kinda late with learning how to live, at least it is better than never lived before. I do not even have an ounce of regret leaving my first job. I feel it is the best decision I made this year. If I stayed there, I would still be stuck in a cubicle, without a life outside the office, without lively colleagues that matter, without confidence and without a goal. The way I view it now, I wasn't even 'alive' then.

Now I learn how to enjoy and how to view things differently. How to take in everything that life has to offer and try not to miss out any obvious chances. I dare say I changed for the better throughout the past year. And it is a noteworthy achievement for myself and thus worth mentioning on this historic moment of my life. I need to continue accomplishing things so that my life is not wasted. I have wasted enough time to reach where I am now. By realizing the reality I am already 25, I cannot afford to be playful anymore. No more games. I should really be planning for the future, I should really set my priorities straight and I should really be getting a girlfriend soon. My own time left notwithstanding, there is also my parents and the people around me. Relationship issue aside, even if I can wait, the others maybe can't. As time passes by, the weight on my actions and decisions intensify.

I don't really have anything to say anymore. Perhaps just to ask what about you guys? How old are you? What did you feel when your 25th birthday came? Did you feel the same? How do you see your life now? How do you see your life in the future? Do you have any goals you want to accomplish? Do you know what you want to do? Perhaps my thoughts and opinions are influenced by recent happenings but at least I have an answer to all those questions. I am a full grown adult now. It is already expected that I mean what I say now. I am supposed to be a responsible and reliable person now. I am supposed to be strong enough to love, protect and respect now. Wow. Just wow. I will need more time to digest all this. That's it for now though it is rather short. Enjoy Friday!!

Korean-free post

I am sitting here blogging late at night and I still haven't packed my things for tomorrow. Though most of it is just throwing everything into the big black bag, I am afraid I may miss out something. The reason why I am still awake is because I just came back from an early birthday celebration with other colleagues not long ago. There were 3 of us with 2 being 23rd and another at 25th so might as well do it in one shot. All of us had fun and I practically destroyed all my dieting efforts for this week with 30 minutes worth of food and 2 hours worth of drinks. Me being in Ipoh until the next Thursday is only going to make things worst. Maybe I could sneak in some exercise at hometown but who am I kidding anyway?

Today few of my friends actually read my blogpost yesterday and it was fun knowing my social experiment worked. Putting an embarrassing title with korean words work wonders in attracting people. That is the problem with blogs. It is the place where I write down my personal opinions and feelings but also I want people to read it. Well I will need to practice being shameless since there is no telling when it will be useful. I also need to practice being brave enough to admit my feelings though usually it is kinda uncomfortable. Perhaps I treat a blog as a buffer for people to understand me better.

Maybe I should stop describing my Korean infatuation for a while. However, my head can't really think of anything interesting to talk about. Earlier a lot of my personal secrets and stories came gushing out as I find the crowd was the perfect place to talk about those and laugh about it. It has been quite some time since I had such a gathering. As you all know, I came here practically alone. I wasn't that close to anyone during university and those that I am close with either left the country or working in another state. Such is the weird fate that befalls me. Standard 1 to Standard 6 I have a core group of friends. When I reach form 1, we separated either to different schools or at least different classes. When I reach form 4, we separated further. It doesn't help that somehow almost everyone stays far away from me so hanging out was unheard of except for sports at school compound.

Furthermore more and more new people keep entering my life. It doesn't help that I try so hard to be friends with everyone. Most probably because I lost so many friends as well. At that time I think my weird temperament and attitude haven't matured yet so I don't think I offended them. Usually it is due to circumstances. When I reach form 6, there was also separation as student with good results usually jump straight to university or colleges. I stayed back for form 6 and girls were introduced which created all sorts of havoc. My first experience of love and despair happened at that period of my life. During my first year at university I was still quite a recluse and didn't talk or smile much according to some people. I only knew Dota. I blogged about this before but it was only through Dota I managed to scrape through.

During my secondary school days, I met another group of friends in the neighbourhood. That exact same group remained until this day even though some of us are working elsewhere. Well, we just happened to play the same games and co-operated well. After those games we introduced ourselves and went for yumcha session to discuss what transpired earlier. From that day onwards, it was something to look forward to and the cybercafe became our hangout. Perhaps they are always there and we spend a lot of time together that the friendship remained strong to stand the test of time. They were the only group that I actually share accomplishments with. Felt as though I went through a lot with them. Best part? We called each other our in-game nicknames for at least a year. One of them, I still don't know his entire real name.

I can really feel the passing of time as almost all of us are in the workforce and one of them actually got married and is expecting a baby soon. You can see the entire group in my photo album in Facebook where we wore all red. So the question of the day is how did you met your friends? Are they simply your friends because all of you went to school together? Think about it a bit and see if you remember. What is the most significant thing that the group did? If the question sounds like what old people would ask themselves I admit I am getting old. But never hurts to reflect and count your blessings. Maybe one day I will blog about my university life but for long time followers, perhaps it will serve as a trip down memory lane. It is already 1am and that's it from me. Take care and enjoy Thursday!

Feelings and me

First of all, I am still fine thankfully. There were no severe side-effects from yesterday's stunt of running in the rain for 3km except for muscle aches. Then today I was soaked once again as I came back from work and it rained heavily. It was either being wet or being slightly wet, late for dinner and facing a terrible traffic jam. Wonder how the weather will be tomorrow? Thanks to another video I watched earlier, I just got another weird idea of what to do next. Eating a raw egg straight from a hole in the shell in one gulp. Only this time the health risk is higher but seems easy enough. I bet among the things flashing in your thoughts include 'you should stop watching those stupid videos'.

Today was a rather routine day and so I decided to look into myself instead. I realize how I always say that I do not actively search for a relationship because I am not ready and other rubbish. So I asked myself, was there any other reason? Is it because I am too scared to commit? Too much of a coward to step out of my shell? It is a honest fact that I am not interested in anyone at the moment. But, what is wrong with knowing more people? I was wandering around Tropicana City Mall after dinner when I caught a glimpse of a pretty female window-shopping. I just grinned to myself and thought 'If we have fate, we will meet again'. Is that just a coward's excuse?

I know it is unrealistic to get to know each and every pretty girl you meet but things like fate is only a concept from humanity's point of view. It was never proven. What if that one glimpse is all that you will ever see of that person? And that person is actually the best partner you could ever hope to get? That kind of thinking is rather severe but it is always good to cherish every opportunity you get. Can I really step up to the plate when the time comes? Will I still be giving myself stupid excuses? And end up regretting alone in this crummy little room for the next 10 years? I do not think that someone is 'made' for you in this world all ready and waiting. We were fighting for something since we were born and I am sure we need to fight for love.

