Sorry for the late update but here is my latest picture. Well I don't think the changes are obvious but I guess I did good on my arms and my chest this month. I have been trying to pump my abs harder but they are not very responsive as usual. Anyway, this coming month I will be upping my protein intake when I finally buy a rice cooker. I can then cook eggs, meat, and whatever it is that I want to experiment with. However it is not possible to actually eat healthy food all the time since I still go out for lunch with colleagues and hang out with friends. I will try my best to make educated choices to the best of my ability. My shoes are finally worn out so I won't be running till I get myself a new shoe. I doubt it will be soon and so I decide to try sticking to pure strength training for the entire month and see how my body reacts to it. This coupled with increased protein should have a positive effect on muscle growth though I am unsure if it will affect my liver or something else. I will need to make good on my intention of getting a health check soon.
The past month has been more or less a roller-coaster month for me. Of course there are ups and downs but never so violent I guess. In some instances I am even unsure how to react to it. But nevertheless I am constantly reminded of myself, my past and my hopes for the future. I am forced to reflect and to evaluate myself almost daily. It is very tiring by itself and things sometimes get worst when I am really tired from the day's work. A project is finishing soon so I need to do my best ensuring everything works as intended. It is unavoidable that I will feel too lazy to do anything though. I am sure everyone feels the same once in a while. I am not really nervous about it. Anyway, speaking of reactions, recently I helped out some of my colleagues and I doubted their sincerity when they expressed gratitude. It was terrible of me. I didn't think the problem was such a big deal though it was quite serious but somehow I feel uncomfortable with being appreciated. I always mention I wanted acknowledgement but I have always doubted words. Simply because words have always betrayed me in the past.
I wonder when will I be able to trust someone. Will I end up scaring people away? Though it is nothing new I guess. Day in day out I am constantly annoyed by the things people say. Even though I am more or less accustomed to it, it doesn't mean I am comfortable with it. I still feel offended. So I usually just ignore what people say. Sometimes I do wish I have more choices in friends. But you can't choose what cards you are dealt at the table. Just play your deck the best you can. I do not get the strength to go on simply via willpower or motivation. I find strength from others, from the things other people do when there is nothing in my life. I am not ashamed to rely on others for a purpose. I am not ashamed to admit that my priorities are shared with other people in my life. They are worth that much. If you cannot carry on your job for yourself, think about your family, think about your partner, think about the people around you. I will continue living, not only for myself, but for the people I care and also for the infinite possibilities of the future. Who knows who will I meet tomorrow? Let me finish this post with a quote I like and I guess it simply reflects everything that I am working for currently.
Everytime you look at someone, there will almost always be someone else looking at you. I am painfully aware that not everyone is fortunate enough to be blessed with love, but let me at least be able to love you with everything that I have.
2 comments:
You seem to "need" people to rely on certain things while you can't trust them?
Ya, there are tonnes of insincere or even bad people in this world, almost everyone in this world..but lets start with.. I'm not a bad person (plz take bad as real bad person, let alone small little white lies), my fam aren't, and so with this person and that person.. You will end up realising that actually there are so many real good people around you..
It will be kind of hurtful for your real friends to read your post. Maybe it isn't due to your thinking that they might be fake, but is because you have doubts in them and don't even take them as somebdy important in your heart..while they take you as one true friend of theirs..
There's nothing wrong for getting cheated or backstabbed and hurt by somebody.. People might think we are a fool, but it is simply because we have faith in them and is them who ruined it, who will feel guilty and regret in the end of the day, when we can without any guilt carry on with our lives.
First of all, sorry bout the late approval as I don't check my blog so frequently nowadays. Thanks for the input! I will try to change my perception of people. Perhaps one day I will meet someone that slaps me awake and reveal all the good in this world.
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