Magnificent May

Wonder if I can come up with adjectives for each month. May has been a very eventful month for me. And I guess if you have been reading the new in Malaysia, for everyone as well. But that is not what I want to talk about. First of all, I am here to offer my sincerest apologies. I have failed a good friend of mine. It is with great regret that I could not attend your wedding. I have thoughts of having a toast with you, as you march forward into the next phase of your life. I would have liked to catch up with friends and enjoy a hearty meal. However, it is simply not meant to be. I have vowed to always try not to miss any once in a lifetime event and thus, I have failed myself as well. For the first time, I can say with a stern voice, I did not miss it just because I want to skip on red packet money. I hope you understand at least that.

Anyway without further ado, a picture of my current physical appearance.

As you can see I have gained significant mass on my upper body but my stomach is getting flabby as well. The bulk up formula I devised myself is working too well I suppose. Tomorrow onwards I will make some changes to my current routine but not my diet. Seems like introducing more carbs is the right way to go. My daily cost of eating has almost doubled if you compare with last year. Of course I do not simply throw everything into my mouth and that explains the increase in cost, as I try to get good food. I still have much to fix in my diet. If I am to get my increment, I need to buy a new pair of shoes, workout gloves and a toss up between multivitamins and protein powder. Though for overall gains, I would say multivitamins are a better bet.

In regards to my increment, I have receive no news. It is kind of disappointing but at least there is no announcement about increment being cancelled for this year. At least not yet. But the delay is close to unbearable. Honestly I have been seriously considering my options for quite some time. Furthermore, I received news about more and more colleagues leaving the company. I guess the situation of the company is painfully obvious to everyone. Not only that, it is only logical that we will have severe hardship in recruiting new employees as well. It is rather interesting to discuss about what may happen. If no increment, things will only for further downhill. But an increment will put a lot of strain into company resources.

This month also marks another financial breakdown on my part. I have seriously lost it. I started buying stuff as I cannot torture myself any longer. The daily routine is not doing any good in easing the pain so I have to take severe measures. Of course some stuff is long overdue but it is not necessary to spend so much on it. I think it will not come back to haunt me since I have that much spare margin in my savings but this is not the proper way of living. A few more months of this insanity and I will burn everything. As I may have mentioned before I stopped saving since a few months back. I am very uncomfortable with this but I want to try living without such a heavy financial burden on my back. Perhaps it is too liberating. Anyhow this post has gone on long enough. Hope good fortune will find you in the coming month. Live long and prosper.

Light and Dark

Just came back from a friend's wedding. It was really different from all the other weddings I have attended so far. Don't misunderstand, I mean it in a good way. I have never met the bride before but after attending the wedding I can understand why my friend chose her. He has always been a passively playful person and I guess his wife serves as his extension as she is really outgoing and fun. He acts as her anchor as well. I guess this is what they say that opposites attract. However, how come I only see positive people as really annoying most of the time? Maybe this is not something one can easily understand.

It was fun catching up to people after more than 5 years apart. Besides feeling old, some of our appearances changed drastically so there is no lack of topics to chat about. It was very pleasant. The food was great too. It is too bad that this is what it takes to have a gathering after so many years. Transport issues have always plagued me. Previously during university life, it was monetary issues. Seems like even problems evolve following your stages in life. If this is the shit I have to handle, somehow I dread growing up.

It was tough for me to journey all the way to the wedding reception via public transport and having to walk the rest of the way. I forgot to bring a map I drew and my phone is of no use since it is not a smart phone. Then it rained. Luckily I brought along an umbrella. But I was hopelessly drenched in sweat. It was kinda unpleasant. When I reached, I was very self-conscious. It would have been easier if I had a car or a phone with GPS. Or at least enough money to simply splurge on a taxi. This is not something I can blame on a small social circle since it can be easily solved by me alone.

And yet there are people all over the world with everything they will ever need except the 'need' for the things. I will not blame it on my birth circumstances but simply on how hard work is not all it takes to live a good life. You can be the smartest, the most athletic or the perfect human and it will not mean a thing if you do not get a chance to use it where it counts. As much as a chance is created by effort, it is also contributed by the people around you. I understand why people say 'I am glad I am born in this era'.

Why does this happen? Is this punishment? Karma? Can I know what was my crime then? Otherwise what is stopping me from doing it again? This is not punishment. Punishment is to make someone repent for breaking the rules or the law. This is just torture. Good and bad is simply a moral compass developed by humanity to prevent civilization from imploding. Maybe reality do not work around those two parameters. Watching all those thought provoking anime is actually makings things worst. I continue to question. Things would have been easier if I was ignorant. But that is arguable since everything will be different then.