I can only hope I can deliver when it matters the most. Due to the recent korean idol boom, perhaps my personal expectations reached an impossible level. I wonder if girls are affected as much as I am. Do girls hope or expect that one day a guy will treat them like how they show it in those romantic comedy korean dramas? I dare say they are far more entertaining and emotional than western shows. To be honest here, I really do like those girls that I watch. Perhaps it is a vicious cycle that I set myself in. As I watch more facets of their personality through various shows, I grow more curious. And I search for more shows. Such is the case with celebrity crush I guess. Personally, I would prefer them married to reduce the attraction.

As I mentioned before, being passionate about something is not always a bad thing. Especially when it is not a negative or harmful subject. Plus, being passionate makes me feel very much alive and daily routine doesn't feel like a boring grind. This is something that I can indulge in easily and without risk. And because they are what I am aiming for, of course I will start inspecting myself and be more self-conscious. The previous statement is pretty conceited and shameless but that is something I need to admit sooner or later. I start to pursue various projects to improve my chances and in a way provides a steady stream of motivation to complete those projects. Hopefully by the end of all this, I gained as much as I hope for.

Recently my thoughts are constantly occupied with either my daily events or daydreaming so it feels like time passes by quickly. I think the most important part is that I feel a lot less moody now as I am constantly tickled by the things those idols do. I find myself laughing more. I can't really put it into words as I find myself deleting sentences more often for this post than previously. If feelings can be easily put into words though, I guess the world will be a better place. That's it from me, take care and enjoy Wednesday.

Health and me

My ideas draft is getting longer and longer since many different things happen to me daily and I need to take care of the length of my post. Sometimes I would just think about things as I walk back home from my daily trip to the coffee shop for dinner. One thing usually leads to another and I would have an entire essay based in my head. This may or may not be a good thing depending on how you view it. To be positive about it, my daily life is eventful. To be negative, I care too much about everything. Many people have told me that I take things too seriously and I over-think things which are actually very simple and direct. Well the thinking part I would like to say is a very severe natural defence mechanism my brain deployed to prevent me from getting hurt.

Today should have been just another routine day of exercising after work but I really wanted to test my fitness and especially my legs after the weekend rest. The one exciting thing about all this is that usually I can feel some improvement every week. However, I have been doing things for about 7-8 months now and it is odd if I only feel it now. So, it is either I was slacking a lot previously or it is just a psychological effect that I am experiencing. Anyway, as I was warming up, the weather is already looking rather grim and the wind is cool. I already told myself that I will not let the weather take this away from me. Just as I was leaving the house, it rained.

At first I was hesitating as I scrambled all my brain cells trying to weigh my choices while heading to the jogging track. It was only a very light drizzle then. It doesn't look like it is going to stop though. However, among the things that went through my mind is that one of my friends in Facebook wished that today is the end of the world. I don't really know or care what his problem is but it resonated with me. The reason why I am always trying to do as many things that I like as possible is I know how fragile a human life is. I know everything might just end abruptly one day. And I know if the world is ending today, I sure as hell will jog in the rain. So, I picked up my pace just as the brunt of the storm hits. I was soaked before my 1st lap was completed.

While running I thought this is stupid and wonder what will other people living close by think when they see this idiotic fellow with swishing wet hair running in circles. It was amusing to say the least and then another image flashed through my thoughts. One of the videos I watched yesterday depicted a girl's resolve and determination to do her best amidst her tears after calling her mum long distance. If she would do her best, why not me? I buried all doubts and press on as the weight of my wet shoes and clothes started to slow me down. By the time I complete my run, the rain has reduced to a drizzle once more. My legs are burning but I am not out of breath and I am sure as hell not sweating buckets either. I quickly took off my shoe and took my routine cool down round while slowly stretching my calves and toes.

I have to admit that I somehow enjoy getting wet in the rain but of course I try not to since there are various other issues to worry. Most probably I view it as therapeutic since I feel calm, relaxed and cool while being wet. And I believe that all of us sometimes like to act totally random and break out of the usual monotony of life. I may or may not do it again the next time it happens but there are no regrets since I didn't fall sick after the stunt. Furthermore I can chalk this up as another achievement towards completing a list of things I do before I am 30. I set it at 30 because usually we will be tied down with responsibilities and family by then. By the time I am free to do whatever I want again, I think I will be 60. Jogging in the rain will be suicide.

I am sorry if the post is rather boring as it focuses totally on what I did but I hope it will create some food for thought. Do you have a list of things to do before you are 30? Do you want to go see the world, learn a new sport, learn to dance, learn a new language? Are you willing to wait till 60 to do it or just leave it as a dream? If you are capable of doing it now, why hesitate? I don't expect anyone to follow me quitting a well-paying job to regain my life back but at least, spare some thought. We live only once, we are young only once. Love at 16 only happens at 16 as they say. I am sad to say I missed that chance but at least I am doing my best now. Love at 25 perhaps? I will take it anytime!!! Take care and have a wonderful Tuesday ahead.

Ugly jokes and me

I actually started this draft on a rather gloomy and depressed mood and was ready to go all sentimental and revisit the ghosts of the past. Thanks to a video, I feel refreshed now and ready to face the coming week. Such is the pros and cons of being a rather emotional unstable person I guess since I am affected by a lot of things, my mood swings rather quickly too. But, I will not avoid the topic of the day. Perhaps I will bring about a slightly positive twist to this post so that readers could actually finish the whole thing. Today, finally after quite some time, a person I know made a face joke. Yes, usually it is the 'look at the mirror' thing.

I wasn't really offended I guess but it just kinda starts my day with a bitter taste. The major reason why I do not like those jokes is because up to this very day, I think my first crush rejected me due to my physical appearance. At that time I was so depressed and I actually broke down completely. I got hit by high fever, almost got mistaken as dengue fever and lost a whole lot of weight. I think it was around 10kg. Life at that time seemed meaningless to me because well that is almost what every heart-broken youth feels. To me, my face is the one thing that I cannot change among many others. I realize that I am not handsome and to a certain extent I look hostile. When I make jokes, due to my previous cool image, it doesn't seem to match and people perceive me as 'weird'.

