24/11/2007

Back home aledi...need sum time to get use to the environment here i guess...the food as well...went to toilet a few times aledi loh...slept a few hours earlier now suffering from headache...hahahah...i will get well soon nia...rest for tis weekend at least...then play play play!!!...i will seriously blog stuff tomolo hopefully...dun really feel like typing a lot now...gona go sleep early later...

23/11/2007

Aledi a day has passed since the last day of my first sem exams...now i sit in my room blogging after packing part of my stuff...hopefully i will depart tomolo morning...or afternoon the latest...today i hav juz spent the whole day playing around...tis time the group was nice...could click pretty well...but itz hard for us to come together often...anyhow i m too tired de...juz now was thinking if i shud do sumthing...but i think everything iz fine as it iz...okloh...after tis i will b blogging in my room de...hahaha bb nia...hope everyone will enjoy their holidays...n if those who seek to work, may it b fruitful as well as meaningful n smooth-sailing...

21/11/2007

Last day of my exams loo...a feeling of emptiness wells in my heart...hm...i cant really stay in the library any longer...even if i could...there iz nothing else left to do there...dun wana bother those studying for their last papers...a lot of ppl oso going back de...even wif a place to gather not many r interested to stick around...tis sem iz awfully quiet n boring...during first year it was fun to study there...got more ppl to kacau...more options...hahaha not limited to a few onli...i m not forced to mix wif ppl i dun like...tat crowd couldnt b replaced...even though got newcomers...hahaha normally they stay in their room no matter wat i say...i used to try encouraging them to come out to study in a group in the past...but it didnt worked...now i think i know why liao loh...hehe...still wan me to say it out clearly meh...i think my 'loyal' readers can figure it out de...to think the exam season of tis sem will end tis way...haihz...it had a terrible start...received a much more serious wound during recovery period summore...hahaha i m not talking bout my performance in the exams nia...how come it will end like tis...till now the message of sumone still rings in my head...'itz yur choice'...do i seriously hav a choice? i hav done everything tat i could aledi...i hav tried to forgive n forget...talking to them? do u think it would make a lot of difference? plz try to remember wat happened tat day...no matter how much i talked to them b4...hahaha it was a new way to inflict pain nia...it all started wif me waiting for sumone n miscommunication...then now it ends wif no one waited for me n oso miscommunication i guess...blame it on english mastery, forgetfulness or plain negligence? i hav nothing else to say aledi...my choice...if it was u...how would u hav reacted? dun juz talk from the side...try standing in my shoes...itz my choice to not talk to them? to no mix wif them? do u really think i can juz act like nothing happened n smile? itz not even a month after the incident...even if i wana forget oso not so fast gua...n i guess sum of u know tat i got angry wif sumone for almost a year b4...even if i forget aledi...can u guarantee tat i wont b reminded of the pain again?...nvr try nvr know ah? hahaha it wasnt u nia...easy for u to say...i m afraid...recently i received an emel about how life will end one day...how many ppl really cherish time n frens like tat? if u think i m lying or anything then itz ok...but i try to make everyday count...everything i do, i bear in mind if itz the last thing i do myself...or the last thing i do wif tat person..will i hav any regrets? i ask again...how many ppl out there think of time...think of ppl...n think of life like wat the emel said? or at the very least...think of those things as much as i do? sem1 second year of Tye King Wai 2007...iz going to end de...it iz veli tiring to think like tis in everything i do...but it makes me appreciate things more...ok loh...i better end here b4 i start cursing ppl wif death or sumthing...

20/11/2007

Finally finish another paper....i think tiz one iz the best so far de...for me lah...the paper iz veli veli subjective though...no one knows the actual answer to sum questions...all depends on own interpretation of the question and the scenario given...after tat spent whole day playing games...didnt touch any of the slides or notes...holiday mood liao loh...final paper on wednesday...after tat freedom...but after tat...watz next?...juz now was chatting wif sumone regarding the state of the community in the hostel...everyone iz separated de...dun hav one huge group anymore...all hav their own closed circle of frens...sum r stand-alones...both of us shared bout how life used to b in our past...surrounded by ppl...going out together...doing things together...those feelings kenot be felt anymore here...dun hav a sense of togetherness anymore...erm...at least for both of us lah...mayb sum of u out there r pretty satisfied wif the way things r right now in the hostel...haihz...oh yeah...i think the contents of tis blog iz leaking around de...or mayb i m juz thinking too much...an unexpected sms came yesterday...it iz sumhow related to one of my posts earlier...not tat i really care bout tis but...wouldnt it be wonderful if things would change naturally? tatz the best way right? hehehe...for sumone to behave in a different manner juz bcoz they know bout the contents of tis blog...dont make me feel better one bit...in fact i might think why fake it? might make me more upset wen u bring me hope then send it crashing to the ground once more...tatz wat most ppl do to me T_T...wat shud i do now....hopefully i wont bow down to pressure n do sumthing i will regret in the future...i juz wana say tis to sum ppl out there...the disappointment iz too deep...even if a lot of time has passed...or more things happen...there iz nothing more between us...i cant permit myself to forgive everyone once more n clear an opening juz to get stabbed at again....but i still care for everyone...even if there r no more words between us...i hope tat all of u will hav better days ahead...if there r any problems n onli i could do sumthing about it...then try asking...doctors heal even enemies right? but if i find out all of tis iz a trick...or a part of a plan...i dunno lah...everything tat has happened is due to the true nature of everyone...no matter wat, nothing will change...how they act, how they talk, how they think as well as how they treat me...mayb they can fake it for a while but in the end the result will b the same...if i hav forgiven sum of them sumhow in the future...i know tat i will end in heartbreak once more...as of now i will follow my ultimatum as closely as possible...if there r no frens suitable for me to mix wif...then so be it..i will live the best i could by myself till the day i find my frens...

