22/1/2008

Hmhmhm...tuesday liao...tis week hopefully will b an eventful one...got PAP dinner nia...finally i could go eat de~~...n then there iz a dota competition tis coming weekend...hahah i m not playing nia..soli to disappoint if i did...i will be there to support my former teammates though...all of them asking why didnt i form a team of my own? hm....not tat i dun wan but the players here r still kinda green...tatz my opinion lah...i will b bringing them directly to b slaughtered juz for me to play?? dun wan loh...passed up the first part of my full sem project...then presented a research assignment...n went to robotics lab...seems like i done a lot nia...i do feel kinda glad...at least for the rest of tis week...next week second part of the project de loh...itz still early now...n i dun really feel like going supper alone...but dun really feel like eating biscuits in my room either...haihz...i think it wouldnt hurt to skip supper once or twice...my gastric problem iz getting more serious...earlier i imagined an argument wif sum ppl i know...hahaha i always do tis dunno why...for u all who didnt read my original Friendster blog b4...i hav mentioned a lot of times...my brain dun really shut down...always thinking all the possibilities...i dun focus on negative parts onli lah hahaha...anyhow i think it iz a valid point if i say i m suffering like tis..er...gastrically bcoz of the ppl here...i nvr had any problems wif gastric b4 i came here..then wen i m in UKM de, i dun hav transport...it was hell...waiting for ppl to dapao for me n stuff...if seniors or ppl wif transport dun go out to eat...i hav nothing much to eat de...the amount of food i eat decreased significantly...last sem even wif motor it didnt improve much...everyone eats their meal late...sumtimes wen say go out for dinner oso hav to wait they set up transport, borrow helmet, wait sum guy or girl...i will b starving like mad...n misunderstandings happen most of the time juz like tat...i cant think rationally wen i m hungry...now itz too late to do anything for my gastric system de...i developed a rather serious one as i generate gas...meaning the opposing effect of being full...wen u eat a lot...u burp or fart rite? wen i get hungry...i do tat instead...after asking around itz a rather serious condition as the body iz going in reverse...well wat to do...the shit tat i do for everyone...hahaha...not tat it matters now...my voice will nvr reach them...itz been a week de...no one really contacted me...i guess tatz the extent of our frenship eh guys?? however...thanx for all the memorable moments nia...even though it might not b sincere, or it might not b everlasting...it was fun..hehehe...

18/1/2008

Believe that i believe in you as much as i believe that u believe in me...and with all that, believe in yourself.

An anime taught me that. When the character died, i too was sad along with the rest of the characters in the anime. I was looking for inspiration in him as much as them. But, how come people like him only exists in anime? Only anime show me what motivation, self-confidence, trust or friendship can achieve. Is there no more real life stories? Not many people give me inspiration. Bah, never mind.

13/1/2008

Finally the weekends gona b over..n i came to sum private conclusions...important ones...ones tat r positive n m glad tat i could realize it early...life iz not meant to b thrown away..after almost crashing my motor down the ground another time...n receiving sum valuable advice...advice tat actually got through my thick skull...i was lucky tis time...coz i understood how my motor will react if i brake suddenly..so i separated the braking juz in time to negotiate the corner...i shouldnt hav been speeding anyway...i tot it was juz for fun...hahaha...the scars from the past saved the present me...came back to the room...heartbeat still a bit fast...then go take bath n sat down in front of the laptop reading a manga...a manga regarding a doctor n how he helps his patients without regard towards his superiors or the administration...the chapter follows the story of an old woman suffering from cancer...not onli tat she iz suffering from the medication as well...the clever script as well as the life-like drawings almost made me shed a tear...if it was sumone i knew lying down there suffering...walao...n the old woman....her husband did everything he could...n luckily the main character iz who he iz...a hero...a hero going against the corrupt hospital officials...it also shed light towards wat doctors hav to face everyday...indeed there r happy moments...but faces of anguish n extreme sadness...even despair r visible as well...patients who blame the doctors...life iz important...i certainly will appreciate my life more watever the circumstances might b...i really will try my best to drive carefully wenever possible...hahaha...oh yeah...the ATM machine can reload handphone credit...today really studied a bit...feel kinda satisfied...understood how girls r generally smarter than boys...wen u got nothing to do...u juz kinda get more curious bout things i guess...as i went through the notes, i surfed the net to search for terms i dun understand...even though the lecturer might not hav covered it i still looked for it...why?..normally i might even think tat it iz troublesome...itz bcoz i m studying n i m not in a rush to do anything...there iz nothing planned...no outings, no dinner trips...i got nothing to do...playing a game or not iz completely up to me...i can play wenever i wan anyway...or mayb i juz wana improve on the way i study last sem...seeing how everyone say i muz try my best tis sem...i will make sure it will b more erm....dunno how to put it ler...if after going so far as to study from the second week of the semester onwards dont put me in the dean's list i m gona whack those fellas saying i shud try my best...sumtimes trying hard iz not good enuf...sumthings juz wont work in yur favor...but there iz nothing to lose iz there...bsides...i might even gain sumthing from tis...by proving it wrong n spitting it at their faces hehehe....using me as a real-life guinea pig...i think nothing else to say liao loh...tatz all for now...still feel kinda fresh after the bath...play game sin~~....bb