So a 'face joke' in a way is a direct assault at my existence so to speak. It is like insulting the height of someone. However, I do know that people generally grow up to accept things and does not throw a fit. I dare say I handle it okay because except for this blog post, no one knew I actually care. I understand it being in the context of a joke but then just that coincidentally it is among one of the first few things I read after I wake up. Communication with people generally have gotten more complicated since now we can drop a message or chat with people without being face to face. If I was pissed at something earlier, and someone just lay a joke at me, the possibility of me getting offended is rather high. Therefore I seldom land a hard joke unless it is face to face, it is someone I know very well or I don't really care about the feelings of the other party.

I would dare to make an assumption that any reader would suggest I am too sentimental or I have a temper problem. Perhaps to a certain extent I do. I am trying to fix that as much as possible. But sometimes it is hard to go on as I need to swallow my pride and be patient most of the time for nothing. There is no encouragement and people do not realize I am restraining myself for the sake of our friendship. This is who I am and I have long since accepted the possible fate that I will continue living mostly alone. Fairy tale endings are for fairy tales. Life so far has taught me what reality has to offer instead. But I am not going to give up either.

Day by day I work hard to present a better image of myself to avoid such a fate. Day by day I convince myself that perhaps today will be the day I meet someone that I will cherish for the rest of my life. There is nothing else I can do anyway. Furthermore I do gain health and a brighter outlook at life. Watching certain videos made me feel warm and hopeful. It reminds me clearly what is important and that what has happened so far is not worth getting depressed for. It is already what it is. But the simple motivation that one day my day will come is enough to make me asking for more. And if it is tomorrow, readers will be among the first to find out. Good night and sleep well.

Blog post title and faith

Apparently, my blog viewership changes according to how interesting the current blog post title is. Well I think that is only natural considering the title gives you an overview of that the post is all about. But I shouldn't lie to people in such a public domain just so I could feel pleased looking at the statistics table. This is a purely personal blog without monetizing ads. If I wanted to get paid for what I write, might as well write a novel or something judging by how good I am at dragging things out. Previously when I was still being emo and miserable, my blog posts are frequently about life, fate and all other abstract stuff. I question everything trying to find out why shit happens. A friend tried to get those posts into the university hostel magazine but it was shot down due to the contents being too sensitive.

History aside, I am here to confess that the Korean wave has completely taken over me. Perhaps I was holding it back too much previously and now all hell breaks loose as I open myself to whatever the entertainment industry in South Korea has to offer. Daily I find myself looking for entertaining clips of variety shows or awesome live performances of Korean idols. I pride myself in knowing the names of not only the arguably most popular girl group in Korea but also a lot of other performers. I try to always live without setting too many standards for myself to avoid limiting my own possibilities. Therefore I pay attention to the entire K-pop landscape and dammit now I am hooked. The things that they do are so entertaining and funny and most importantly it seems natural and unscripted. Like I mentioned before, if whatever they do in those variety shows are scripted, ALL of them should deserve an award.

It is a good thing to have something occupying my mind instead of all those negativity. Time seems to pass by easier, faster, and perhaps more meaningful to a certain extent. Thanks to the Korean influence, I can't help but envy those people and decided to ramp up my workout. So far I gained weight which I doubt is muscle though. I have also decided to try learning Korean next year by myself. It is always good to be constantly improving myself but most importantly is I need a reason or a strong enough motivation to actually make an effort. I see no harm to be driven by an innocent dream such as getting to know those celebrities but hopefully I will not be completely consumed by it. I still have my own life to live and people to answer to.

Having a target or a desire is what makes us grow. In pursuit of what we want instead of being completely satisfied with what we have is the driving force to do more and to go even further. There is nothing wrong with people deciding to just settle down and live out the rest of their lives peacefully. It is just that I personally do not agree with such way of thinking. Why do people simply stop fighting? Are they tired? Is there a strong enough reason to totally throw away the possibility of improving your life a bit more? It is because they are already happy now? Now I am going into forbidden territory. I know it is not my place to question 'god' but there are plans for everyone and wouldn't it be kinda sad if the 'plan' is to be mediocre? But most importantly is the person should be able to achieve happiness. Some people are rich and famous but never happy. However, if the reward for following the 'plan' is being blessed with fulfilment, that means we should accept our fate quietly. Anyway if I actually understood all this I would be a priest or something already.

There are still some items that I left out from today's post but I think the amount of personal and thought-provoking content is just nice. I wonder how much longer I can last? Blogging is still enjoyable for now but I will eventually run out of things to talk about I think. Oh yeah, revisiting what I mentioned yesterday, something awesome did happen today. Looks like I can never predict reality after all. Maybe if I keep on making negative assumptions of what is going to happen the next day I can enjoy my daily life. Hope you enjoy the read and enjoy Sunday!

Christmas and people

Hohoho, managed to finished everything early and since I don't really have much to do why not start my blog post then? There are just too many things to mention here so I will need to choose what to say as I do not want to overflow again. To start things off, the Christmas party at my company was a success! I believe everyone enjoyed the food and I don't think there were any prank gifts this time around. Nice to see that everyone really took the time and effort to choose a suitable gift for their respective recipient. I will have to change how I view my colleagues already but I still should keep my guard up just in case. I wish to thank the person that sent me the gift, it sure sweeten my day!!

However, my identity of my colleague's secret santa was exposed by one of the organisers much to my dismay. The best part is I wasn't aware that she knew and I still approached and asked about what she got as a gift. Imagine the embarrassment once I realized what has actually transpired. I guess there isn't actual harm in her finding out but I just didn't want to risk anything that will change the current existing friendship we share. I am okay with that distance. And I am awkward with gratitude and stuff so I tend to stay away. Many things happened in the past that made me feel like that. Furthermore, there is still the issue about how I chose the gift. In the end, referring to yesterday's post, I am still lying to people. I guess it takes time and much more effort on my part to change my personality for the better.

There is one weird thing that happened during the Christmas party. As I marched back to my temporary spot with the rest of my colleagues to eat, it naturally became 'the' spot to be so some other colleagues came over. Soon we were talking rubbish while enjoying our food. But then after that people start to leave to go grab more food or to join another group to chat. I remained with a group of girls there. Soon I noticed some male colleagues drop by and leave after something like a short greeting. It was weird but perhaps he thought he don't fit in with the group or something. However, from the look of things, I just became the bastard who positions himself in a group of girls and chat and laugh and be merry. I remember myself envying that position so many years ago. But what happened today was not intentional and I wasn't really aware of the situation till the party was over and I was back in my office. I think I progressed pretty far in my inter-personal skills.