Tis iz wat the recent events hav made me think...
If you really wanted me as a fren, you would hav treated me better. You would hav brought me closer. In the end, i m juz an 'option' right? I am optional. Not required. Not necessary. Not a priority. Not cared for. I am juz around to make a crowd. Everything is fake. I was juz dreaming wen i tot i found sumone to be wif. Somethings are not meant to come true.

18/11/2007

I m blogging in sumone else's home now...too tired aledi...continue tomolo lah...hahaha...today study a bit...chatted a bit wif sum fren...i think i scared her away nia...hahahha...thanx for trying..meant a lot to me nia...thanx a lot..less than a week left b4 i go back ipoh...i will persevere sumhow...

17/11/2007

Saturday looo...sumhow no mood to study at all today...instead went around playing...life here bcomes more boring...i think i actually regret working so hard for PKK...doesnt justify my life here...living in senior block doesnt seem so bad now...internet connection iz terrible...playing dota not tat important in my life anymore...i still depend on it for entertainment...guess i really shud stop entirely now...today actually no mood to play dota...itz juz a socialising tool back in ipoh...watz the use here now?...sure i managed to secure a win in a tournament last year wif a group of frens...fame? yeah...but along wif it iz the pressure...i juz wana live my life normally...i juz wanted to test my skills in a real competitive environment...i dun really care if ppl forget tat i actually win tat one...it would hav been for the better...sum ppl fear playing wif me...sum of them take pride in defeating me...my bad temper oso grew due to tis game...but i kenot find any substitution here...due to the lack of on9 services i cant chat wif ppl...yes, chatting wif ppl iz enuf reason for me to not play nia...i wana talk so much...talk bout anything at all...talk bout how lunch tasted bad...how the weather seems strange nowadays...how the last paper was a disaster...i wana share...i wana connect...but it seems almost impossible here...looking for ppl in the rooms? doesnt feel right...seems as though i m bothering them...but no one gathers at the foyer anymore...now exam season...everyone go to the library...but even so ppl go there to study...even if they gossip...it would b in mandarin..today sumone who juz finished the exams came to the library n taunted us...ok tat sumone iz female...my blood was boiling...i was veli veli pissed off...why u ask? it was a joke right? to me it iz not...due to my lack of interaction of females up to form 6...i hav full respect to almost any girl...i will try my best not to hurt, betray or sabotage her...wen she taunted i could do nothing...i nvr did tat even wen i hav 10 days of rest...but even if i did, it was during free time...not wen sumone else iz studying...truth be told, i hav no time to rest at all...my last programming project took most of my time...it was hard doing tat...the incidents tat happened around me doesnt make things any easier...so i hate tat girl now...the one who taunted me juz now...i nvr expected her to do so...in my eyes she was a decent girl...notice the word 'was'...now...ceh...disgusting...to commit such a childish act...it was aledi hard to do my best n hold on for so long...i was aledi tired...n she juz had to laugh at me from a faraway place...haihz...the loneliness iz biting harder everyday at my heart...almost crashed my motor a few times today as well...i really wanted to talk to a few ppl...sumhow i felt they were the onli one i can connect to...or at least they hav not hurt me...i can juz complain bout my life...but they hav no obligation to talk to me nia...they are...after all...not really a fren i guess....even though they hav reassured me tat v r frens...but not at a high lvl loh...more than juz hostel mates...but sumthing less than a true fren...my frenship wif them...iz not as strong as their frenship wif other ppl...they dun hav a lot of time for me...how can i get ppl to be wif me? izzit a problem at my side?...sumtimes they dun get on9...even if they did, sum wont message me or mayb itz juz the stupid connection preventing them from doing so...hahaha i m defending other ppl again...they deserve the benefit of a doubt though...the connection iz really tat bad...so wen i cant get to them on9 do i sms them frequently? they got their own life n their own frens...bothering them juz for my own selfish purposes? my consciousness dont let me do sumthing like tat nia...izzit a stupid way of thinking? shud i put more priority over myself? hahaha...why bother thinking for others wen none think of u right?...melancholy...the hatred n anger a few days ago turned to bitterness n disappointment...izzit tat juz bcoz they r the popular group so i hav to ignore my own true feelings, be patient n juz smile wen they drive a knife through me?...all the fun things onli occur around them...i hav thinked about wat others tat r not wif the popular group do most of the time? they hang out wif coursemates...hm...my coursemates all not staying in UKM de...next...they go back home during weekends...my home in ipoh...how to go back home every week?...but even if i go back home i think i will oso feel lonely...i wana b wif ppl...ppl tat i like...mayb i m too greedy...to be wif ppl tat i enjoy being wif...hahaha...i guess i shud go sleep now aledi nia...dunno wat i m talking about aledi...blur blur...almost 4 am liao...everyday oso like tis...no supper today oso...haihz...life iz indeed difficult...next sem gona b more cham...more terrible...there will b more suffering...PKK stuff...i hate it...wana cry de...no...not wana cry...dunno how to describe tis feeling...hopelessness...?

