I am sorry to say but there has been a bit too much happening today and thus it is almost impossible for me to properly blog this out. I think this is the first time I am so pissed off about things that I just want to go to sleep. Maybe it is just because today is the 29th of February. I don't know. I never wanted to count. I never wanted to see. I never wanted to remember. I never wanted to care. But how am I supposed to ignore it when you shove it up my face? How am I supposed to simply pretend everything is alright when you just made it worst? How can I act content when what I can only see is everything that I do not have? I have given up so much in exchange for that slight hope that things will be different. What more do you ask of me? Is it too much to ask of you? I should have never placed hope. At least not there. At least not on you. And tomorrow things will happen all over again. Once more I have only myself and a handful of distant people I can trust. Once more it will be a solitary struggle. Me and my idealistic delusions.
Judging from the topic you should already have seen it coming. Reading back on my words it sounds so dramatic as if taken from a script. But that is the only way I can relay my feelings using my rather limited vocabulary. Some of you would wonder what use is it to vent all my anger and frustration here? The people involved wouldn't be any wiser tomorrow or the day after. Like it or not I still need to face them. And I could do well without having more trouble. If it is simply my emotions getting the better of me, I think releasing it somewhere without harming anyone else is the best way to do it. Some of them are innocent. I mean they are who they are. It is just me or the circumstances that surround me and them during that moment. It is always wrong to penalize someone for something that is truly unintentional. And I choose to give them the benefit of a doubt. I have to learn to let go unless I want to end up being alone all the time. Some people say I shouldn't need to put up with this all the time. I guess I can only say that I only do what I can. Take care everyone, and enjoy Thursday.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Personas and me
Once again I am touched by how strong a person can be and how cruel reality can be. Most of us want nothing more than to enjoy our short lives. What does a person need to do to warrant such a punishment? How strong must a person be to withstand it then? I don't know if I could even last that long. It was really an eye opener to see such a cheerful person concealing so much that we are not aware of. I must be pretty much selfish and useless to be complaining about my life then. I will work harder to be at least half as strong as you. Truly, that was really one of the few moments ever which could even bring me close to shedding a tear. I graduated from tearful Hong Kong dramas a few years ago and I thought I could handle almost everything now. I do have a rather emotional or sentimental side to myself but I don't get there usually with dramas. Maybe because I know it is fake and it is all scripted by people who brainstorm about how to make a story more tragic. Maybe what I saw was fake, I may never know. But my renewed motivation is real.
Onwards to my topic, it is about the multiple personas that everyone has. I don't think anyone is ever one-dimensional or is honest with everybody. The kind person may hide a spiteful persona underneath or the rude person may actually have another side to him/her. That kind of thing. I personally hide many different personas. The usual me has a limited sense of humour, indifferent to pretty much everything and tend to lose focus easily. Limited because I can honestly say, not all jokes sit well with me. Some people say I hide a calculative nature. Some people dislike me being such a 'fake' person. This was actually addressed by a comedian from a show I watched. He mentioned that if he were to complain about life, people would ask 'how can he still laugh like that?' and label him as a fake. If I am sad, must I cry in front of everyone? Would you do that? Even females try their best to smile should the need arises.
That is a very inaccurate accusation to me. But anyway, think what you will. As long as the people important to me know me well, I have no issues. And 'hide' is not exactly something I do. It is simply you do not care that much about me to understand the way I am. Nobody can hide their true nature for long periods of time without feeling tired or frustrated. I am too lazy to bother. Speaking of that, I do hide some of my comments in Facebook for fear of negative reaction from parties involved. Some people say it is a cowardly thing to hurl insults or accusations over Facebook. I think so too but that person is not in front of me now or it is simply stupid to invite trouble. And it feels good to voice out your dissatisfaction occasionally. I have a lot so I need to blog. Recently I created an account in another social media website and it is seriously fun. I am randomly adding people I do not know, simply spewing whatever I honestly feel like at the moment and to hell with privacy settings. The six degrees of separation have nothing on me when that website is not even natively English.
Don't you feel frustrated when you need to watch what you say in Facebook? I know people that do not care. It is admirable to a certain extent but it is not exactly that practical. Not everyone is as mature, sincere, or considerate as you. So whatever you say may cause unforeseen circumstances. And thus I dare say everyone has their Facebook persona. They behave differently on Facebook. Some become very polite or knowledgeable to display a different image or simply to impress their contacts on Facebook. Some become brave due to the anonymity of privacy settings or a secondary account and unleash all their pent up frustrations. It is simply human nature to have different ways of approaching different situations. Even if you are cheerful by nature, you should be angry when people hit you or something. I guess I have written enough for today. Take care and enjoy Wednesday!!!
