What I meant was...

While waiting for my housemate to stop hogging both the washing machine and the bathroom, decided to write something. Recently a lot of things have been happening. I guess this is the correct way to live, at least to my own personal definition. A few days ago I posted a video of myself doing the ALS ice bucket challenge. I read about ALS and it is pretty scary. I mean look at Stephen Hawking and imagine yourself in that situation for the next 30 years, if you are lucky. Else you die as a horrible shadow of your former self, unable to talk, unable to move, unable to live. And nobody is immune, nor is it limited to only those with family history. Is this condition an effect of karma or simply fate? Nobody knows. Anyway I donated a small sum and if you are interested to watch it, I have set it to public on Youtube. Good luck finding it.

So the main topic is about a a status update I posted on Facebook a few days ago about loneliness. In the most literal sense we are never alone. We are only alone if we make it that way. If we shut ourselves away from others or push them out. But what I meant was I do not have anybody that 'gets' me. As in to think in the same spectrum or brainwave or any bombastic term you can muster. Do you have a friend that agrees with your choices? Are they really in the same mindset or are they only going with the flow? Or worst, are they suppressing their needs to please you? No matter what, you as a friend, should appreciate their companionship and try not to be too selfish or lead them into traps. Traps as in horrible offers or bad choices in which you drag them along.

I hate those people. And I admit, I am suppressing myself at work. Or when I am out with a certain group of friends. Back in the university I do not give a damn about what the others think and look at how it turned out for me? Finding the balance is one tough challenge and I am jealous with people who have best friends. I guess both sides have to put in much effort to make things work. Speaking of work, I am having a bad time abiding with the lunch choices. I am trying very hard to slim down and oftentimes I am so hungry I get very cranky and I get colleagues who dive in without caring for their health or weather. I speak of weather because everyone gets smelly and sweaty walking that far for food that is not worth the effort. Vegetarian food is only healthy when it is properly cooked and prepared. We get deep-fried flour and thick syrup gravy.

I sincerely have no idea how I am going to have a kid of my own when I could not stand the childish antics of my colleagues. Why are we even coordinating our outfits or only going for outings when everyone is available? In the end, nothing gets done. I am unable to comprehend the way they talk as well. The insults are ridiculous and the refusal to admit they are wrong is very astounding. This is on a more personal level but I honestly am impatient with bad speakers. I am not a good speaker myself but at least I am able to get my point across. You can wipe your middle finger in my face but this is what I feel. The daily test of patience sometimes gets the better of me but somehow nothing regrettable has happened yet. To those who I really cannot stand, I try to make it clear that I do not appreciate their companionship.

 How much can you tolerate for a friend? Can just anybody be your friend? Are you positive or open-minded enough to just accept everybody? No matter how offensive they are? Even if they insult your principles or step on your code of conduct? No, you try to draw a line between you and them. You try to keep it professional. No bridges will be burnt. If they still do not get it, you avoid them like the plague. What is the point then? You keep people close, they hurt you. You keep them far, you feel alone. Basically is the problem on myself? I see people sharing something like 'When you apologize first, you value friendship more than your ego'. In my opinion, you are basically letting them a free pass to do the same thing again. I think you got to let them know it is wrong. And being an adult, hopefully they will be considerate and come to an agreement. Remember what you read 2 minutes ago? The problem is they are not capable of thinking like an adult.

Harsh words? I prefer to say honest words. You have no idea how much I have pent up inside of me all this while. One after another, from every workplace there will be people who rub you the wrong way. How do you handle all the insanity? You just go with the flow and swallow everything, good or bad? Are you sure that is the best thing to do? But I guess perhaps you have bigger issues to deal with. Maybe the reason why I am so pissed off with probably just a petty thing is because life is good? Whatever problem that you are staring at tends to be the largest one. So if I do not have anything else to rant about I guess this is it? Maybe I just learned to live with the other problems. You can never have enough money, a girl friend is still pretty much impossible. Oh yeah, there are still people talking shit about my hair and about me being gay. Leave me alone!