It was hope...n pure stupidity...i hoped too much for tis sem to b better, i hoped too much to hav more frens...n i thought i was a member of a group...i was wrong...i hope sumone could understand...i was wrong again...hope iz a double-edged sword...hope provides motivation for us to live another day...to greet another morning wif a smile...to accept, to forgive n to give one more chance...but wif hope there iz disappointment as well...if no hope then no disappointment...hahaha...i wanted to move on...to start a new one...to let go...wat iz to let go actually?...to forgive? to completely forget about it so it wont bother u anymore? if u still remember bout a sad past surely there will b times wen u r reminded by it especially if u r exposed to similar elements frequently?..to not let it bother yur life? meaning to freeze yur emotions? to neglect it? i dun really get it...mayb i m juz plain stupid...i fell from a motor b4....so everytime i ride during the rain i will b afraid...human nature right?...i treat sumone good but it was to no effect like those b4 so i will feel disappointed or despair....right? coz again n again oso kenot...kinda like failing sumthing again n again until give up liao...however tis iz life right? u cant give up on life? so can do wat woh? juz say no or get away? izzit even possible? hm...i dun think anyone can live alone...choose other frens? but there r no more others to choose woh...u hav no choice in tis...erm meaning in the choices of ppl to spend time wif...no one else available...so wat to do woh? juz keep on getting disappointed? hope tat it will get better? tat they will change? try to make them understand bout my needs? wouldnt it be too selfish? if others can b frens wif them why not me? watz different? hm...mayb if i could 'let go' of the past which iz me failing again n again?...hm...can it be done? r there emotional scars?...mayb will b scared to attempt again...so...can one live life without hope? kenot oso woh...so wat can b done? b more patient?...but getting stepped on all over the place iz not cool leh...being taken advantage oso...hm...one last question i guess...head oso spinning liao...can normal logic/methods apply to tis problem?..hm...i think can ask more questions...mayb itz not others? itz me? i shouldnt hav been too optimistic? mayb i shouldnt hav expected to b accepted? Ok, scenario example...
After many nights of me asking for supper n getting rejected, they then went out behind my back..considering the excuses they gave me a few nights ago...hm...n i was waiting for them to end their practice session...gotten kinda hungry earlier...
hm..mayb the solution iz simple? i m not in the same group as they r...i m not veli important?...mayb itz juz tat they forgot? or they dun like me at all? mayb i m not funny enuf?...or hav no topic to talk wif me? do i hav bad table manners? i got my own transport woh...n i m not bz...no assignment or projects in motion yet...tomolo no class oso...why leh? they dun think i would wan to go supper?...puzzling to say the least =_=...anyone can help me answer mah?
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