31/3/2008

End of March n a crazy weekend...currently iz 5am...wif now there r mixed feelings in myself...old ones r brought to light again earlier today...but i wouldnt really complain if things continue on like tis...after all i hav lived through it for a while aledi..sumhow everything i see, read or talk about iz related to tis 'incident'...sumhow itz all related today...torn between light n darkness...wat do i really want? wishing for the misfortune of others?? tat iz not acceptable indeed...plz let not my efforts, feelings, suffering n tears go to waste...hahaha not tat i hav actually cried over anything anyhow...juz wana make it more dramatic...but truly...plz...dun waste my sacrifice...but even if it truly happens...i...for now i think...i cant bring myself to swear over tis...i m afraid...afraid tat i cant uphold my oath...so as of now...i will promise...i will keep true to my original intention...even if things swing my way...i will evade it...tiz iz my own punishment for hoping for the bad...it iz impossible to change things for me i guess...haihz...hard to tell everything here considering tiz iz a sensitive issue..but i need sumwhere to vent my innermost feelings....i couldnt trust anyone enuf wif wat i m thinking or feeling rite now...to sum it will b a shocking development....unexpected turn of events...do not think highly of me as i m still human...i think it iz much more better for me to suffer tis rather than another...but sumtimes i do think otherwise...hopefully all tis while i nvr show anything to arouse suspicion...tis iz how things shud remain? let no one else suffer unnecessarily...but in a worst case scenario...every1 will lose...hav i done sumthing wrong?? did i make the wrong choice in the past? how wud things change if i took the other path?? too late to find out...can onli look into the future for now...hahaha...but perhaps i m thinking too much..mayb i m giving myself too much credit...mayb i shud juz sleep...if i talk anymore it might alleviate the problem...if tis blog spreads out into the open...tis will b my form 6 nightmare all over again...n yet i still post tis blog...perhaps i m more confident tis time around...tat no 1 will read n spread...but even if they do read...tis aint my form 6 anymore...hopefully...damn i m running in circles...i dunno wat i m talking about n i m sleepy...almost 5:30 am d...gtg ya...