Wishes

Have you wondered why we do not have magic or super powers? Take it in reverse, have you wondered what will happen if we have special powers? Most people would be dead already. Well, that may not happen because different laws will be made. But I am sure most of you have thought of erasing people. Or simply just to make things disappear. It wasn't until a few years back that I understand what those evil villains feel about eradicating humanity. All of us have been hurt by another person, directly or indirectly. Sometimes greater than the other. How many of you are actually waiting for the apocalypse? Or a zombie outbreak? This is not exactly wishing for death but just to change how the world works. We do not want to be the bad guy that nukes the world. Perhaps we are simply looking for a reason to be here. We do not desire a meaningless life but for now there is no purpose. I guess I should not be using 'we' but I think some people share the opinion. I was never joking when I said I needed psychiatric help. I am often afraid of my thoughts. Hurting people. Getting revenge. Bad stuff.

Do you know how irritating it is to find out that some people just get something you desire and take it for granted? Well shit like that happens everyday. The reason is simple. Only people who do not have it, know how valuable it is. Those who got it easily, will not understand our struggle for it. The object of desire can be something material or abstract. It could be a car. It could be acceptance or respect. I had the chance to get to know the boss of an acquaintance and it only highlights what I am missing. How can their boss, with such a high position have time to go for an outing with his subordinates and even personally buys the tickets? He is surely not Superman. But he is way better than what you are. He does not complain and does it voluntarily. Here I get comments about how long I write stuff. And I thought with your position, education and experience you would have mastered speed-reading. Camaraderie among colleagues? I think some of us don't even know the meaning of that word. Why is something so common, a dream for me?

Do you know the pain of missing something that only occurs once? Or perhaps the pain of always looking at the other path, knowing you will never walk it in this lifetime. Have you ever heard love at 18 only happens at 18? So you know the feeling of being in love at 18? How about 17? Or how about with that hidden crush of yours? I admit we can never walk all the paths. But it is a different thing altogether if you are forced into it by circumstance. You were never given the choice or the chance to try making the choice. Look back and think about how many things you missed so far. What was your secret ambition that you were forced to abandon? I am tormented by such thoughts every now and then. It only serves to make me much more bitter when I have tried so hard to make things work only to have it fail due to the actions of others. Look at what this world has become. Even effort is not reliable anymore. I have no idea what else to trust. So I will try everything. I will spare no expense. I will not suffer a second time if I am able to do so. I am so tired of this shit.