16/11/2007

Hm...a day after the emotional outburst...hahaha learnt one thing...punching the wall helps...managed to calm me down...but veli painful loh...physically =_=..today iz a veli bad day...lack of sleep...severe lack of sleep...no thanx to sum inconsiderate ppl who make noise...sum even put firecrackers...i was veli bad tempered the whole day...punched the wall again...wat can i do? scold ppl ah? we live in the same place...haihz...to think i need to spend another sem in tis place...cant even study properly...time iz getting short...if i got the money i would hav moved to the senior block instead...wif the money i can go get myself a private wireless connection...at least at the senior block no one to disturb me...in a bad way of course...but even if i live here...how many ppl actually knocked on my door to chat? juniors mostly surprisingly...then today i take back my words from first year...'in UKM, u will nvr supper alone'...today i juz did...not exactly alone but i did went out alone...once there was lucky enuf to find sum 'free' coursemates...didnt sit together though but one of them actually came over to chat a bit...tis iz fren loh...too bad he staying outside...then later he returned to his housemates...oh yeah...by 'free' i mean single n available...got summore wif their partners...n tonight got a lot of girls nia...duno why...i think got at least 2 tables full wif pretty girls onli...no boys...hahaha...luckily i my hair didnt look tat bad...hopefully....as i was waiting for my order to come...i checked around...got a lot of couples nia...i like to see wen the girl will laugh while watching the movie then juz purposely look at her bf...then oso got one couple who juz arrived holding hands then the group aledi sitting there were pointing fingers...hahaha the couple juz blushed a bit n joked around....the girl was smiling widely...well after i finished my business i went back n tried to finish up my revision...was behind schedule nia...i hav lived my life totally alone in the hostel...onli talking to sum ppl occasionally onli..but even then oso dun feel tat comfortable...tat one special case...normally juz say hi...tatz all...most of the ppl tat r active...erm meaning tat actually get out from their rooms...they r involved wif the incident sumhow...so i dun hav much options left...the juniors r in a world of their own...juz now even in the library as i was sitting by the side...not many ppl went over n messed wif me...mayb it was bcoz i dun look too frenly...well i was cranky...but even then oso i know tat i can nvr fit into their group...as they chatted away i dun know wat they say...coz they were talking in mandarin...i m the odd one here...i went for lunch alone, dinner alone...n now even supper alone...sumthing tat i tot will nvr happen...hahaha n i tot i was making progress wif my social life tis sem...i think i hav taken a step backwards instead...retreated further...i guess the onli thing i can hold on to iz the story of an anime character...her family was killed wen she was 8...the last words from a close fren of hers b4 his death 'no one iz borned to be alone in tis world...go n find your nakama!!'...erm nakama in japanese means sumthing like a mix of friend n comrade...a relationship deeper than juz a normal friend but not as formal as a comrade...so she travelled the world alone being hunted by the government...ppl everywhere betrayed her for the reward money issued...she trusted no one...20 years later, at 28 years old now a stunning beauty she found a group...she wasnt tat sure at first but decided to juz stick around since she got nowhere to go...later the government finally caught up to her...then tat same group decided to oppose the government juz to save her...finally she realized she iz not alone in tis world anymore...wen supporters of their cause said they juz destroyed part of the government's elite forces...the leader of the group replied 'we were juz taking back our nakama'...one day i will find my group...one day...at least i m not yet 28...hehehe...good things will come to those who wait? hopefully...but i m not the kind of person wif a lot of patience nia...

15/11/2007

Another day passed by...today whole day oso feel tired nia...at least got study a bit...whew...tis time i got a lot to say oso...but i think i will go on wif the small issues first...how come no one goes supper anymore? Juz now i was chatting wif a fren regarding tis..compared wif our first year, first sem tis time the supper frequencies r pathetic...wat the hell actually happened? Even among the seniors there r cracks tis year...everyone not so close anymore...everything iz changing...so far i dun think i hav really said no to supper without a valid reason b4....n by supper i mean going OUT of UKM to eat...going to neighbouring hostels n eating their food doesnt count..at least for me...i dun like their food as well as the others...i hav onli rejected supper due to morning classes the next day...now there r no more classes...but ppl wana study nia...ok loh...but wen u say no mood...sumhow i dun really comprehend...i tot no mood onli go out for a spin, chat n laugh...try to relax a little n escape from yur worries for a while...mayb ppl dun view supper like i do...how many nights hav i been trying to sleep wif a near-empty stomach...cheezels or biscuits could onli hold a bit nia...n i dun think i need to diet...wen feel hungry juz eat loh...but eating alone...even in supper? i hav been eating alone for lunch n dinner...i dun wana b alone even in supper nia...luckily today got sum company for dinner though...hm...alone...tis time i wont say how terrible i feel nia...i know there r ppl out there who suffered worse than i do...mayb they lost frens in a war or disease or sumthing...i got no one to lose to begin with...no tat i wana lose anyone...i oso dunno wat i talking about de...to hav n lose it iz worse than to not hav it at all? i kenot really answer tat question...i think it all depends on how u think or view things nia...ok..time for the next one nia...tis one...i think will connect wif a lot of things nia...sumtime ago i was trying to hint a bit to sumone about the blog...but i nvr expect tat the person would be so respectful of my privacy n did not ask anything about it...i respect tat...i wouldnt hav known earlier...i juz tot tat perhaps we can b frens again...as a lot of stuff happened between both of us b4...then now almost 1 sem of minimal contact...n both of us oso kinda lonely n isolated...except tat the person got a partner de...ok, put tat aside, the thing iz there r other ppl who overheard me talking bout the blog n started to ask around...tis iz putting a burden to those who knew bout tis blog aledi...haihz...if they could get watever they know about me in the blog then they dun need to talk to me anymore liao loh...itz not like they will talk bout the things in tis blog wif me...furthermore i heard tat sum of the ppl related to the incident a week oso wana peek inside my thoughts...i wont blame any of u if u decided to tell them...juz dun like spread it around...if they ask n u feel they need to know...then give them lah...if i feel the need i will juz start another blog sumwhere i guess...so...the following part iz about the incident last week...i think i didnt really list down all my reasons for my anger nia...n yes...the feelings still reside in me...there is no way i can forget it in so short time especially wen entertainment, fun n frens are in such rare quantity...juz seeing any of u...will remind me of exactly how i felt last week...tat day...the rest of us who r worried for the absence of sum ppl waited for a long time...v seriously tot they forgot bout the time, got lost or sumthing...1 hour+ i think...on top of tat, i was hit by a stomachache...as tat it was getting late n the shops r closing...it wouldnt be surprising to find the toilets locked...so i juz tried my best to keep it in...why didnt i go to the ktm station toilet then? It was the last train...if it suddenly went crazy n arrived earlier while i m still in there then how? wat the others shud do? wait for me or get on the last train? if u dare guarantee tat the train will onli b later than the scheduled time then nothing else i can say...i juz heard tat one of the fellas waiting wif us mentioned tat the train sumtimes will arrive early....u know how humiliating it will b if me, sumone approaching the age of 21, soiled his pants? i m going to ride a ktm back home...how will i smell in such a small place? not to mention tat all of our worries...our sincere care for their sake n safety were wasted wen later it was revealed they got back on an earlier train to prepare for a party tat i missed later...sure they messaged me tat there iz gona b a party n dun tell the celebrated one wen they left us during dinner...n by tat i tot they were shopping for goods...they said they were buying sumthing wen one of us ask them...ask anyone out there if they would hav known by tat message wat the main plans r...but even if i knew...how can i leave those who were sincerely waiting for them? i dunno lah...wat shud i hav done?...i hold in a stomachache, i wasted more than an hour juz to find out tat i hav been brushed aside again...i cant even sit during the ktm trip back to UKM...we even had to wait for a second round of taxis to take us back to the hostel...wen the taxi arrived i dashed for the toilet...sumhow i felt i got talked bout the rest of the story b4 but i will continue juz in case...after tat i went to take a bath as well..took around 30 minutes nia...came back to my room to see my hp wif 3 missed calls i think...then it rang again...i looked for my headphone...i tot i told the caller that my hp iz busted b4...he hang up...then i smsed wassup? he replied a while later...'nothing liao. end joh.'...so i asked...wat end joh?...'bday party'...i was devastated then...no one asked bout where i m, no one waited for me...i m sure got ppl inform tat i was suffering from a stomachache..i dunno how to react de...still holding the hp in my hand i watched sum ppl play badminton...then they oso finish their game...i juz sit in my room...soon after...a bigger blow came...those fellas tat i was watching them play badminton...they went for the party after taking a bath...no one told me the party was still on...no one smsed...later wen i checked in frenster for pictures...there were so many ppl...none of them cared for me...hatred iz all i hav now...n they were smiling in the pictures as well...no one knew how i felt back in my room...no one could possibly understand...'end liao'...will u go even after receiving a message like tat?...i dun care if any of u forget bout my bday...it iz expected aledi...but how can u make me missed sumone's bday party instead? Mayb sum of them know i m not around for a reason but wat about the others? wat will they think?...izzit really tat no one asked where i m?...so my image in their minds iz tat of a cold n introverted person?...tat i dun even bother coming to a bday party of sumone i knew?...I WANTED TO COME dammit...i cant even wish the person face to face wen i could hav...no point sms a message aledi loh...now how m i supposed to sleep wen i m so angry now...honestly i was hoping for the day wen sum of u wana confront me bout wat i wan or wat i feel...then i can juz blow up n let everything out...i can cut off our frenship properly as well if needed...like i said in the previous post...it iz my ultimatum...i dont care anymore...today i played dota again even though i juz complained bout it yesterday...but there is nothing much i can do to relax in the hostel...i dun hav frens to chat wif..n i m lazy to study...i m contradicting myself...izzit acceptable to say tat the person who accompanied me to dinner wanted to play dota so i juz joined in?...to force me to go back on my words...all tis anger n hatred...wat can i do about it? punch the wall? throw the chair? cry in my bed? no...it wont work...the pain wont go away...i juz wan sumone to lean on...sumone to understand...sumone to help me...sumone to stop me from falling deeper...sumone to care for me...sumone...sumone to talk wif.

