The pain got better

It has been a while since my last post. Many things happened. In fact things happen on a daily basis but I stopped blogging daily in order to avoid dwelling on too many things. It is a bittersweet relationship with my blog. It is my best friend who listens to everything I say but it is also one that does not reply. The good, the bad, the things I regret, the things I cherish. There is no one in this world that knows everything except myself. You cannot blame me for feeling so lonely most of the time. But I am not sure if anyone can possibly take in all of me. I admit I am not so likeable at times. At least nobody ever complimented me for being friendly.

Anyway, yesterday marks my third completed full marathon and I broke my personal record by over 20 minutes which is great. I entered the run hoping that I will improve but I did not set a goal time because a new course is always unpredictable. Furthermore it was only my third marathon, so I just wanted to leave some space for me to enjoy the race instead. Many things could go wrong like a bad cramp, an upset stomach, or worst, a leg injury. It was pretty sad to see runners who have to walk towards the end due to cramps. They were stretching beside the road with a very disappointed expression. Imagine yourself preparing for a few months only to end up missing your goal due to a cramp.

The soreness the day after is not that bad either so I suppose it is a good sign that my body is getting stronger and fitter. My left knee still hurts but it subsided after a nights rest and sitting at the office whole day. Most likely I can resume my training soon. How can I sit still knowing that I am still far from the realm of the gods? I told myself during the run that one day I shall be the one looking back at the crowd instead of me staring in amazement at the speed and determination of faster runners. Or perhaps I am more curious as to how it is like to be able to run that fast? Some things are not worth doing if you are not going to do it right. I take the saying to heart and I seldom participate in sports or events unless I am willing to venture everything and try my best. Some people get intimidated, but I think this is a good way to live for now.

I am actually quite blessed to have so much freedom to indulge in things. On the other hand, basically it means I have no life, like what someone said to me not too long ago. I still relive the conversation and the conclusion is painful but correct. I do not have an active social life at all. I have nothing beyond running or going to gym. But since I have nothing, at least I am not doing nothing or spending time in stuff that are generally not useful like games. I still play computer games to have some fun but that is generally during the weekends. No, I do not go out. And I do not have a car either. I am poor, bite me. I hope amidst this 'lifelessness' period of mine that I shall find a life. In the meantime, I will just do my best. Maybe, running will be my life.

I made new friends, I get to visit some interesting locales and I get to be healthier. And I can only see that in the near future I will make more friends and visit more places. After all, I did book a flight to Hong Kong next year which I wouldn't go otherwise. It will most definitely be a memorable experience. A year ago I could not even imagine myself running 42km. Now, I am running the distance in less than 5 hours. Perhaps in the future I will be able to run faster or further. There is now a goal, or at least something to work towards. Even though it is lonely, I can fill the void for now. For now, the pain got better.