At that point of time I only thought it was fun chatting with them and they were pretty supportive of my jokes so why not just stay? I am not the gossip type nor the politics type so I couldn't care less about going around to get recent news or something. If it was something important and would affect my work or my pay, I think there will be an official announcement and my other colleagues will be gracious enough to inform me about it. But the core reason would be my natural interest in making girls laugh and smile. Maybe I am attracted to public displays of joy and happiness. I enjoy looking at kids having fun at the playground when I go for jogging. Somehow it calms me down and brightens up my day. Laughter is infectious and a joke only gets funnier when someone shows a hyper reaction to it or adds their own touch to the joke. It helps improve relationships, release stress and a whole lot of other things. Of course there should always be restraint as well as respect in the jokes. To avoid that I usually use myself as the target since I do not want to offend anyone unless I am 100% clear they can take it.

Seems like I reached my quota for the day and I guess some stuff can wait for tomorrow. As much as I would hope that everyday is exciting with happy events, it is most definitely impossible. To all the girls out there, keep smiling and be happy. I think a lot of other males share my opinion that a girl looks the prettiest when she is smiling sweetly, shyly, or trying not to laugh. Why else would we bother to entertain you all the time and trying to come up with stupid jokes? We just want to see you smile and be happy again. Take care and have a great Saturday!! Fighting!!!

Work and delays

Finally I am able to start my blog post as I was still stuck with my work. There was an issue but I am sure none of you would be curious about it. Just leave it to tomorrow I guess. Anyway, I have to admit that this few days I am very very occupied with Korean songs as I discover more and more singers that are great performers. And I do not mean females only as some of the male ballads are really powerful and moving to an extent. If some of you K-pop fans out there would notice, most of the Original Soundtracks for Korean dramas are sang by male singers. Perhaps that is how their culture is. The males are always the soulful and brooding singers while females provide a more positive and cheerful image. Some people may view this as traditional or old-fashioned but some things are best left untouched. Questioning everything is good but it might not be worth the effort and sure as hell doesn't bother me.

After a short review by another writer of a different space, I do agree that all my blog posts are rather long winded. Therefore, I will try to keep things short and sweet as possible. Tomorrow is finally Friday and the Christmas Party for my company. There will be a gift-exchange session as well as a lot of food. Wonder what will I get as a gift? People say be thankful for whatever gift you receive and believe in the spirit of giving. I dare say I do select my gift for another colleague like I mean it but there are no guarantees for the rest of the company. I don't mind a cheap gift but a prank gift I will surely be pissed. If the gift is not going to be worthwhile to me, might as well not receive it because I will then need to tell a white lie and find a way to make it useful. I am just being honest here. I am extremely blunt to a fault and it has seldom been beneficial to me. The truth or the lie?

I was discussing with a friend today about hiding our own feelings especially negative ones and well that made me think a bit. Previously I also tend to hide my own feelings. Sometimes it is to be nice and not be rude while other times I guess just to not be so visible. But the hardest is when I need to hide my feelings in front of my crush so long ago. Perhaps some of the readers now are grinning too as my rather 'epic' story was documented clearly in this very blog before I decided to delete all entries of that year. So now I am pretty much against hiding our feelings as in the end we suffer the most. Hiding means there are bound to be misunderstandings as it usually involves lies. Meaning wearing masks and creating more distance among people. If what a person said or did offended me, I will try to inform as politely as possible. I cannot possibly hope people to understand me that well so I will need to tell them. If that is not a choice, then might as well I evade the person completely to avoid future issues.

As a personal experience, I was so good at hiding and perhaps could even be said 'shifting' my feelings I scared myself. Even I was aware how fake I have become. I could smile at the person I hate the most and I could be angry at the person I love the most. I could be very down and sad but will immediately change when people are asking for karaoke because I do not want to be left out. At one point, I started questioning do I even truly feel anything since I can change at the drop of a hat? Then I started questioning what is being happy and all that nonsense. That period of time truly was one of the worst I have experienced. And nobody was aware of that. I couldn't find anyone that I could trust or perhaps willing to understand things from my perspective. I was fully and truly alone in that I think.

Therefore, I hope that explains my reluctance in hiding feelings or telling white lies for convenience. At one point I was also questioning the things I said from memory because to truly make your words believable, I must believe it first. This is why people that tried to know me better also stayed away in the end. I can only blame myself I guess. But things will pick up. And I am trying my best to stop lying. I think I nailed being direct with my feelings and opinions already. Anyway, to end things on a happy note and to avoid being too long again, as usual, I wish to say take care and enjoy your day ahead! Fighting!!!

Distractions and fiction

Dammit everytime I open the blog I usually end up staring at it blankly thinking what to write when I already had topics in mind throughout the day. Perhaps that is why Tweeter is so popular as it is easy to access and you can just tweet your thoughts. Problem is, I don't own a smart phone yet. I will eventually own one since a part of my phone broke a few days ago. However, there is always the issue with chasing technology as well as the cost of buying a new phone. With the arrival of iPhone4S in Malaysia soon, all existing prices of smartphones will be revised I think. Well I think my current phone still has a few months of life left or perhaps more. I can't really predict the future. Maybe tomorrow it will slip out of my pocket during transit and just get destroyed. Seriously though I hope not.

Nowadays I started to post lyrics of translated korean songs as notes in my Facebook account. I find them to be very powerful and once combined with the music video that accompanies the song, it becomes twice as effective. Most people will feel strange to find that I actually enjoy listening to a song where I do not understand the meaning of the lyrics directly. However, I only search for songs with a nice tune and a nice singer. Apparently many others feel the same way as I do judging by the fan base the various Korean performers have here. Contrary to popular belief, Korean singers are not only limited to simple pop songs that repeat itself multiple times over an addictive tune. One of the strongest examples are those songs used in the various Korean dramas shown here. Furthermore somehow they are masters of the human heart as even though the drama storyline is predictable and corny, you can't help but relate to the storyline or characters.

Since I couldn't remember what I wanted to write after sitting here for 10 minutes, might as well continue where I left off yesterday. Nothing much I can add actually but I just feel that once I start everything will flow out naturally. Anyway, once more I want to stress that I would prefer to say 'you go girl!' instead of constantly saying 'aww, don't be sad'. Just a personal preference and I do not mean to offend any female here. Some are very capable but they just like to be pampered by their partner. Heck I am still addicted to see how those Korean idols act cute and other guests on stage start throwing things or making fun of them. It is very fun and interesting if you were to do it for an occasion but I may not be able to satisfy your needs to be pampered constantly. Somehow I managed to twist it into a 'it is not you, it is me' situation. I annoyed someone recently with my word twisting skills and perhaps I should change before I hurt anyone for real. It seems natural to me already. Speaks volumes about the kind of environment that I grew up in I think.