14/11/2007

I oso dunno wat to say aledi...wat kind of a day iz today...dunno how to describe...sad, boring, pointless...in the end itz a very negative day hahaha...yesterday couldnt blog again...the net iz down...the paper was average...almost didnt have enough time to finish it...but as always even if u give me another day to study i would hav done no better...i dun really remember how the rest of the day went...juz tat at night i was back to my old self again...i played dota wif sum ppl...i shouldnt even hav played in the first place...i shud hav noticed i wasnt welcomed to play...in the end my temper got the better of me...i guess i still cant accept tat there r such simple ppl or tat other ppl think so differently from me...mayb i m juz too self-centered...tat my way of thinking iz the correct way to go? Look at wat it has done to me as well as the ppl around me...i dunno who to blame de...izzit due to myself? Tat most of everything tat happened iz due to myself? Izzit really true tat sum things dont really matter or iz not such a big problem?...b4 going to tat i juz wana say being in the dota champion team has put such big pressure in every game tat i played...everyone iz expecting me to perform well...tat i m the 'professional'...if i did badly they will tease n talk a lot of bad things...i m oso a human...they r expecting me to win in every game tat i play wif any teammates...therefore i took it too seriously...i always take every game seriously...i yell at ppl tat made me lose the game...coz the pressure iz not on them...ppl aledi know them as 'noobs' or inexperienced players...them losing iz acceptable...i dun really know the meaning of playing for fun aledi...sumtimes i wonder...was it the wrong thing to do? to participate in the tournament?...would it hav been better if i remain an unknown?...sum ppl r veli proud wen they kill my hero in the game...izzit tat i cannot be killed by normal means ah?...i dunno lah...furthermore i hold time more closely than a lot of things in my life...time passed by once in yur life onli...even if i hav 100 more years to go, i kenot turn back time..i m growing older everyday...a lot of opportunities flew past me everyday as well...the game yesterday cost me an hour...so i used an hour in my life juz to let ppl win?...itz not even a tough match...there r certain matches where even if u lose, u lose wif a smile...u lose wif respect to other ppl....but i onli feel disgust...an hour i can do so much...part of my anger iz tat i should hav known better than to play...but the situation at tat time...if onli i could record it down...i was juz sitting there minding my own business wen one of them juz jumped on the bed n say he didnt wana play...i was the onli one goyang there...i fell for the trap =_=...in tat hour i could hav done a lot of things...things tat would hav made me happy instead...even juz lying on my bed listening to music n kacau sum ppl using sms iz better than tis....ok...now for the main point...sum ppl still dun get why i m so angry wif the incident regarding a missed bday party...the truth iz i kenot celebrate it wif the person again...next sem i go LI liao loh...n then itz different...i hav missed the person's bday party as of 2007...even if i celebrate wif the person later, or next year assuming i made it back sumhow during LI...it wouldnt be the same...the same ppl, the same environment...everyone will b different then...everything will not b the same...tat memory i can nvr hold in my heart...tis iz the extent tat i view things in my life...everything tat happens...i hold it closer 10 times more than anyone i know...if it hurts it hurts 10 times more...if it makes me happy, i will truly b happy...but i will remember it all...life is so short...none of my frens sticked around for more than 3 years before...i hav to cherish all the time i hav wif them...v dunno wen any1 of us will b gone due to unforeseen circumstances....tis is onli one of the reasons i m so angry wif the incident anyway...i think i covered the rest of the reasons in a previous post...if i can nvr fit in to any group...if it will onli brings me pain...if trusting sumone will onli bring disappointment...then forget it...i will live my life alone if i hav to...tis is my ultimatum.

