Just a short post. Words hold a very great power. It can create and destroy at the same time. Saying the correct words at the correct time is one of the keys to success in life. With words you can convince someone to trust you, to buy your products or to hire you. With words you can win the girl of your dreams. Or lose her. With words you can destroy 10 years of friendship. The same goes for unspoken words. If you hold it in for too long, afraid of the consequences, it might create a much more severe scenario. If you missed the chance to express yourself, the chance may never present itself to you ever again for the rest of your life. Can you blame someone to make a mistake with words then? However, what you know does not represent that the other party knows the same. They may not be aware of how strong words can be. And you wouldn't know. Some people prefer to treat words lightly and follow the old saying that action is more important than words. But when action is not available, you can only rely on words.
Today I posted a comment here http://dontlikethatbro.blogspot.com/2012/07/bros-those-three-words.html#comment-form in response to a funny comic that the author drew. I guess I got the inspiration for this post from it. But then there is a quote running in my head for a while now and I was already looking for a way to elaborate on it so this is a good chance to do so. To quote the lyrics from a song 'Before the tears dry up'. Different people will interpret this differently. But to me, it simply means before it is too late. When someone is crying over something you did, you can still try to salvage the situation by explaining yourself, correcting the error or take responsibility in some way. When the crying stops though, the wound has healed and the scar will always be there as a reminder of the pain. At that point, it is almost impossible to erase it. Somehow the words seem very meaningful to me and has stuck with me ever since I first heard the song. To drive someone to the point of crying, it must have been terrible. If I saw tear stains I don't think I will know what to do.
But now there is something I know I have to do. As part of my 2012 changes, I have decided to remove more people in Facebook. Facebook is a double-edged sword. You can share your happiness, meet up with friends and find new ones while you grow jealous of people and remember the bad things the others did. Many people simply do not wish to handle the awkwardness of bumping into people that you removed from Facebook. But then again, is it worth the anguish you feel? I have been isolated in the past and now I am still being isolated in the present. It is clear that I am an unwanted 'friend' or 'contact'. It is like a cruel employer purposely tormenting an employee in hopes that the employee will quit. Perhaps they have no intention of doing the same to me in a social setting but that is how I honestly feel. Confronting them seems like a fool's errand. Thus, I will grant their wish. I do not blame them because I know I am hard to deal with as well. I hope this will end in good will. If it does not, there is nothing I can do either. Life goes on and hopefully I can deal with life without all of you. Thank you for the time in the past. But it is already time to let you go.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Mundane
Recent days seem rather mundane to me. I have been stuck in the same project at work for a while now. No new changes in the social or economic front. The new rice cooker I bought is only practical during weekends when I have more time to experiment. Currently my house owner should still be unaware of my purchase. I am still using my old phone and my old laptop. Everything is just fine I guess. That is my biggest problem somehow. Among the reasons why I am such a heavy thinker is because I have a very short attention span. I cannot settle down into a routine that produce the same or known results. When I have free time, either I totally shut down and bum out watching TV or I start thinking about different things just to keep myself busy. According to my parents, the only way to keep me quiet is to record 2 hours worth of TV advertisements and position me in front of it. I would just stare at the flashy graphics and the weird people talking in the box. Imagine a 5 year old already requiring that kind of stimulus to keep him interested. Now I am 26. I cannot work well without playing music as it would seem too 'quiet'. I feel comfortable opening up conversations with more than 3 people since I find the average reply speed pretty 'slow' for my tastes. So how the hell am I supposed to settle into a daily routine?
My daily life is still littered with minor annoyances. Call it superiority complex but don't you feel irritated also when there are rude drivers or obnoxious people speaking loudly in a crowded place? I find that I still harbour a lot of negative feelings towards people as a whole. There was a rumour that my company being the subsidiary might be forced to return to HQ later this year. I have been to HQ and the culture there is very 'friendly' and 'cosy'. To me, it simply means more headaches dealing with people. If I could find a corner seat, I would gladly take it. Let me slip on my headphones and I will deliver my work. Just don't disturb me. I am already making the assumption that having increased interaction with people would only increase annoyance. I am already accustomed to it and it really feels like that is the only way I can function properly. Maybe I am just afraid of history repeating itself. I would rather keep people at a safe distance away than to be isolated by 'friends'. It is like what someone posted in FB earlier today, asking what is the reason they add a person as a friend if they are just going to be quiet? It is like introducing yourself and then just continue talking to your own group of people. I will start deleting people in my list by this weekend. If sharing content, commenting or messaging is going to be a chore, then why bother right?