Onwards to my topic, it is about the multiple personas that everyone has. I don't think anyone is ever one-dimensional or is honest with everybody. The kind person may hide a spiteful persona underneath or the rude person may actually have another side to him/her. That kind of thing. I personally hide many different personas. The usual me has a limited sense of humour, indifferent to pretty much everything and tend to lose focus easily. Limited because I can honestly say, not all jokes sit well with me. Some people say I hide a calculative nature. Some people dislike me being such a 'fake' person. This was actually addressed by a comedian from a show I watched. He mentioned that if he were to complain about life, people would ask 'how can he still laugh like that?' and label him as a fake. If I am sad, must I cry in front of everyone? Would you do that? Even females try their best to smile should the need arises.
That is a very inaccurate accusation to me. But anyway, think what you will. As long as the people important to me know me well, I have no issues. And 'hide' is not exactly something I do. It is simply you do not care that much about me to understand the way I am. Nobody can hide their true nature for long periods of time without feeling tired or frustrated. I am too lazy to bother. Speaking of that, I do hide some of my comments in Facebook for fear of negative reaction from parties involved. Some people say it is a cowardly thing to hurl insults or accusations over Facebook. I think so too but that person is not in front of me now or it is simply stupid to invite trouble. And it feels good to voice out your dissatisfaction occasionally. I have a lot so I need to blog. Recently I created an account in another social media website and it is seriously fun. I am randomly adding people I do not know, simply spewing whatever I honestly feel like at the moment and to hell with privacy settings. The six degrees of separation have nothing on me when that website is not even natively English.
Don't you feel frustrated when you need to watch what you say in Facebook? I know people that do not care. It is admirable to a certain extent but it is not exactly that practical. Not everyone is as mature, sincere, or considerate as you. So whatever you say may cause unforeseen circumstances. And thus I dare say everyone has their Facebook persona. They behave differently on Facebook. Some become very polite or knowledgeable to display a different image or simply to impress their contacts on Facebook. Some become brave due to the anonymity of privacy settings or a secondary account and unleash all their pent up frustrations. It is simply human nature to have different ways of approaching different situations. Even if you are cheerful by nature, you should be angry when people hit you or something. I guess I have written enough for today. Take care and enjoy Wednesday!!!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Health and me pt2
I am getting more and more visitors from random countries due to the weird linking phenomena. Though I wish I can get more readers not for the money but just to know more people. As you can see, I have no ads in my blog. I will never subject readers to things they do not like. Such as random songs that play automatically spoiling my playlist or blinking ads that are distracting or not proper. Or forcing visitors to gaze at my picture the first thing they load. Today I am pretty much wasted as I attempted to match my usual routine with my new diet. I thought due to the 'forced' early retirement last Friday my body would have recovered enough to engage in a run today. I was wrong and I couldn't even do the cooldown lap. I was overheating and left gasping for air. I do not know if the run actually made things worst for my body or not but I most probably will rest tomorrow. I was left wondering how much I used to eat and how much I am actually lacking now.
This post will be focusing on health again because the previous post back in December did not really mention much about health except for my obsession. And me running in the rain. And pretty Korean idols. It was 6 paragraphs long too. Anyway I will not be matching that tonight because I want to sleep early for a change. What is the point of me talking about health if I am unhealthy in the first place? I do not claim to be very healthy at this point but I do think I am better than some? Actually the topic was meant to be about being overweight but I think that would be too specific. There was once a scandal in Korea where a group of male idols were caught 'insulting' overweight females. They were criticized harshly for their rude remarks and insensitivity but to me, they have a point. People tend to react badly when something bad that people say is correct and they feel guilty about it. So they shot back with a vengeance to cover it.
I too am guilty of this and that is why I think I am qualified to mention it. They mentioned that overweight girls are unattractive because it shows that they do not take care of their health properly. It is correct to say they should be more polite with their words but healthy people are usually not overweight right? I know some people gain weight easier than the rest but there are no known medical conditions that make weight control impossible yet right? If you say your job does not let you to take care of your weight properly, then does that mean your health is less important? If you do not take care of yourself, does that mean I should take care of you? And how would I expect you to cover my back when I need it? Perhaps I am cruel or rude but stop lying to yourself and think about it. Do you think a sick person would stand a better chance than a healthy person with all the other aspects being equal?