12/11/2007

Wah...aledi monday liao...hahaha...actually now iz still sunday midnight...the internet connection iz busted again..sien...i m currently blogging in the library...feeling kinda hungry...the dinner wasnt tat filling...mayb i juz hav a gigantic appetite...hahaha...now onwards to sumthing i wanted to say since yesterday...the same feeling not so long ago came back...ok i need to start from the beginning i guess...i liked a girl in tis uni since the middle of tis sem...i wrote tis down in the frenster blog b4...i knew her for a while aledi but didnt hav any feelings until i saw...or perhaps felt sumthing one day tat totally changed my view n opinion of her...but i oso know sumone else loved her earlier than i did...perhaps even more than me at tat time...the feelings during tat time was hard to bear but i juz havto let it go...i cant do anything...i hav accepted the fact tat i cant b wif her but i still liked her...i wasnt tat sure of my feelings yet..so kept on using the word 'like' instead...perhaps i juz view her as a good fren to be wif or a sister??..however i do feel envy as well as joy around her...hahaha to think tat i could love sumone again was kinda great...even though it wont be a fairytale ending but it was enuf for me at tat time...but even so i realised i was getting kinda attached to her de...so i wanted to pull away...a lot of things were storming through my mind...events happening around me in the hostel as well my projects n assignments made things worse...i tried to persevere as best i could...i was driven close to breaking down numerous times...was involved in an accident as well...the stress, the pressure...everything rained down on me...tears couldnt even form fast enuf to wash away my sadness b4 more things happened...finally it was study week break..i can go back my home for the first time tis sem...to b away from everything...i tot i could totally wipe her away from my mind as her relationship wif another guy grew stronger everyday...i had similar experience wif sumone else b4 so i guess i could handle it nia...as i went back uni...feelings still there but not as strong joh...it was good i guess..but i cant even sustain any relationship wif her anymore as we grew more distant from each other...i dun even know how to talk to her anymore...mayb itz best not to bother her nia...well a lot of things happened n days passed...then i watched the movie 'Stardust'...in the movie i fell in love wif 'Yvaine'...after watching it i tot i liked the actress n searched for her details n pictures but...i realised i wasnt...i juz simple liked the character...she showed me how love iz supposed to be...n i think tat my love for the girl iz not so strong if a comparison was made...even though itz juz a movie, but wen sumone can think of it then it means it iz indeed possible...at least the writer of the script view love between 2 ppl shud be like tat...n i agree as well...if i pursued her last time wen i had the chance i dun think i can reach the lvl of tristan n yvaine...hm...how shud i say it more clearly...i feel tat if i watched the movie wif her, i would hav felt envy of the love between tristan n yvaine...understand mah??...i think i would hav wished tat i could hav found sumone like yvaine instead...YEAH!! tatz the correct way of putting it...i m not really compatible wif her even though i understand a bit bout her...she iz a city girl while i m a country boy...she eats in expensive restaurants while i think i ate in Secret Recipe once onli so far...i cannot give her the happiness tat she wants from the relationship nor can i feel the joy of being wif her...mayb comparing real-world ppl to movies iz bad eh?...one day i will find my star...sumone tat no one else can substitute...or i would rather be alone perhaps...i dun wana force myself to accept anyone...love in desperation or loneliness onli ends in sadness for both sides...i think tis time i was desperate for sumone...well it iz a valuable lesson...hopefully there will b more movies like 'Stardust' to remind me of my true feelings as well as how love iz supposed to be...sounds naive? juz let me be...wakakakaka....now juz like b4...
the feelings u had for me i will return it all in due time,
while the feelings i had for u iz gone, washed by the rain, blown by the wind,
therefore as of now, as of tis moment, i love u no more.

wah....feels great after saying tis all out...tis kinda stuff needs to b put in a blog...telling ppl juz doesnt feel right...i need to add another thing onto my necklace to remember tis...even if itz not to remember her, it iz to remember bout yvaine...i will compare how i felt towards having sumone like yvaine by my side wif any future interest nia~~...tis iz my decision...i will not regret it even if i hav to graduate without anyone special by my side...but graduating alone or not iz another story altogether...i will leave it to another day lah~~ hehehe....tomolo exam at 3.30pm nia...