Referring to my post yesterday, I wish to add in about my obsession with skill or talent. Even though I usually judge people based on how they treat me first, I have a different rating system for skill. Since young, I have always disliked rich or influential people who inherited the privilege. The only reason they have what they have is simply because their parents earn it for them. Not because they are capable. Not because they are smarter than me. Maybe it is just my external projection of extreme jealousy but it is actually a double-edged sword. I have the utmost respect for people who have skill no matter their background. It will seem much more impressive when they do not rely on family support. But this way of thinking is flawed as well. Not everyone is blessed with a skill or talent. To think that hard work would suffice is very idealistic. There are walls that you will never be able to climb over simply through hard work. As for me, without financial wealth or other favourable privileges, the only thing I can rely on is honing skills. Anyway, simply put, I am a very bitter and complicated person I guess. I am those people that think reality itself is against me. Asking me to be grateful for what I have is useless since I will also remind myself of what I lack as I reflect on my life so far. Will I be able to change? Only time will tell. Onwards to tomorrow then.
My daily life is still littered with minor annoyances. Call it superiority complex but don't you feel irritated also when there are rude drivers or obnoxious people speaking loudly in a crowded place? I find that I still harbour a lot of negative feelings towards people as a whole. There was a rumour that my company being the subsidiary might be forced to return to HQ later this year. I have been to HQ and the culture there is very 'friendly' and 'cosy'. To me, it simply means more headaches dealing with people. If I could find a corner seat, I would gladly take it. Let me slip on my headphones and I will deliver my work. Just don't disturb me. I am already making the assumption that having increased interaction with people would only increase annoyance. I am already accustomed to it and it really feels like that is the only way I can function properly. Maybe I am just afraid of history repeating itself. I would rather keep people at a safe distance away than to be isolated by 'friends'. It is like what someone posted in FB earlier today, asking what is the reason they add a person as a friend if they are just going to be quiet? It is like introducing yourself and then just continue talking to your own group of people. I will start deleting people in my list by this weekend. If sharing content, commenting or messaging is going to be a chore, then why bother right?
Referring to my post yesterday, I wish to add in about my obsession with skill or talent. Even though I usually judge people based on how they treat me first, I have a different rating system for skill. Since young, I have always disliked rich or influential people who inherited the privilege. The only reason they have what they have is simply because their parents earn it for them. Not because they are capable. Not because they are smarter than me. Maybe it is just my external projection of extreme jealousy but it is actually a double-edged sword. I have the utmost respect for people who have skill no matter their background. It will seem much more impressive when they do not rely on family support. But this way of thinking is flawed as well. Not everyone is blessed with a skill or talent. To think that hard work would suffice is very idealistic. There are walls that you will never be able to climb over simply through hard work. As for me, without financial wealth or other favourable privileges, the only thing I can rely on is honing skills. Anyway, simply put, I am a very bitter and complicated person I guess. I am those people that think reality itself is against me. Asking me to be grateful for what I have is useless since I will also remind myself of what I lack as I reflect on my life so far. Will I be able to change? Only time will tell. Onwards to tomorrow then.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
More thoughts
Blogging is actually an enjoyable thing to do, provided you got time. It is very beneficial in a lot of ways. You can use it to express your thoughts, your feelings be it negative or positive. Of course it is always better to keep it positive since stuff like this tend to feed itself. You recount the good things in life, you will have a brighter outlook. The opposite happens if you dwell around negativity. Once you get stuck in a downward spiral, it is hard to release yourself without intervention by another party. I know some people have high personal awareness and maturity but it is always better to avoid rather than cure when possible. The days have been kind to me I guess. I am just greedy for more stimulation. Good or bad, events and issues give you things to think about, things to focus on at the very least. I am the kind of person that feels restless and flustered when I couldn't find a goal or couldn't make a clear decision. I do not like leaving things to circumstance or fate. Of course it is obvious that I hope I can control things as much as possible to avoid regrets or simply unnecessary trouble. But I also have a bad track record with fate in certain aspects of life. I am still alive and healthy though, and I hope I can keep it that way.
But circumstances are a fact of life. You cannot avoid dealing with circumstances if you want to continue living. What you can do is to steel yourself, try to prepare yourself and solve it the best way you can. It helps if you can find someone to support you along the way but even if you can't you still need to solve it. There is always a solution, either you didn't know, you are lazy or it is not beneficial to you. At that time, just choose the lesser evil I guess. Not all decisions are easy to make. That is why it is such an important skill to have either in your field of work or in your personal affairs. We need to accept that we cannot win in everything. Life is about give and take and coming out the winner in the end with a positive profit. I am also painfully aware that not everyone will be able to do that but at the very least give it your best shot. We only get to live once, make everything count. Sometimes it is easier to accept an unfavourable result when you know that you have already done whatever you can. Since reality dictates that you will fail, you can rest easy as there is nothing else you can do and there will be no regrets. The catch is that we won't know until we give it a try. There is no harm in trying when there is nothing else to lose. If you can't avoid losing, try to sneak in a small gain. If it was a miracle turn-around, I am sure it will serve as a wonderful memory. Don't give up.
