7/3/2007

Hm....itz been a long time since i blogged...hahaha perhapz itz due to the bad connection in the hostel..or itz juz tat a lot has been happening in my life..too much....tat now i m at a loss...as to wat to do from here...i hav finished a lot of stuff...now onli a few things r left...one of them iz a doomed presentation...the lecturer will bite us off...none hav survived so far...but i cant juz ignore it...but even still...spending a weekend on it iz overkill...wat else do i hav? wat else can i do? wen u drag out too much water from a well too quickly...there lies an empty space b4 water flows back to replace those gone or the whole level juz recedes...wen suddenly there iz no drive or purpose to look forward to...mayb i m still suffering from lack of sleep but 8+ hours iz way too much...rarely do i get to sleep tat much...very rare...n i juz woke up from my afternoon nap...whole body still feeling heavy n my mind in a blur...the mms yesterday was rather lacking i think...i couldnt put it down as the past yet...my consciousness iz still forcing me to think tat did i really give everything i hav got into producing it? izzit tat i can do no more n no better? so tiz iz how regret feels like? wen u r still living in the past tat u cant possibly see the future? nvr tot a simple mms could do so much to a person eh? simple...mayb i shouldnt describe it as simple nia...since it took me a few days to complete it...almost 8 hours per day on it? in the past wen i hav regret iz wen i play dota n lost...thinking perhaps if i hav done better the team wouldnt lose...hm...so i feel like tis wen i thought i hav let ppl down bsides myself? yeah...i guess so...none of the ajk thanked me for a job well done yet like last time malam pengenalan...no celebrations no nothing...mayb they got bigger fish to fry? but even to myself i felt it was juz kinda average...didnt hav the effect i was hoping for...wat did i do wrong?? i guess tiz iz the issue of the day nia...damn i still feel tired...so heavy...i know i shouldnt b...earlier i tried to play game...but i felt sien...then i knew sumthing iz not right d...i wont feel sien wen i play games tat i like...but the game hanged lah...hahaha...now i think wat do i wana do n i cant come up wif anything...find ppl to chat? play a game? nothing comes to mind...i m stuck...couldnt move on into the future....hopefully the night will b better...finding ppl to chat...i onli hav 1 person in mind now...but dunno if she iz free or back hometown or not...there i said it...a girl...scared d liao...izzit going sumwhere i m afraid of? or m i thinking too much? iz tiz how friendship between guy n girl shud b? or izzit possible to go sumwhere further? itz not like i m the one initiating it tis time...for the first time i think she might b interested...hehe mayb i m giving too much credit to myself...but i do know she wana b frens...true frens...tat much iz sure nia...i m juz waiting for sumthing more...she iz going hot n cold..if she likes me for real then i hav to return her feelings...either as a fren or as the one she chose...m i missing a chance of the lifetime? iz she the one? but i dun hav the same feeling wif the ones in my past...i dunno ler...confusing..thinking too much again? but tatz wat happens wen i m too free..no classes n no ppl to talk to...onli tis blog where my thoughts run free...thoughts tat i wouldnt even think of unless i wrote down my train of thought....everytime i tried to confirm her feelings she would brush me away...but oftentimes she catches me offguard wif the words she say n i will get confused all over again...mayb i m juz stupid...or mayb tatz how friends talk? bah it wont end...anyway mayb one of tis days i will post sum photos on my frenster...updated pics of my looks...hehe...nothing much changed other than a freakingly long front hair...coz didnt cut during CNY...ok then time to cut my nails...almost 0.5cm long d...everytime ppl ask i give the excuse i m too bz to sit down n trim it...now i got all the time in the world...hehehe...bb~