I find myself thinking a lot about how my future partner would feel about me and most importantly how to make her smile always. I bet those words made you cringe. I think it is a good thing that I manage to turn what I lack in life as a source of motivation to be better. People who are already attached, generally grow complacent and be lazy to take initiative or to improve since they are 'good enough'. I always think the reason I am not attached is because I am never good enough. Therefore constantly I find ways to improve myself, to prepare myself so to speak so that anyone that is so kind to give me a chance will like what they see. Some people have strong ego and will think why should I change for another person but have you ever think about the possibility that who you are right now is actually wrong? Why else would people actually take the effort to find fault with you especially when there are a few who share the same opinion? They care about you. As an example, keeping fit and slimming down is not only good to show that you are willing to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship but also to improve your health and personal appearance. The line between ego and plain stubborn is a thin one.

Some girls are open-minded enough to actually mean it when they say they do not mind appearances. I truly appreciate your kind gesture but I also understand your friends may not share your opinion. I do not need you to constantly defend me in front of your friends. I want you to be able to brag about me, to be proud of me and to be glad to have me around instead of being a burden to you. Holy shit this sounds like a love confession already. Perhaps I just want to exceed her expectations, to surprise her and to make her happy any way I could. Furthermore, it would help if I were presentable to your parents too. Dammit I just signed my hair's death warrant didn't I? Referring to what I said yesterday, it is the same thing about the guy paying for the girl. Some females simply shove it aside as male pride or ego but sometimes it is not as simple as that. I am already not a handsome guy and I do not have a lot of income so the least that I could and I should do is to keep fit and polish my attitude. I know I still have a lot more to do but I am trying my best so far.

I am sure most of you would just think what I say is a fake cry for attention and it is too idealistic. Of course it is idealistic because what I am prepared to do matches how high my expectations of her is. Do not wish unto others what you do not wish will befall you. If I expect people to behave in a certain way, I must meet that expectation myself. Anyway, I would be lying if I said I am not interested in a relationship but I am currently not actively searching for one. I still cannot accept myself to be good enough yet. I am just making sure that if she does pops up into my life in the future, I will be capable of making her happy for the rest of her life. Like I mentioned earlier, people grow complacent once they are satisfied. A non-platonic relationship has remained elusive to me all this while and trust my words when I say I will cherish it. To all those that cannot swallow the contents of this post, just think of it as bad fiction or something a corny Korean drama male lead will say. To everyone, take care and have a nice day ahead!

Preferences and opinions

I shook my head and laughed at myself as I finished watching yet another korean clip in youtube. No, I wasn't watching MVs but it is either live performances or those variety shows where the true nature of the idols are revealed. Even if it is not their true nature, they should be awarded with something for putting up the façade for god knows how many episodes and making me laugh most of the time. Thanks to the numerous hours spent, I am picking up on some of the more common words similar to how I learn some japanese words via anime. Perhaps I will choose either one language to learn for real even though my own mandarin is a mess. Apparently the korean language is designed so the wise could master it in less than 2 weeks while the commoner can do it in less than 2 months. Though perhaps those standards do not apply to me.

There is nothing interesting in the english or chinese scene. They don't really dive into the private lives of their idols that much. I dare say I have never seen an English variety show where famous actors/actresses fool around at the level of how koreans or chinese do. All I have seen are talk shows and SNL skits. Anyway, I just finished watching a series of korean videos detailing how some of the idols go about their daily routine at their university/college or how they prepare for their numerous performances. Yes, they do study and prepare for a future outside of entertainment and they also show their pre-debut or non make-up pictures proudly even though haters will still doubt their beauty. I am not really a supporter but it wouldn't be fair to those performers that really never go under the knife before. There are also a series of videos where the korean idols practically just yell what they cannot stand about each other and at one point they were even armed with pillows. It was very entertaining as some of the quirks are rather funny and somehow I don't think any feelings were really hurt.

Since we are already in the topic of idols I guess I might as well talk about what I am looking for in a female. If you were expecting me to describe heavenly beauty akin to the korean idols I talk about then you are a bit too quick to judge. All the 'real' girls that I was interested in are normal girl-next-door types. I don't usually go for physical appearance that much as it could be faked and it doesn't matter how pretty she is if I can't even stand how she talks. Lastly, I know the feelings of people who were judged not for who they are but how they look like because I was and I think I still am a part of them. First of all, I was 88kg at my peak of horizontal growth. I was round, greasy and sweaty most of the time. I had a stupid left-to-right swipe hair style. It wasn't surprising that girls stay away from me at that time. I can love and care for her deeply but there is no use if I was never given the chance to show what I am capable of. However, I do appreciate people who take care of their own body. That way, usually a female will have an attractive figure naturally and be fit and healthy which is always a plus point.

Body size aside, I was also born with a stoic face. Furthermore my upper lip muscles are not capable of curving into a smile naturally. What does emerge is those grinning idiotic show of teeth that doesn't mean anything. It was worst when I wasn't wearing my glasses since usually our eyes are a little bit bigger when we wear glasses. There was a time when a friend of mine actually approached me as I was daydreaming asking why do I look so angry. I didn't even know how to react to that statement. That wasn't the first and last time I assure you. I dare say I am usually a chatty person but it is just that I don't mix well with strangers. Therefore, in terms of facial appearance I would appreciate if I could see how a girl will look naturally. I can't exactly expect her to don her make-up 24 hours of the day and well, sometimes you just can't really explain the attraction. I don't need a flawless beauty but preferably without serious disfigurement.

Personality-wise, I would expect someone to be at least or much more mature than I am. I always try to improve myself though my temper usually gets into the way of people trying to tell me politely. Once more, I wish to apologize to those who tried and thank you. Anyway, a mature partner would mean better judgement, mutual respect, better communication and overall a better future for the both of us. I dare say I do not want to mess around anymore. At this age, any relationship I get into should already be those I am ready to commit and I hope my future partner feels the same. But it is not like I do not appreciate people being silly or acting cute, but not to the extent of being annoying or air-headed. Occasionally blur is alright and maybe it is fun but being blur all the time is a burden to the both of us. Now the issue of being clingy depends on personal preference and of course I don't appreciate her checking up on me every hour or questioning wherever I go. You don't need to do that to make me pay attention. Play your cards correctly and I WILL be fighting for your attention instead. I like females that are confident and am not afraid to show it without being obnoxious. Stubborn ones or those that like to win without logic I would like to avoid.