10/11/2007

Another day has passed me by...didnt really do anything productive today...juz studied a bit..nothing really happened today as well...most of the day spent in room...but sumhow the mood today was kinda bad...didnt really lash out at others though...but i was swearing mentally...hahaha...to the on lying in bed having a fever right now...hope u get well soon nia...one of the worse things tat could happen to a student iz getting sick during exam season...dun rush things...it might get worse...wait till u get better nia...wonder wat got to u...u were still running around a few days earlier...if ppl say pressure or depression then i shud b the one lying down not u ler...hahaha...ok ok it was a bad joke...i guess itz no surprise tat ppl will wonder how come i care so much? itz not like u r available or anything...n surely i understand tat right? yeah...i guess so..i hav no intention of doing stuff of tat kind...itz juz tat i hav no one else to care about...tatz one way to put it...or perhaps i will act the same if i could towards others wen they fall sick?? dun really know for now...but i juz follow wat my heart says wif a bit of thinking...heart says help...brain thinks how loh...wakakaka...last time wen i was involved in an accident...finally i can come up wif a great excuse...even if i told u...wat can u do to help me? in the end i will onli make u worry bout me...hahaha..the most u can do iz wish i will get well soon...not tat i dun appreciate it but i know none of u will wish me otherwise right? so without u all saying anything i myself will think tat everyone is waiting for me to get back up....mayb i m juz lying to myself T_T....ok ok no more negative thoughts...time to go sleep loh...wat a boring friday...haihz..pasar mlm back in ipoh nia...tonight no supper oso...wonder if the stars r shining brightly?? hehehe...

9/11/2007

Hm...another day has ended...today iz considered to b a great day de....got off to a routine start loh...wake up then went on9...kacau around for a bit b4 going to eat...after eating came back kacau ppl more...didnt really wana study...but i shud b starting de...hahaha...then sumone invited me over as company...i gladly agreed as i cant study in my room...but dun wana go library as it iz smelly...the air-conditioning busted...went there n talked a bit b4 proceeding to mind own business...she got her report i got my reading to do...midway through sumone came in...later on after 2 hour i almost settle my reading..at least for the evening..cant study continously for too long...i was juz sitting there idly then onli i realized the true situation i m in...a guy n a girl in a place...hahaha....didnt really think of it tat way wen i first arrived earlier...well there iz nothing between me n her...at least for me i think there iz nothing...i dun think i really give any positive hints...i dun really find her frequently...tis time i juz tot i wana hav a break from everyone n i havent really chat wif her for a long time de...so there goes my evening...then went for dinner not long afterwards...after tat played sum game n went to eat tong yuan...hm...i m not really a fan of tong yuan...but eat for fun i guess...furthermore a lot of ppl there nia...went there sat near a corner wif a fren or 2 n chatted away...ignorant to everything tat happened a few days ago...dun wana involve innocent bystanders...after tat a lot of ppl left...sum went to study...sum hav better things to do it seems...onli a few seniors remain...sum of the continued to chat wif juniors while i talked bout the good old days wif another fellow senior...we talked bout how everyone used to b more frenly n outgoing...where v rule the foyer...how 3-4 ppl grew to a crowd... how v can chat for hours...now no more liao loh..the bonds between us seemed so thin aledi...haihz...at least i can find sumone tat share the same view nia...later on a fren staying outside came nia...actually i asked him to come earlier de...i dun think anyone else would hav tot of informing him...like i said...the bonds r growing thinner day by day...once he came, the talking went up several lvls...in the end onli 3 of us left...still v continued to talk n laugh..it has been a long time since i laughed like tat nia...where every joke landed at the right spot...then it was time to go supper...tatz the best part de...along the trip we still talked crap...once we arrived...i was really glad wen one of them asked bout the events tat happened 2 days ago...i got to talk n they gave neutral comments...they were understanding...hahaha v even discussed bout how to hold a stomachache...in the end...one word juz mattered...'so u muz be feeling kinda isolated'...walao...the sword in my heart juz got pulled out...everything lifted...tonight wen i stare up the stars it was the same view...but wif a different feeling...amidst all the jokes there were a certain amount of seriousness but then it ended wif talking rubbish again...tis iz the kind of ppl i wana spend time wif...laughter was nvr in short supply...can talk serious stuff as well as funny stuff...i told them it was like i m living outside even though i m still in the hostel...hahaha...anyway we kept on n on bout other things...finally wen v r tired de decided to go back loh...as a wave goodbye i entered wen can i experience stuff like tis again...hav been talking n laughing for almost 5 hours...thrown studies n projects out the window...but today iz enuf to keep me going hopefully till the end of the sem...then mayb can do tis once more b4 going back to our respective hometown n prepare for second sem~~...hehehe...

8/11/2007

Finally most of my current project finish liao...functional de...error checking oso mostly done i guess...and yet there iz no happiness or joy...no sense of closure or freedom...today iz the aftermath of yesterday...the feelings still burn inside of me...at least sum misunderstanding hav been cleared regarding innocent bystanders...so now i understand more who to hate aledi...muahahaha...juz joking lah...ask yurself..do i look like tis kind of person mah??...haihz...no one to celebrate wif, no one to go supper wif...no one who understands how much effort i put into the project...coursemates? tis project iz like competition between everyone nia...who does the best will score the highest n the rest will b judged based on tat standard...i dun think i shud juz go around n tell them i hav finished...first of all, it would b like bragging...secondly, it serves me no purpose of doing so...i cant let them copy...if they know i finish de sure ask one...now alone in my room listening to the rain drops fall down...all alone...not many ppl r on9..at least those i m hoping to see are not...who else do i hav in UKM anywayz...not juz in UKM...in my life...all tis while i m juz holding on to memories of ppl nia...right now...right here...i hav no one...i know my family will always b there for me...but i dun think they can help wif my situation...even if they wana give advice oso hard leh coz they dunno or dun understand entirely...i got no frens...no partners..not even an ex-girlfren...perhaps there r ppl willing to listen or willing to help...but the situation denies them the capability...for instance, they cant go on9...perhaps u might wonder why i nvr sms or call...well the same reason why most ppl nvr sms or call me i guess...dun wana bother ppl gua...however i m always hoping tat ppl will sms me...no one ever called me to chat b4 i think...my frenship wif everybody iz not tat strong...i think there iz no 'bother' between frens? how hard izzit to reply? how much does it cost to reply an sms? wan me to pay u to reply me mah?? hahahaha...tis few words bring back a lot of terrible memories...as for me i state here n now...unless my phone iz destroyed, i dun hav credit, i m occupied or away from my phone i will always reply...back to the main point...well being on9 shows tat u r free n available to talk i guess...tatz why ppl normally chat on9...but sum ppl r terrible in the way tat they lie bout their status...sum put bz wen they r not...as for me, i seldom forget bout changing my status except i was in a hurry...wen it shows i m on9 means i m on9...wen it shows i m bz means i m bz..wen it shows i m away means i m away...easy to understand right?...but i guess they hav their own reasons...i m subconsciously defending them even now...argh...how many ppl is as kind in a stupid way as i m?...i guess itz a self-defence mechanism...i try to convince myself tat the ppl around me iz not as bad as i think they r....i think i m going to go crazy nia...i feel sorry for myself...the person who said tat happy things will happen tomorrow obviously forgot bout the possibility tat things will get worse as well...a new dawn, a new hope...wat if yur hopes get smashed most of the time?...2 more weeks till i can go back home...wat then? will it b better? a month...then second sem liao...i cant even imagine how second sem will b like...

