Disappointments and me

I am sorry to say but there has been a bit too much happening today and thus it is almost impossible for me to properly blog this out. I think this is the first time I am so pissed off about things that I just want to go to sleep. Maybe it is just because today is the 29th of February. I don't know. I never wanted to count. I never wanted to see. I never wanted to remember. I never wanted to care. But how am I supposed to ignore it when you shove it up my face? How am I supposed to simply pretend everything is alright when you just made it worst? How can I act content when what I can only see is everything that I do not have? I have given up so much in exchange for that slight hope that things will be different. What more do you ask of me? Is it too much to ask of you? I should have never placed hope. At least not there. At least not on you. And tomorrow things will happen all over again. Once more I have only myself and a handful of distant people I can trust. Once more it will be a solitary struggle. Me and my idealistic delusions.

Judging from the topic you should already have seen it coming. Reading back on my words it sounds so dramatic as if taken from a script. But that is the only way I can relay my feelings using my rather limited vocabulary. Some of you would wonder what use is it to vent all my anger and frustration here? The people involved wouldn't be any wiser tomorrow or the day after. Like it or not I still need to face them. And I could do well without having more trouble. If it is simply my emotions getting the better of me, I think releasing it somewhere without harming anyone else is the best way to do it. Some of them are innocent. I mean they are who they are. It is just me or the circumstances that surround me and them during that moment. It is always wrong to penalize someone for something that is truly unintentional. And I choose to give them the benefit of a doubt. I have to learn to let go unless I want to end up being alone all the time. Some people say I shouldn't need to put up with this all the time. I guess I can only say that I only do what I can. Take care everyone, and enjoy Thursday.