It is true that love is blind and we can never predict it. But health is something we can control most of the time. Of course I am not referring to hereditary diseases. I am sure most of you have seen how heart-breaking it is when a loving couple has limited time left. When a partner hides the news about having a terminal disease not wanting the other half to be sad. How can people be so selfish sometimes? If I came to you, knowing you have 3 months left I will have no qualms about it because I love you. If I came to you, and you destroyed your health leaving me to cope with the possibility of losing you, I will never forgive you. And I will never forgive myself. No matter what the reason was, I should have been able to provide you with a choice. I should have been richer, I should have been more capable and I shouldn't have asked so much of you. But regrets are worth nothing but tears on the ground and cries in the air. It will be too late then.
I am directing this post to everyone who smokes, take drugs or is simply unhealthy. I believe all 3 of them can be fixed. I have tried extending advice but what I found was hostility and ignorance. How can I just ignore you practically committing suicide slowly in front of me? I am not asking for gratitude, I am asking that you value your life more. Some people starve themselves halfway to death to lose weight. That is avoiding the issue. Even if I am of no importance to you then think about those who are. I know some simply say that healthy people die too. And everything would be pointless all the same. Why are you increasing the odds? Just to test a theory or proof a point? What good is there to be unhealthy? Tell me one solid reason and I will stop all this. I do not like to lecture, but if you are annoyed then do not expect an apology. Similarly, I am disappointed in you too.
This was a rather emotionally charged post due to the amount of people I know that currently smokes or ignores their health. I might just die earlier than them and they will come to my grave and gloat about them living longer. But if you die earlier than me, it would be just me asking on your grave, 'Why?'. All your arguments are based on the possibility that our lives are pre-determined. Maybe because I do not have a religion. I simply cannot understand or accept such an argument. Anyway, I think I have gone on long enough. Take care and enjoy Tuesday!!
This post will be focusing on health again because the previous post back in December did not really mention much about health except for my obsession. And me running in the rain. And pretty Korean idols. It was 6 paragraphs long too. Anyway I will not be matching that tonight because I want to sleep early for a change. What is the point of me talking about health if I am unhealthy in the first place? I do not claim to be very healthy at this point but I do think I am better than some? Actually the topic was meant to be about being overweight but I think that would be too specific. There was once a scandal in Korea where a group of male idols were caught 'insulting' overweight females. They were criticized harshly for their rude remarks and insensitivity but to me, they have a point. People tend to react badly when something bad that people say is correct and they feel guilty about it. So they shot back with a vengeance to cover it.
I too am guilty of this and that is why I think I am qualified to mention it. They mentioned that overweight girls are unattractive because it shows that they do not take care of their health properly. It is correct to say they should be more polite with their words but healthy people are usually not overweight right? I know some people gain weight easier than the rest but there are no known medical conditions that make weight control impossible yet right? If you say your job does not let you to take care of your weight properly, then does that mean your health is less important? If you do not take care of yourself, does that mean I should take care of you? And how would I expect you to cover my back when I need it? Perhaps I am cruel or rude but stop lying to yourself and think about it. Do you think a sick person would stand a better chance than a healthy person with all the other aspects being equal?
It is true that love is blind and we can never predict it. But health is something we can control most of the time. Of course I am not referring to hereditary diseases. I am sure most of you have seen how heart-breaking it is when a loving couple has limited time left. When a partner hides the news about having a terminal disease not wanting the other half to be sad. How can people be so selfish sometimes? If I came to you, knowing you have 3 months left I will have no qualms about it because I love you. If I came to you, and you destroyed your health leaving me to cope with the possibility of losing you, I will never forgive you. And I will never forgive myself. No matter what the reason was, I should have been able to provide you with a choice. I should have been richer, I should have been more capable and I shouldn't have asked so much of you. But regrets are worth nothing but tears on the ground and cries in the air. It will be too late then.
I am directing this post to everyone who smokes, take drugs or is simply unhealthy. I believe all 3 of them can be fixed. I have tried extending advice but what I found was hostility and ignorance. How can I just ignore you practically committing suicide slowly in front of me? I am not asking for gratitude, I am asking that you value your life more. Some people starve themselves halfway to death to lose weight. That is avoiding the issue. Even if I am of no importance to you then think about those who are. I know some simply say that healthy people die too. And everything would be pointless all the same. Why are you increasing the odds? Just to test a theory or proof a point? What good is there to be unhealthy? Tell me one solid reason and I will stop all this. I do not like to lecture, but if you are annoyed then do not expect an apology. Similarly, I am disappointed in you too.
This was a rather emotionally charged post due to the amount of people I know that currently smokes or ignores their health. I might just die earlier than them and they will come to my grave and gloat about them living longer. But if you die earlier than me, it would be just me asking on your grave, 'Why?'. All your arguments are based on the possibility that our lives are pre-determined. Maybe because I do not have a religion. I simply cannot understand or accept such an argument. Anyway, I think I have gone on long enough. Take care and enjoy Tuesday!!
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