7/11/07

Wheee...today iz a meaningful day nia...didnt do much of my project...but went to watch Stardust nia at midvalley wif a group of frens!!!...Yvaine iz so beautiful!! the story iz so good!! funny n nice!!..the romance part iz great!! Hahahah...a few years ago i dunno how to appreciate romance yet nia...coz i nvr experienced love or dunno the definition of love yet...now after a lot i feel i can understand a part of it de...but i still havent been in a relationship b4 nia...love sumone got lah...anywayz i will remember the story as long as i could...but so many great movies r coming out...tis sem break i m gona stock up on dvds...now my home finally got dvd player nia..last time rely on my old ps2 as well as my laptop...if possible i wana watch Stardust again...let it remind me bout the beauty of love once more...n see Yvaine in action again~~..her smile, her hair...brilliant gold!! so straight n soft...if i could run my fingers through such hair...if she would cut it..i dun even wana imagine...so hard to grow it so long nia!!!...now i think i know the problem wif my hair de...itz not soft enuf...tatz y itz always out of control...no need to do rebonding lah...let me try making my hair soft n manageable first...hehehe...all the good stuff iz over..now to the bad...i missed out on an event de...so many ppl aledi know my phone iz not in perfect condition yet they call me...sum knew i had sumthing else to do but nvr spoke up...n finally they decided to keep things from me wen they know it will hurt me more...but the fact iz...by u keeping...u think i would hav felt better? especially wen i know the truth?...u think u r making things better?...nvr heard of 'better late than never?'...if i rejected u myself then u nvr mind lah...wen things r actually getting better...the peace always get shattered...now i dunno how to feel anymore...i m writing tis wif a surprisingly calm emotion...i guess tis was bcoz my plans were too perfect? i wanted to distance myself from tis group...the group tat hurts me over n over again...so now itz tat effective tat no one cares bout me anymore...i m not needed anywhere, my presence iz not important...no more frens...juz sumone tat lives in the same hostel...everyone...if u hav taken tis step...if u really dun wana care for me anymore...stop giving me hope...stop acting as though u regret wen u obviously dont...u r like healing an injury juz to stab at it again...u know how despicable n low tat tactic iz? why dont u juz end it once n for all?...try telling the girl u love...tat u love her then throw her aside...moments later u said u were juz kidding then u said gimme a chance...the girl loves u...so one more chance...then u throw her away again...over n over again she accepted u n u denied her...u think tatz veli bad right? think bout yurselves...to even b associated wif ppl like tis...ceh....today i hav experienced the joys of being single as well as the joys if i found my partner...by being single, i can admire the beauty of others as well as experience various love stories so tat i can b a better lover perhaps? hehe...by being wif a partner, u can share so many things...n u know (in my case) she wont ever betray u....hopefully lah...hahaha...she will b there to comfort u, to share yur happiness, to walk wif u...how come tonight no stars shining geh? hehehe....

6/11/2007

Ok i wana break the habit of sleeping after 4am....now iz onli 2.30..hehehe will go sleep soon..today iz a bad day...i m kinda tired...but not sleepy...kenot concentrate on my work either...so didnt do much...if i m sleepy i could hav slept..but i dun feel sleepy...so i tried doing my work...coz the project iz due during one of my papers...havto finish earlier...didnt do much as well...one whole day waste joh...haihz..there goes my 1 day of rest i planned earlier...coz i was planning to finish the project in 5 days, do revision for 4 days while play 1 day...nvr mind lah...think of it as money saved i guess...watz the difference of watching a movie in midvalley alone n watchin the movie later through dvd??....timelength i guess...it will b long b4 they release a dvd wif good quality...argh!!! feel veli sien now...veli stressed...veli terrible...juz now chat wif a senior who graduated tis year...she talked bout memories...then i thought of a cool quote...here goes : memories are entries in a diary titled 'Life'...but as she talked more on the topic i started to feel uncomfortable...dunno why...mayb i disagree wif her point of view? Memories...to me are events in yur life tat made a mark in yur existence...it influenced u sumhow...consists of moments...a small time frame in yur life tat either makes u happy or sad in general...can b recalled through momentos...items tat happen to b around wen the memory was made...hahaha...tat definition of momento i take from an anime de...seems veli true n meaningful...mayb my own definition iz wrong...wat are memories? wat are my memories? she kept on saying bout those events tat will make u smile wen u think about it later...sure...i got a lot...but most of it end in sadness...back in primary school i got a group of frens so close we did a lot of things together...we did stupid things as well as meaningful things...we made nicknames for each other...but it all ended in a tearful farewell wen 1 from the group hav to follow his family elsewhere...then all of us went our separate ways...sum joined gangsters...sum went to other states to pursue a job as they think studying iz a waste of time...then i was left wif a new group of frens...separated wif sum after form 3...didnt really hav a reunion or anything...all hav new gangs in form 4 de...juz said hi occasionally...in form 5 separation again...those successful in studies went overseas...while sum of us stayed behind...form 6 new group nia...a lot of things happen...all of us grow up de...feelings...negative feelings r formed among all of us...jealousy, betrayal, pride...all of tis were unheard of wen v r younger...i was tired of tis lifestyle aledi loh...no true frens...so in form 6 didnt bother much wif other ppl...onli mix wif a few...then there were females...i nvr really mixed wif girls b4...even in tuition..after i find out tat they onli talk to me wen they wana copy...tat i m onli useful as an answer sheet...tat happened in form 4? forgot liao..those things i rather not remember so clearly...i can talk whole night but it iz almost 3 de loh...i better stop here...she claimed tat if i wan my life to change...to b better..i hav to change first...my way of thinking hav to change...hahaha...wat do u think?...i was nvr really in control of my life...even if i tried...i think i cannot sustain past frenships...even if i dun get a new group or forget bout old frens...i cant say tat those old frens nvr get a new group of their own...oh yeah...forgot to say tat onli 2-3 of my schoolmates stay near me...SCHOOLMATES..not classmates...i kenot yumcha wif them, i kenot play basketball wif them etc...ok loh..i better stop here...