I am already sick of people telling me positive advice on how to be positive or how to view my life. Good things do not always come to those who wait and sometimes not everyone is destined for a fulfilling and happy life. That is just the way it is. But I never stopped living my life. I have to prove them wrong or just fulfil whatever destiny that I have. To me, this is a win-win situation. Either way, I benefit somehow. Recently, I told someone that it is much more fun to dream. Of course the reply came back asking when will I wake up. My answer is easy and direct. If the promised day never comes, then life is simply a dream for me. If one day I finally get my chance, life would be fulfilling I guess. If it never comes, then life would just be me passing by this reality. It would be too idealistic to think that everyone will be able to live up to everything that life has to offer. That too is a fact of life. But at the very least, see it through until the end. Some people only discover their life's calling through extraordinary circumstances. I am still waiting and is open to whatever reality 'suggests'. I am currently working as a web developer but who knows if I will be working in a different industry 5 years from now? I have never surrendered my future. I still need to feed myself and also support my family as much as possible. I am simply doing what I can do in the meantime, even though it might not be what I am supposed to do.
I have also been noted that I am rather harsh in judging people. It is very true. Maybe because people judge me a lot or simply because I am very strict with my principles. An eye for an eye. If you call me stupid, I will be willing to accept that moniker if you are smarter than me. If you eat your own words in the future, I will view you with extreme prejudice. If you come over with a superior tone, I will obey. I tend to give people the benefit of a doubt at first glance. Once you show an inferior display though, do not expect me to continue bowing. I try to follow my own rules all the time. I swear at people but I seldom call people stupid nor do I go about telling others what to do. I understand how annoying it could be. I guess this more or less explains one of the reasons why my social circle never grows. It is hard to even communicate with me since I will mark all of your words. However at least I do not nitpick and I do know not to take something literally all the time. I honestly hate that kind of humour. I don't get to show my displeasure all the time though. In the end, life revolves around relationships with other people. I realize a bit too late that I won't get too far if I do not take care of relationships, fake though it may be. To enjoy a true and honest relationship is something that seems to be too far to even wish for now.
But circumstances are a fact of life. You cannot avoid dealing with circumstances if you want to continue living. What you can do is to steel yourself, try to prepare yourself and solve it the best way you can. It helps if you can find someone to support you along the way but even if you can't you still need to solve it. There is always a solution, either you didn't know, you are lazy or it is not beneficial to you. At that time, just choose the lesser evil I guess. Not all decisions are easy to make. That is why it is such an important skill to have either in your field of work or in your personal affairs. We need to accept that we cannot win in everything. Life is about give and take and coming out the winner in the end with a positive profit. I am also painfully aware that not everyone will be able to do that but at the very least give it your best shot. We only get to live once, make everything count. Sometimes it is easier to accept an unfavourable result when you know that you have already done whatever you can. Since reality dictates that you will fail, you can rest easy as there is nothing else you can do and there will be no regrets. The catch is that we won't know until we give it a try. There is no harm in trying when there is nothing else to lose. If you can't avoid losing, try to sneak in a small gain. If it was a miracle turn-around, I am sure it will serve as a wonderful memory. Don't give up.
I am already sick of people telling me positive advice on how to be positive or how to view my life. Good things do not always come to those who wait and sometimes not everyone is destined for a fulfilling and happy life. That is just the way it is. But I never stopped living my life. I have to prove them wrong or just fulfil whatever destiny that I have. To me, this is a win-win situation. Either way, I benefit somehow. Recently, I told someone that it is much more fun to dream. Of course the reply came back asking when will I wake up. My answer is easy and direct. If the promised day never comes, then life is simply a dream for me. If one day I finally get my chance, life would be fulfilling I guess. If it never comes, then life would just be me passing by this reality. It would be too idealistic to think that everyone will be able to live up to everything that life has to offer. That too is a fact of life. But at the very least, see it through until the end. Some people only discover their life's calling through extraordinary circumstances. I am still waiting and is open to whatever reality 'suggests'. I am currently working as a web developer but who knows if I will be working in a different industry 5 years from now? I have never surrendered my future. I still need to feed myself and also support my family as much as possible. I am simply doing what I can do in the meantime, even though it might not be what I am supposed to do.
I have also been noted that I am rather harsh in judging people. It is very true. Maybe because people judge me a lot or simply because I am very strict with my principles. An eye for an eye. If you call me stupid, I will be willing to accept that moniker if you are smarter than me. If you eat your own words in the future, I will view you with extreme prejudice. If you come over with a superior tone, I will obey. I tend to give people the benefit of a doubt at first glance. Once you show an inferior display though, do not expect me to continue bowing. I try to follow my own rules all the time. I swear at people but I seldom call people stupid nor do I go about telling others what to do. I understand how annoying it could be. I guess this more or less explains one of the reasons why my social circle never grows. It is hard to even communicate with me since I will mark all of your words. However at least I do not nitpick and I do know not to take something literally all the time. I honestly hate that kind of humour. I don't get to show my displeasure all the time though. In the end, life revolves around relationships with other people. I realize a bit too late that I won't get too far if I do not take care of relationships, fake though it may be. To enjoy a true and honest relationship is something that seems to be too far to even wish for now.
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