Ending...for now

Little did I know, this blog is both my salvation and also my downfall. No, I did not get death threats, did not get fired from my job or lose any friends. Yet. Or they are damn good actors setting me up. Anyway, I realize that by blogging, I am feeding my negative emotions. When I blog, I tend to relive the 'event' in order to describe it as accurately as possible. That means I will remember my feelings and perhaps even intensify it as I write it out. Sort of like the 'counting' effect during an argument. They say the worst thing you can do is to count out all the bad stuff that you endured or suffered and magnify the scope of the argument. I guess I needed to chill out and reflect more often. Of course you will say that we tend to feel good after letting it all out but usually that involves another ear in the vicinity. You get instant feedback and it feels like your 'burden' gets shared. In the blog, there is only me, facing all the demons. So nothing gets resolved or dispersed. It also helps to have an outsider's opinion because you can be stuck in your own point of view and missed an important perspective. I am going to stop blogging about issues and problems for a while and try to blow off the steam somewhere else and see how things go. For all I know, I might be back here next week.

It is unavoidable that one may get annoyed at a daily basis. It is a fact of life, just like how everybody is different in the smallest of ways. Add to the daily challenges of work and unexpected events, you get a recipe of piping hot anger. I wish somebody could teach me about all this philosophies instead of me learning it the hard way. You always remember the difficulties you face so I guess you could say it is a lesson well learnt for a relatively small fee. I have come to terms about many things. But I also refuse to let go of many other things as well. Some I still believe in. Some I am just plain stubborn. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and the principles they live by right? If it is really wrong, let the law punish them. Otherwise it is just a matter of social acceptance. Since this is the reality that we cannot change, then the best way to handle things is to prevent them from happening in the first place. At the cost of having less friends at least you will not spend so much time and effort sorting relationships out. If everyone is a prick like where I am right now, then just choose those that are less prickish. Unless you have a very good reason, usually we do not hug cacti.

Before I sign off, there is something bugging me for a while. Most of you will just roll your eyes as I venture into the questions of life but this time, it might be interesting for everybody. If there really is hell, and hell serves as punishment, why do we have no memory of it? Basically punishment is to inflict a bad experience associated with something you did so that you will not attempt the same thing again. But if we do not remember what we did or the punishment, how are we going to learn? Hoping we will choose a different path by just wiping our memory is wishful thinking whereas completely destroying our existence after punishment is a waste. I mean why bother punishing if we are not allowed to repent? Might as well just throw us into oblivion from the get go. Unless, reincarnation never happens and we never get out of hell. I wonder if you will get reincarnated if you end up in heaven or not. Maybe you will be sent to Earth as a celestial superhero to bring good to humankind. Being a good soul naturally, you will end your 'tour' of Earth back in heaven after touching the lives of many others, acting on behalf of the powers that be. That will be a true test of faith since you will be wiped once you are sent to Earth. Will you be worthy of re-entry? If we treat souls as a limited resource, the system doesn't seem to be very fair. Well there is always Armageddon to reset things.

I was contemplating about my actions and karma and stuff and ended up with my personal take on heaven and hell. I find it quite interesting since it is a honest deduction from the logic of a non-believer. I do pray to the gods in Buddhism but not really religious. Gods are a symbol and I prefer to keep them as that. Even though I do ask for luck and pray when I am anxious, I have to argue it is just something for my mental state to fall back on. Holding everything in your hands is a very heavy burden. One can easily be crushed so usually we come up with a survival mechanism of sorts for our mind and soul. Soul is a touchy matter and I will leave it to a future post. The next one will hopefully be my month end post. I dare say that taking whey protein and multivitamins is one of the best body-building decisions I have made thus far. I do not think those products are very healthy in the long run so I intend to reduce my intake once I am done with my pursuit of strength. Yes, you can mark my words, I will stop. If you think that those stuff is making me go crazy recently, I have to disagree with that. They contain a lot of vitamins and stuff I have never even heard of, but hormones are not part of the prescription. This is not merely a mood swing phenomenon or mid-career crisis. I have barely started my career actually. There is still chance for a miracle to happen. Anytime now.