12/1/2008

Urgh...another weekend...but tis time i will try to make it different...by studying...yeah u read tat correctly...after being disappointed wif my own weaknesses i decided to bring tis a lvl further...now tat i dun think there r frequent outings anymore might as well channel all my frustration n other negative feelings into sumthing more useful...everyday i try to live my life on my own now...dont wana care for anyone but myself...a pitiful life sum might say...n i know i will b missing out on a lot of things...but if itz the best for me n everyone then so be it...i still couldnt process the term let go of my past...how to let go?...wat to let go?...if everything tat i m now iz coz i couldnt let go then i really muz try to face it one way or the other...perhaps the situation here or the scenario might b a bit special or unique but who knows? sumthing similar might happen in the future n i will know how to best react to it....hopefully =_=...earlier i tried to contact my coursemates for supper...i dun dare to hope for much...in fact i dun really know wat to talk about if they really agreed to come out for supper...they said no...one fella go paktoh while the other iz bz...i feel relieved but disappointed at the same time...if i dun talk to anyone...no one talks to me save for a few...there r exceptions of course...examples would b wen i hav sumthing they want...be it knowledge bout sumthing or an item...or i m the 'last resort' so to speak...meaning no one else loh..then onli find me...sum say i take life too seriously or make things too complicated...i juz wanted to know why...i m juz asking questions...mayb none can answer tis questions other than myself??...but i couldnt...no matter how many nights i spend thinking about tis issue...soon i will b released into the wild..how will i fare then?? it will b foolish not to plan for the future rite?...anyhow while writing tis blog i realized sumthing i think itz a universal truth...or in simple words..a fact...no friendship starts without a reason...u wan to know sumone else bcoz u r sitting bside the person in class, or grouped together...or u think the person iz attractive, charming, handsome or pretty...sounds harsh rite? throughout my blogs i hav posted so many facts like tis but i dun think anyone could proof me wrong....at least not yet...indeed i m hoping for sumone to do so...perhaps the world will b a better place...i feel tat i hav much more to blog..but sumhow i feel tat itz juz a waste of time as well...posting a blog iz sumthing to do out of loneliness...at least for me lah...if i got an active social life, tis blog will rot...too bz mah..hehehe...no more lonely nights such as tis i guess...so...wen i m alone...who will even bother to read tis blog...n i didnt really reveal tis blog to a lot of ppl...i prefer not to...so tat i can talk bout sumthings in private...but i wan tis blog to b read by ppl...i wan to send my thoughts sumwhere...ah...cant really put my thoughts into words successfully tis time...my mind iz getting blur de...tired i guess..hahaha...n bored no less...tatz all then...

