30/10/2007

First paper down de...4 more to go...er...average start...coz the paper today i think can onli get B+...A- at best...duno...actually the paper iz one of my chances to get back in the race for dean's list...but now the chances r getting slimmer..perhaps there will be sum surprises in the other subjects? even though i dun like it...but scoring my first year pointer aint tat bad now...3.59..wakakka 0.01 more till dean's list level...wonder how will i graduate? if i could really achieve first class honors then it will b nice...i can make my parents happy, i m happy wif myself n oso gain sum advantage while looking for work...who knows? mayb i will attempt another year? But by then a lot of ppl will b gone...everything will b different...heck things r different everyday...either it gets better or it gets worse...it moves...nvr stands still...today play games whole morning n afternoon to rip my mind away from the exam earlier...to b honest i m not happy wif the exam nia...a lot of mistakes...cost me a lot of marks...marks tat i could hav gained instead...almost lost my appetite for lunch...but went out to eat anyway...played games till evening...grab a nap...continued playing then go dinner wif a junior...nowadays always spend time wif the junior...wonder if he gets bored wif me...dunno lah...oh yeah...forgot bout sumthing yesterday...i chatted a bit wif the ppl running the rice stall where i go lunch frequently..sumhow i feel kinda warm...they r good ppl...haihz...to live my life alone right now...sumhow i m standing between total breakdown n depression n peace...i guess i dun hav time nor the energy to think bout tis stuff now...i guess i finally m able to see their true nature? tat i m not worth being frens wif...mayb tatz the reason why i dun feel tat terrible like i used to...i hav made certain my doubts...sure it hurts to b alone...but not as bad as being hurt by ppl we think of as frens...who iz correct n who iz wrong? m i overreacting? no one can really judge it as every side hav their own story to tell...n their own feelings...sumhow i feel i got nowhere to go to now...back home, my neighbourhood frens hav all changed...sum working, sum not...but all of them r not the same as i remember them...furthermore being separated so long...feelings grew thin...it was not really tat thick to begin wif anyway hahaha...here...i got no one as well...a lot of ppl claim to b my fren..tat they will b there for me...ah...how many times hav i seen or heard those words...if there were any truth in it, i wouldnt be making tis post now would i? hehehe...sum ppl fear me...sum ppl dun like me at all...those sweet words earlier r juz for the moment...itz the correct thing to say?? i dun think so...dun make empty promises n get my hopes up high...i will always reply, i will always b here no matter wat...but if u dun talk to me, i wont talk to u nia...how can friendship b so brittle? if i dun kacau ppl, they dun kacau me de...sumtimes i kacau oso no reply...but i will respond...i guess itz the same as others..mayb i shud kacau ppl instead...but izzit really no one will even try to talk to me wen i m being silent? mayb i m waiting? but...mayb u r waiting as well eh?? hm....sumthing to think about wen i sleep tonight...AHHHH!!!! now onli i remember about it aledi...till now i onli kacau those 'available' ppl nia..'taken' ppl dun wan kacau de...tatz why my contact list so small...forgot bout tis important factor tim...so the onli way iz look downwards? towards the juniors?? there r other 'available' ppl geh...but i m not tat close to them to begin wif or they r veli bz wif their societies n activities...n i m not part of their societies or activities...argh..dammit everything iz related....i better stop now..tomolo need to meet lecturer at 8.30am...now almost 2 liao...