With all those said, I also have standards for myself to match my requirements. Furthermore, I have already accepted that the possibility of me ending up alone till many years later is quite high. Chances that pass by only once, you can only pray there will be another one in another form in another situation. I was not prepared then, perhaps I am more prepared now. But financially, sorry girls, I can't afford you yet. To those graceful enough to say that you can pick up the tab by yourself without a problem, thank you but as a man or at least as a male, I would hope I could at least be capable of bringing you out on a date. As you may or may not know, I am currently pursuing a fit and healthy body to at least be more presentable and attractive. A guy in suit can also be a girl's best accessory. Attitude-wise, hopefully it is a constant improvement in terms of temper control and general inter-personal behaviour as well as maturity in thinking.

In conclusion, to me, the core thing that makes a girl attractive is that she is special in her own way. The main reason why I am so attracted to those korean idols is that they can be performing in a very professional manner but they also show me that they are also human. They break down my personal perception of how idols should be and that pulls my attention while making them memorable. Leaving a deep impression so to speak which in turn makes me curious to find more details about them. They play, they joke, they do stupid things and they appear to be very down-to-earth outside the stage. They look like they are very fun to spend time with and I really do want to know them better. That only serves to make them even more attractive over their physical appearance.

Shopping and chores

I was planning to start writing this post before 12 but thanks to the various distractions available on the net, it is next to impossible. I am quite tired today but luckily I decided against playing any games that require intense concentration and so I feel better now compared to yesterday. However my body is once again damaged as I was too stubborn to admit that I am not in form to repeat Friday's workout. I don't mean suffering from a sprained ankle or any visible physical injury but more towards overall bodily functions as I am sure I overdid it and I will suffer tomorrow. At least I enjoyed the shower, the meal and I can't wait to lie down on my bed to rest my tired body. Those are some of the more immediate effects of a thorough workout that I enjoy. Even though it is pretty much impossible to gain a 6-pack in the near future, I am constantly working towards it and even if I fail, I still manage to boost my health and fitness. Having a fit body is part of my list of things to do before I am 30. Previously I wasn't able to focus much on this as my first job requires me to go home rather late and I do not want to spend my money at the gym. Anyway I am not looking to be the next Chris Hemsworth as I see bulging biceps as kinda ugly so I think outdoor exercise is as good as it gets.

I will stop with my trips down memory lane and there are no 'requests' from the few readers I have so I might as well blog about what happened today. First of all, it was a holiday for me as my company's HQ is located in Selangor and it is the Sultan of Selangor's birthday. Some of my friends have to go work and it is almost irresistible to go tease them about it on Facebook. My housemate however is departing to Australia to attend his brother's graduation ceremony. For the duration of this week, I will be without a partner in Call Of Duty games and without the planner for yumcha as it usually involves him and his fun-loving colleagues. Well, life goes on and I will have to make do without the usual night activities. When his brother comes home though, there will be hell once more at the local cybercafe as the 3 nightmare patrons will once again create chaos. Usually we are just being loud and hysterical but people did complain about us once in a different cybercafe.

After a brief farewell, I start my day properly as lunch time approaches. Even though I finished my grocery shopping yesterday, I actually have other things to buy at Tropicana City Mall and so I start things off with economy rice lunch. The place was freaking packed but luckily I managed to share a table with an elderly uncle who was enjoying his curry mee. As we are eating, another uncle came and asked for a seat as well. I finished my meal and made my exit while feeling that it was cool when everyone is civilized. Once I reached my destination, I decided to have a look around before I make a purchase just to check things out. Among the things that I need to buy is a Christmas present for the company celebration this coming Friday, a replacement headset and also apples as part of my new diet plan. Without wasting time I head to gift shops to survey the current promotions and prices. To my surprise, Christmas cards are really really expensive nowadays. But it would be awesome to actually get a card just like the old days.

Now it is time for me to be honest. My Christmas present is meant for a female colleague which was determined via lucky draw. Can't say that I am very lucky but it would be an insult if I said otherwise. However I find myself thinking what I will buy if it was meant for the girl I admire. No, I am not interested in any girl within my social circle right now but it is about the celebrity crush that I am currently experiencing. Anyway I will just put '' whenever I mention her. I think it is not wrong to pick a nice gift and think about it thoroughly like you mean it. Don't worry about misunderstandings and relationship issues as I already had plenty of experience in those. I will be skipping jewellery or anything that even smells interesting. As I browsed through the choices, I keep on thinking how 'she' would react to it. Once I made the choice, thoughts of 'her' never really subsided. Sure it sounds creepy but I just view it as harmless entertainment for the single guy. It helps to have something to like right?

Satisfied with my purchase, I double-checked the contents and walked over to the IT store. I found my old headsets but decided against buying the same product again. Time to try something new. This time I bought those ear plug-in headsets which cost a bit more but I wanted to see for myself if it is really different from common headsets. Once done, I take one last gaze around before heading over to the exit. It is not until I am halfway back home that I realized I forgot the apples. There is no way I will be walking all the way back to Tropicana so I just wanted to try out my new headphones as soon as possible. It took quite some time to tinker with the sound settings which is kinda weird but in the end I managed to make them perform nicely. Even now they are snugly fit in my ears as I enjoy my songs in a different setting. I wouldn't say it is very very good but it is something different to me. Playing games with them on is quite awesome too but it would be unfair to my old headsets as I never really compare them side by side.

The evening passed by quickly as I go about my usual exercise routine. As I return to my room feeling exhausted I quickly prepared water laced with Oral Rehydration Salt to prevent my condition from deteriorating further. Functions about the same way as 100 plus only it is cheaper and without the fizz. I took my time to take a short bath and rest up before I eventually move out to have my dinner. At the coffeeshop, I managed to witness a guy whose car is only partially blocked by another car got so frustrated that he called the police to handle it. All the patrons were standing up and staring while most of them whispered saying that the car wasn't really blocked at all. I agree with the patrons. Sometimes we do all kinds of unexplainable things when we can't think properly. Calling the cops for something like this? I am surprised they didn't slam the dude for abusing the taxpayers' money. I went to have a walk to the cybercafe before it was resolved. In the end, apparently the dude managed to get out and there were 3 police car units dispatched there. I can only grin to myself as I walk back home sighing.

