December 2012!!

Finally it is December. It has been one hell of a year. Thankful nonetheless. Without further ado,

This is me, without exercise, after a hot shower. Well I can't proof my claim, you just have to trust me. If I am at max pump mode, at least my arms will be larger. Yes, it can still go larger. With gym membership, I have access to a variety of upper body exercise tools. Most importantly I now have dumbbells. I am still in the process of learning how to use certain machines but this is much more better than relying on push ups and the swing bar. Doing the same thing over and over again will only weaken that set of muscles during the session. I still do push ups and chin ups, just that now I have dumbbells and the captain's chair machine to add more flavor. My current weight is hovering around 68kg. Water weight seems to be around 1kg. Shoes weigh around 500g if you want a very precise reading. At 177cm, I am considered slender now.

November was an exciting month with good news and bad news. Work has not been kind to me though. Even now I am still pondering whose fault was it, how and why. Perhaps I could have avoided it? You could say it is regret but also anguish. I know I should take responsibility but the other half of me refuse to simply shoulder all the blame. But all I can come up with are excuses. Sounds stupid right? I also learnt that you can never rely on Facebook for pick-me-ups by your contacts. Words that may sound sad to you can also be viewed as an opening for wordplay by others. Couple it with impeccable timing and you get a tight slap on the face about reality. I still do not understand but at least now I know that I should avoid it. I do not want to burn any bridges, so it was very difficult to swallow things. It is a thin fine line between being patient and being a coward. It is also a thin line between speaking up and being sensitive though.

Life is indeed a balancing act and you get punished without a break. Maybe just to make sure you remember it for the rest of your life. I guess everyone goes through shit once in a while. The way people deal with things are different. The supporting environment as well as various circumstances surrounding people are different. Therefore it is only obvious that we should not judge people harshly. Things like this could befall me, things 10 times worst could befall another too. There is no telling. There is no rule saying a person cannot fall below a certain threshold of bad luck. This applies to happiness too. I better stop over-analyzing stuff like this. Things getting a bit too gloomy. Like it or not, tomorrow comes again. We can only hope for a brighter future ahead. If you need something to hold onto, invest in yourself simply because you know you will gain from it. That is why I depend on my exercise routines. I know I am making progress. Maybe you can start learning a musical instrument or experiment with cooking. Another day means another chance to progress, to get better and to look forward to.

October 2012 update!!

Here is my latest picture. I do not know if you could consider this mission accomplished but I am pretty close.

In the picture, I am pumped up and also straining my muscles. I think male models do that when they pose so I am not cheating. However, it is still a pretty vague outline. I guess the upcoming 2 months is for me to experiment and polish my body before the deadline. This may very well be the best birthday present I have given myself so far. Not partying all night, not gaming all night, but something that has a very profound effect on my current self as well as my future self. The only gift that could beat that is perhaps another concert trip. Nailing a girl is something very subjective so that does not qualify. I have also included a picture of my back. In contrast to my front, it is not as muscular because I have only really paid attention to it recently.

Here you can see a very obvious back line and some developed shoulder muscles. I still have some work to do for my lower back muscles. I do not wish to make them bulge much but I would like a bit more definition. I am not aiming for Bruce Lee level of definition either. It is my body after all. I will pursue whatever that I think looks good. I guess you can see my triceps are only slightly above average with the bulge. It is something I am currently working on as well. Regarding my back and shoulder exercise, I suggest pull ups (front & back grip) and narrow push ups. I do pull ups at the playground but both my palms are bruised frequently due to the rectangular bar instead of the usual round bar. For push ups, I am still unable to do parallel elbow style even with my current build. I guess I still lack strength. Parallel elbow means you keep you elbow close to your side during the push up instead of the usual wide angle version. It is very hard.

Body updates aside, there isn't much to talk about. Nothing much happened between the team building trip and now. Well, at least nothing important enough. If it was really important, I would have created a blog post about it. My medical check-up results are out and some of it are rather peculiar but mostly I have a healthy body. I need to switch up my diet a bit and see how things will go. There was another patient at the clinic with suspected cancer though. I guess it will come as a severe shock. If possible I want to do much more regular check-ups but I cannot afford it. Might seem foolish as well since I am still young. I do not smoke, I do not take drugs and I exercise. Should be enough.

Yesterday I went to a reunion dinner of sorts with my friends from university. It was fun seeing them after so long. In case you have forgotten, I deleted a lot of them previously. Makes such meetings much more interesting I think. Some of them I simply chatted along even though we might have arguments in the past and stopped talking altogether. Time heals as they say. Everyone still looks the same even after so long. Some may have gained or lost some weight, some changed partners but for the most part, everyone is still alright. I do not know when will we have something similar again but I will always welcome it. Hopefully next time it does not rain and I do not have to risk my life again. Or maybe by next time I would have bought a car. Which is very nice if it came true. Well, life goes on. Wonder what will November bring?

More things to know

Merely a continuation of what I have written from the last post, it has been a journey of discovery. Today I went back to my university as a visitor to attend my brother's graduation ceremony. It is the first time I saw the entire graduation proceeding as I have never attended any graduation other than my own previously. I should be sorry to the people I know but it was not an option to travel that far for me just to spend some time taking pictures and maybe having a meal. To be frank, our friendship is not worth the hassle. Anyway, 3 years later I find myself at the grand hall again. But this time a lot of things have changed. For one, people everywhere are using smartphones. In the hall you can see people playing games, taking pictures or simply watching videos. There was none back in my day. And firmly in my hand is my phone, still the same from 3 years ago. A lot of time has passed and yet somehow it felt like none at all. Some things have changed, but some none at all.

This time, my brother had a digital camera. Back then, I wasn't able to afford a camera. And I have forgotten to properly charge my phone. In the end, I did not have a proper graduation photo even with my parents. I had to ask a friend to take a photo of me and my parents and then send it to me. Now that I think about it, I bet my parents are very disappointed. How sad it must have been for them. This time I came back with a vengeance. Without fail I smiled and posed. I even took a top-down angled picture smiling like an idiot with my parents and brother as background. Yes, I managed an awesome self-picture. And I still don't have a camera. I will ask my brother to send me a picture of only me and him soon. Now, I realized something. I am comfortable with pictures and smiling somehow. Maybe it is due to my new found confidence. Maybe I set up the random 2012 project and started doing things without thinking. Either way, I learnt something new.

And I am going to continue the flow. I have agreed to attend my friend's pre-wedding buffet dinner this coming weekend. It has been a long time since I have seen her or any other friends from university. I have no idea what they have been up to since I deleted them from Facebook. I guess it is for the best. Now I feel the need to catch up with them. I am curious about what they have been up to, who is dating who and how they look like. It is something well worth my time and hassle to take public transportation and suffer. I wouldn't be feeling like this if I see them in Facebook all the time. Furthermore, this time I will meet them without prejudice or opinions from reading their Facebook messages that I do not agree with. And it is about time I faced them to make things clear if I have to. To have closure. Or to be inspired for my 2013 project. If she is also there, I think it is appropriate that I tell her everything as well. I have hidden long enough. It is about time everything comes to light and for me to properly put it down. After all, it has been more than 3 years.