Loathsome people

I go to the gym to find my peace. To invest in something I believe in. Something that I know will not betray me in the future or end up being a waste of time. And I dedicate a lot of resources in it, trying to explore how far I can go. So why do you have to laugh about it? If I want to diet, it is my choice. Just because you are not able to, just because you do not agree, does that give you the right to simply step on my choice? Slender people cannot diet? Does that mean fat people cannot indulge? Are you crazy? Actually I think you are. Is it so hard to actually just say good morning? Do you find it cute that someone senior like you throws a piece of paper at a junior's head who is just minding his own business? Can't I just live my life normally? If you want me to greet you every morning, say so. If you think I am rude then say so. So you argue I could have did the same. What? Scream at you for being childish in front of 10 or so people who is minding their own business as well? I chose to ignore and curse at you silently. Do you want to criticize that too? It was your natural behavior. Why would I bother? It won't change anything but make us awkward.

Today a colleague voiced out the concern about promoting ideas and solutions that we ourselves think is not really that good. I understand that feeling. Why wouldn't I? After all, I was the one that went against a project arguably doomed for failure. Needless to say, I had no choice but to grit my teeth and try to make it work. And try I did. I came out with ideas and I told everyone. But it was ignored because I am just a programmer. So I am forever not entitled to voicing anything concerning the other aspects of a project or product? No, they said. Ideas are welcomed. But I guess they didn't tell me most of it will just be ignored. All my effort. All my patience. All those days trying to convince myself. Went down the drain. And nobody even batted an eyelid. Of course I was baffled. Then I asked around. And I wished I never got the answer. "It was a marketing tool. A gimmick". Does that mean you do not need to make it work? Does that mean results mean nothing? Just launching it and attracting a lot of attention is enough? What kind of a logic is this? Am I missing something because I am only a programmer?

How much more do people want to annoy me for no good reason. They are not even my friends for crying out loud. How hard is it for me to do the right thing. Again and again I swallow down my fury, maintain a proper appearance and deal with everyone naturally. Yes, besides feeling the duty to voice out my ideas, I want to avenge my ego, my pride and most importantly to just make them eat their words. I hate them. All of them who are stuck with their traditional way of thinking. If I am wrong, just tell me. If it is a good idea, just say so and I will be more inclined to throw out more. Why the flying expletive are you trying to put me down? I can no longer tolerate all the bottled up feelings. This roller coaster ride of sadness, self-pity and fury is what every other day in my life feels like. Friends that I care about wants me to make hard decisions. People I do not know wants me to get irritated. Fine then. I find this angry persona much more loveable than the soppy sad ones anyway.

I am not finished yet. There are also those that think being stuck in a dumb loop is cute. Stop complaining about being fat if you are going to eat that much. Stop complaining that there is no time to work if all you ever do is take hour long breakfasts and hour long tea breaks. How much time do you actually spend working? Do you understand you are dragging all of us down? How many times have I seen mistakes that inevitably end up in my mailbox just because I was the one that did it? I am not to blame god damn it. If my KPI gets a hit because of your shitty behavior you will not hear the end of it. And there are those that showcase their free time by spastic spamming my Facebook wall. How the hell can you even share 10 items in less than 10 minutes? I would rather look at what people had for lunch then suddenly 10 links from the same website. At least keep some variety for crying out loud. You already made your point that the website is awesome after your fourth consecutive share.

If some of you still do not get it yet, I remove you from my Facebook friend list to minimize our interaction only. I did not block any of you. You are welcomed to block me or send me a piece of your mind if you think my action is stupid, vulgar, childish or any combination of the three. Are we going to define our friendship through Facebook? By looking at pictures of each other's lunch? You have never said anything to me except commenting on some pictures and liking some posts. That is not even a proper conversation. And I don't even know what you like about those depressing posts. Is that friendship? How hard is it to call and meet up? How hard is it to just send SMS? Are those reserved only for your friends that are worth more than a few cents? And to the one who said I got angry because you sent a SMS, do not send one at 2-3am in the morning. For the love of god it was just a forwarded message you received that you think it is cute. I know you are free but I need to wake up early the next day. I do not understand you? Please. Do you even understand me?