And thus that concludes my day. I feel like I managed to accomplish many things today but there are always many more things to do. Finishing up chores is actually quite fulfilling and well they need to be done eventually. We should all try our best to avoid procrastinating though I am a pretty big hypocrite on this. It is 1 AM now and not only will my body suffer, my brain will be numb tomorrow too. I blame my brand new headphones, Facebook, Youtube and MSN Messenger. This is it from me and have a nice day tomorrow!

Sundays and me

Today was a really relaxing day as I spend most of it trying to just chill and recuperate from the hectic life that I live in KL. Compared to Ipoh, life in KL is always busy and happening. Previously, I use to laze around and simply surf the net randomly and take lots of afternoon naps. Anyway, the usual morning routine with my housemate didn't change a bit as we woke up early, ate breakfast and head towards the cybercafe. Well, we don't really have much to do in the mornings especially with the TV being occupied and all the malls barely open. Personally, I won't use my weekend for exercise if I could help it. It was another blistering 3 hour Call of Duty session but the performance today is rather lacking compared with yesterday. It was fun nonetheless and similar to my previous experience I am starting to feel bored of it already. The 'too much too soon' syndrome is starting to make me feel the game is repetitive and most of all pointless. I can't make a living out of it and people do not generally care about how good I am at pointing and clicking compared with how much I earn. Time to find something much more meaningful to do.

I think this time I will finish up my memory trip first before continuing with my daily rant. Maybe because I have much more to say today. Anyway I was called for the interview at The Star as a web developer. It is one of my targeted jobs and so I actually declined another offer I had in hand and went for the interview. Most of the employers I meet requires me to answer very quickly so I can't really hold them off for too long. But at that time I am still able to hold the highest paying job offer I got as a backup. I don't really like to work as part marketing and part developer though. As I step into the office I was told to wait as the higher ups are still in a meeting. I think I waited for almost an hour before I was eventually called in. I still remember being extra cautious about my behaviour while I was waiting and my speech pattern when dealing with HR staff. As expected, there was an aptitude test which I eventually failed. I have close to zero web development experience.

However, they were still curious about me and thus I tried my best to sell myself. In my opinion I also failed in that aspect. At that point in time I was flustered and pretty stressed out. I still remember myself telling them to try me out as I am confident I could pick things up quickly and if they are not satisfied, fire me during probation. Finally, what seemed like an eternity ended and I left the office in a hurry. Somehow I felt pretty bad, angry and hateful. Maybe I was disappointed with myself and looking for excuses. I was already prepared to lose the job as I was very very emotionally disturbed. To my surprise, I was given the green light. Even then I hesitated as I remembered the so-called 'thrashing' I received during the interview. It was humiliating at least to myself. Furthermore I was very afraid that this new job will end up like my first job. In the end, I accepted the job and officially started working on the 4th of April 2011 until now. I can't comment much since this is a public blog and the situation is pretty similar to my previous company but I can say things have been good so far.

Coming back to the present, I won't bore you with other historical accounts of my life many months ago but rather something worst I might say. You have been warned. As you all are aware, Christmas is approaching and everywhere there are sales and even people singing Christmas Carols. When I went to Tropicana City Mall for my grocery shopping trip, I managed to slow down and gather all that I could see around me. Families were going around with the energetic children running all over the place, couples walking around admiring the decorations and giggling, groups of friends having a loud reunion at restaurants and single people just simply walking around or watching the choir singing. This wasn't part of a movie. This is real and I could really say this is life. I simply stopped and admire what I see for a while before proceeding to the hypermarket. All of us are here for a reason. All of us are how we are now due to a reason. Even though all our reasons may not be the same, we are still gathered at somewhere. I feel alive.

The usual routine at the hypermarket involves me diving into the biscuits section to get my post-lunch office snacks. Next would be the dairy section as I grab some chocolate milk. After that I walk around randomly to see if I should get anything else to nibble on. I forgot to mention that I always go shopping with my own bag. I won't say I am a nature conscious person but I am so used to shopping on Saturday that I bring it along as a habit. With everything in the bag, I head over to the express counter. I wasn't really looking but apparently the lady in front of me wasn't some old aunty as I would expect. Usually I am more curious about what people buy as it might remind me of something that I wanted to buy. When her turn came, she fumbled a bit as she put her stuff on the counter and then she kept on glancing back. I am seriously not imagining this nor am I self-conscious and I was actually thinking if the lady know me or something. Maybe she was waiting for her friend? Do I look intimidating? She don't look half bad either. Nevertheless my turn came and I briefly settled my stuff.

Now, the paragraph above may seem like a pointless recollection but it is due to random events like this which provides me the fuel to see tomorrow. To see what else could happen. As I am a person with many wants, life becomes more interesting somehow. I might make a new friend. I might meet my future wife. I might meet an old friend. I might learn something new and useful. As I passed through the lobby of Tropicana once again and revisiting the sight and sounds, I could see clearly there are still many more things I have yet to experience. Many more good things that life could offer. Of course there is also the dark side of life, but at the time when you are only exposed to the joy of other people living their life, that is the only thing you will see. Therefore, to conclude this blog post, when you feel down, depressed or lost, please go out and have a walk. We have the bad habit of brooding over things and listening to emotional songs related to your current situation does not make things any better. Tomorrow is Monday and it is about time I test out if my legs have recovered and improved. Another thing to look forward to~ Fighting!!!

N00bs and jobs

Finally the long weekend is here and what an awesome day it has been. Even though my body hurts and I feel a bit woozy but everything is fine. On second thought, my wallet is getting dangerously thin now. Anyway, I guess I pushed myself too far yesterday during a jogging session as my whole body feels kinda numb. I was feeling pretty down throughout the whole week and it was finally my chance to let it all out. Too bad I can't scream all the way while running around the track. I was cursing under my breath though. Don't ask me why but it works. I was also motivated by my own desire to look better and to improve my image. Furthermore I am also suffering from celebrity crush and this only feeds my dislike for my current fitness level. I do not have the resources for the best diet or even a gym so I need to do my best whenever possible. Hopefully my body doesn't break down.

This morning I woke up quite early and proceeded to head over to the cybercafe after breakfast for a round of Call Of Duty fun. Okay, a round is an understatement. I spent more than 3 hours there. A lack of sleep plus long hours of intense concentration tends to screw your brain a bit and I was visibly disoriented by lunch time. I think I was mumbling to my friends. Luckily we win most of the games with some of it in my favor as the MVP of the match. We were thrash-talking other players that came back with witty remarks after I typed 'GG' at the end of the matches. 'GG' is actually gamer slang for 'good game', sort of like the handshake after a badminton match. But it might be interpreted differently by other people as an arrogant declaration of victory. The power of being anonymous and getting away with whatever you say is indeed intoxicating. It feels better when the witty dudes finally shut up after continuous pummelling. Nowadays I am just trying to spread fear of the generic name 'abc123'. Addictive as it may be, I should be aware of how much time and money I spend.