10/1/2008

It was hope...n pure stupidity...i hoped too much for tis sem to b better, i hoped too much to hav more frens...n i thought i was a member of a group...i was wrong...i hope sumone could understand...i was wrong again...hope iz a double-edged sword...hope provides motivation for us to live another day...to greet another morning wif a smile...to accept, to forgive n to give one more chance...but wif hope there iz disappointment as well...if no hope then no disappointment...hahaha...i wanted to move on...to start a new one...to let go...wat iz to let go actually?...to forgive? to completely forget about it so it wont bother u anymore? if u still remember bout a sad past surely there will b times wen u r reminded by it especially if u r exposed to similar elements frequently?..to not let it bother yur life? meaning to freeze yur emotions? to neglect it? i dun really get it...mayb i m juz plain stupid...i fell from a motor b4....so everytime i ride during the rain i will b afraid...human nature right?...i treat sumone good but it was to no effect like those b4 so i will feel disappointed or despair....right? coz again n again oso kenot...kinda like failing sumthing again n again until give up liao...however tis iz life right? u cant give up on life? so can do wat woh? juz say no or get away? izzit even possible? hm...i dun think anyone can live alone...choose other frens? but there r no more others to choose woh...u hav no choice in tis...erm meaning in the choices of ppl to spend time wif...no one else available...so wat to do woh? juz keep on getting disappointed? hope tat it will get better? tat they will change? try to make them understand bout my needs? wouldnt it be too selfish? if others can b frens wif them why not me? watz different? hm...mayb if i could 'let go' of the past which iz me failing again n again?...hm...can it be done? r there emotional scars?...mayb will b scared to attempt again...so...can one live life without hope? kenot oso woh...so wat can b done? b more patient?...but getting stepped on all over the place iz not cool leh...being taken advantage oso...hm...one last question i guess...head oso spinning liao...can normal logic/methods apply to tis problem?..hm...i think can ask more questions...mayb itz not others? itz me? i shouldnt hav been too optimistic? mayb i shouldnt hav expected to b accepted? Ok, scenario example...

After many nights of me asking for supper n getting rejected, they then went out behind my back..considering the excuses they gave me a few nights ago...hm...n i was waiting for them to end their practice session...gotten kinda hungry earlier...

hm..mayb the solution iz simple? i m not in the same group as they r...i m not veli important?...mayb itz juz tat they forgot? or they dun like me at all? mayb i m not funny enuf?...or hav no topic to talk wif me? do i hav bad table manners? i got my own transport woh...n i m not bz...no assignment or projects in motion yet...tomolo no class oso...why leh? they dun think i would wan to go supper?...puzzling to say the least =_=...anyone can help me answer mah?

4/1/2008

Itz aledi 3am nia...hahaha back to normal i guess...go to class, sleep, eat, dota n yumcha...i guess tat sums up my usual routine...but after coming back 2 days i onli saw 3-4 ladies from my batch onli nia...where iz everybody =_=...even guys i havent seen everyone yet...well v r not in a rush...hehe...tomolo no class luckily...but got meeting for the computer society...i guess i hav to finish up my stuff tomolo...if possible lah~~...blog posts getting shorter nia...everytime blog oso veli late n veli sleepy...or mayb nothing big happened yet...well itz juz tat i dun really hav a lot of things to do...n i juz tot i wana tell sumone bout my day...everyone here iz bz wif their own life...i dun think anyone can afford to listen to my stories or opinions...hm...i guess tatz another valid reason to blog...i didnt feel the urge to blog while back home though....nothing much happening? most of the time i m at home or otherwise at 24 hour area playing dota n yumcha...mayb itz bcoz i cant really relate to the ones reading tis blog...dun worry i m not crazy enuf to write in different blogs at the same time...i onli hav tis one currently...friendster blog i aledi say goodby3 nia...wua...suddenly can type so many words...surprised myself...hehe...juz scrolled through my pictures folder...hmhmhm...bsides a lot of lenglui n anime pictures oso got pictures of me involved in sum outing or event wif the ppl of KBH...back then wen i had short hair...i think i m a lot slimmer than i m now...got motor getting lazy joh...hehe...but couldnt bring myself to go jogging though...okloh wana brush teeth watch half an hour anime then sleep liao loh...tatz all~~

3/1/2008

Back in UKM de loo...juz finished supper wif frens...wah...the time here passes so slowly...nothing much to do oso...play games oso kinda boring...classes not yet officially start...most ppl oso bz wif their societies n stuff...i oso need to get ready for the chaos...saw a lot of ppl today de...anyhow itz fast approaching 3am de...tomolo i got 9am class summore...tis one they say sure got class nia...oh well...at least now i can drive motor once more...almost forgot how it feels to hav the wind in my hair...my long long hair...hopefully i wont get caught by the lecturers~~...tatz all for now...nitez!!

1/1/2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Nothing like having a pizza dinner n drinking beer to usher in the new year...it has been quite sum time since i drink like tis...hehehe....once more...HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008~~~~