Now for a short story of how I ended up at JustJobs, my current company. It was December 2010 and as I mentioned before I was contemplating if I should jump. After a long period of hesitation and dilly-dallying I finally made my decision and planned out how I should execute my resignation. I will only take the year end bonus and skip the March bonus. This is largely due to the additional 2 months notice before I could leave the company. If I only quit after March, I will most likely end up in a new company around June. Previously, I joined my first company on the first week of July and ended up losing both the annual bonus and increment for my first year. With the letter in hand, I requested for a short discussion with my manager to disclose my decision without making a scene. I think he was shocked and frustrated when he saw my letter as our team is already suffering from a lack of human resources.

I will skip the gritty details as some of my former colleagues still have access to this blog. My manager was trying to talk things out with me and he even came out with a counter-offer which doesn't happen to everybody. However, my decision is already final as there is no point continuing to work after this. I will be a bleeping beacon in their radar for the rest of the year if I decided to take the counter-offer. The funny thing is that I haven't started to look for a job when I resigned. You can call me naive but I consider myself lucky that things somehow clicked and here I am with a job. The remaining 2 months that I work there is rather carefree though the team relationship is strained. I started applying for jobs outside of my comfort zone. Perhaps I am just sick and tired of working in a MNC company and migrating old systems to new coding standards. Hence I realized the gravity of my situation - potential employers will view me as a jobseeker with zero working experience.

I applied for game developer, web developer, multimedia and also system developer as a backup. I was feeling pretty good as most of the positions that involve coding to some extent provided me with an offer but it was lower than what I used to earn. I didn't get the multimedia offer though. I press on thinking that the new job should at least match my current pay. The job search period extended for almost another month after my final day at my previous company. I was basically burning my savings. At that time I told myself that I really need to get a job by April or my economical planning will be thoroughly screwed. Well there isn't really any real planning but at least there is a savings target to be met. While holding a few job offers, my mum persuaded me to try applying for The Star as she saw an ad and The Star is actually quite a big company. I couldn't think of any possible harm and to my surprise I was called for an interview just as I wanted to say yes to one of the offers.

This blog post has gone long enough and I guess I will continue tomorrow. If any readers would like me to blog about something else in my life, please drop a comment. I understand that some of the things I write is boring but I do want to revisit various aspects of my life in the past year. I want to improve the viewership of my blog but since it is a rather personal one, I don't think random people will be interested in the daily routine of a typical youth working in KL. Maybe visitors can treat it as a story that gets updated daily. Anyway, that's it for tonight and enjoy Sunday everyone.

Little bit of progress

Thinking bout the title took me a good 10 minutes. I should just revert back to dates as the title. If I really do blog 365 days a year, I need 365 titles which is almost impossible to be unique. Before I continue with the TeenFest story, my daily update takes precedence. Finally, my phone is broken. The RM1000+ phone which I bought using both my own and my parents' money is faulty. It could still be used but a replacement is a matter of time. I have a lot of time but I do not have the money to change it. Anyway, today is Friday and earlier during dinner time I caught a glimpse of my 'objective'. Contrary to popular belief, I am not referring to a girl but my short-term destination. It is a dude that rides a superbike with a nice girl friend. I used to hope I can achieve that in a few years. Things changed for me and I guess things changed for him too. He rides around in a car now. I will stop myself from making stupid assumptions but that just shows circumstances are not in our control.

Back to Midvalley, it was finally day 2. With breakfast in my stomach, I look forward to another good day at TeenFest as I reach the destination. This time some of the colleagues switched out as not all are willing to work on a Sunday. I don't really have a problem with it especially now when I look back, I don't think I will head to PC Fair either due to sheer laziness. The morning started rather slowly as the customers trickle in. I didn't mention it before but our booth is not exactly at the path of the visitors heading towards the exit. That explains why usually the customers are close to 80% staff from other booths nearby. The SMM stage roars occasionally as I wonder what took place. I did manage to round the place once more but I couldn't spot the singaporean team. Looking at the tournament group board, they were knocked out. I hope they will recover from it ever stronger. I don't really care about how the local teams fare though. However, I finally saw where my friends are working at and they look absolutely amazing in their uniform. Pleased with the sweet sight, I head back to engage my colleagues in conversation to pass time.

Things eventually pick up during late afternoon when representatives of a certain political party came by for a visit. This is my first time being so near to not one but a few politicians. The media and my colleagues took numerous pictures as the politicians ask about the job personality card game. I was only thankful it wasn't me doing the explanation but a senior colleague. It wasn't long before they head towards the other booths. Later they gave a speech and that was about it. Thanks to that, our booth received a sudden boost in interest and a bit more traffic passed by. That means I need to utilize all my conversation skills gleaned from hours and hours of chatting in my life so far. The art of '吹水' (blowing water) if you will. I think it might be a good idea to add in some local slang just to spice up the blog posts. Anyway it felt great when my skills are noticed by my colleagues. Though they joke about it but it was all good fun. Good reputation is always welcomed.

Nothing much really happened after that. There was a lucky draw for an iPad 2 but nobody from my company managed to get it. Me and the remaining colleague were bored halfway close to falling asleep. I was actually reeling from 2 days worth of expensive food though. In the end, we decided to pack things up a bit early as most of the other booths are already empty after the lucky draw. Before we left, we decided to take another run through TeenFest and casually enjoy the sights. I saw my friends again at their booth but I don't think they even noticed me as they are quite busy. And that concludes a rough summary of my 2 days there. Sounds boring but like I mentioned in an earlier post, it wasn't a complete loss. It was a new experience for me to see the SMM tournament with my own eyes. If I am required to work next year, I might just go again.

Last year, even though I was working in a gaming booth and we had booth babes and all, it wasn't the confident 2011 version of me. I didn't really have a solid conversation with any of them. This year I have female colleagues and we went berserk talking crap. Recognizing my own growth isn't a bad thing at all. Today's post don't really have much space for my philosophy crap so I will refrain from touching those. For those asking for pictures, I am sorry but if I insert pictures, my posts are going to take 2 pages to load. Maybe when I have fewer things to say. Oh yeah, one last thing, currently I am working at JustJobs, a subsidiary of The Star Publications. Perhaps I will talk about my job transition period tomorrow. Until then, take care and enjoy your Saturday.