5/11/2007

Urgh....nowadays always sleep after 4am de =_=...my health will surely suffer...but i feel the best in the middle of the night...peaceful n cool...juz now went supper...including me 3 ppl onli...one of them a fren i havent really chat wif for quite sum time de...the sky was clear...the rain juz stopped not tat long ago...air was cool..the stars was visible...i guess onli i will appreciate tis kind of things...during supper i found out tat everyone iz changing...or mayb i m still too naive about the real world...now a lot of ppl r focusing on earning money...even though still studying...sum do part time jobs...a lot r interested in marketing, insurance, or investments aledi...haihz...mayb i m having an easy life tat i do not need to worry such things right now?...i dunno ler...but i dun like it...the way everyone iz changing...the days where v r carefree...izzit gone forever? no point lying in an empty field enjoying the wind by myself...wonder wat the future holds? after supper on my way back i was greeted by a swarm of bugs!! flying around the street lights was hundreds or thousands of them...as i ride through a lot of it banged into my bike n helmet...luckily none on my face..it was scary...like those horror movies...i kept looking at my side mirror to see if any of it followed me...and yeah i was alone coz i need to buy snacks at 7-11...so they went back first...n the road was veli quiet...no other vehicles...hahaha...today...hm...did sum work...i guess itz progress but not fast enuf ler...but i will do more tomolo...i think i m getting sick of playing games de...almost everyday a few rounds...if i m tired of doing work mayb i will juz lie around or take a walk or sumthing...today didnt go to the library to do work nia...juz didnt feel like it i guess...bringing my laptop up n down...furthermore i wont b spending tat much time in the library...itz boring doing work like tat...if study ok lah....need to concentrate...i like to play n work at the same time....work n study not the same hehehe....n i hav no one to discuss or chat wif anyways...no coursemates or anything...itz a fact lah...i m not being depressed bout it so no worries...everyone who goes there r studying...if i wana find ppl to chat i better sit in room n go on9...however i think itz also the same...exam season nia...how many ppl behave like me? as if not exam...hahaha...but i do wish i hav sumone i can talk to anytime...like now...4 sumthing in the morning...hm...it would b nice to chat wif a girl whole night even if using sms onli...well i can keep on dreaming cant i? n i wont accept those not s/a nia...no 'feel'..hahaha...even if itz ok wif u n yur partner, i myself dun like it...earlier actually i was asking around for ppl to eat supper de...one fella said dun wan i think...wat does 'i think no lo' mean to u?...then later he said 1am can go...i felt he was trying to readjust his tight schedule for me...i shud hav known better...or mayb he had other motives..hm...like setting me up...coz i m not tat close wif the group anymore...mayb he iz trying to get everyone together? last time during supper he juz drank teh ais i think...he got no intent of eating..he juz went bcoz sumone ask him to...so later i juz say nvr mind de...juz asking for fun...our frenship...wasnt tat strong to begin wif...i did everything i could..i was desperate to get accepted into the group...but in the end i juz hurt myself...n i know tat bonds formed in haste will oso b broken just as quickly...so i wana forget about it...let things be lah...i wont die...no one will...sumthings kenot be forced...hahaha...mayb can remain as casual frens where v share a laugh once in a while or sms a bit...a true fren? itz too late for tat....second year first sem almost finish loh...to those who find a good fren since first year first sem n still going strong now...cherish him/her...appreciate him/her...not everyone iz as lucky to hav one...oh yeah...if u feel tat sumone hav a misunderstanding of the my current situation or emotion u can give the address of tis blog if tat sumone dunno how to ask me...of course i would prefer they ask me as i can explain it more clearly...but i know i m not tat approachable sumtimes...got ppl saying tat since secondary skool...but onli give the address as a last resort...u can copy the whole thing in a word document then send nia~~ hahaha...okloh...5 am oso come liao loh...i still got lots of things to say...n i m afraid tat i will forget...but if i could think of it now...mayb i can think of it tomolo nia..bb~~

4/11/2007

Wheeee....play almost 2 days de looo...after the paper on friday i got 10 days of rest...b4 i carry on...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!...ok back to the point...i still got my project due 19th nov...gotta get it started de...tomolo iz sunday...i think i will try my best tomolo...haihz..cant say the paper on friday was good...in fact the tips were all wrong...hahaha...but at least i know i hav done all tat i could...even if i spend more time reading the day or few days b4, i dun think i can improve a lot nia...at least i m convincing myself to think like tat...so dun feel tat terrible...if got sumone comfort me like tat then sure 100% ok de now...hehehe...haihz...actually i wana go play more nia....but after chatting wif a few ppl i find out tat i m considered lazy de...a coursemate finished part of the project aledi...n sum ppl i know iz studying hard even though their paper almost as far away as mine...mayb different course requirements? as usual my memory iz not tat good nia...i m considered lucky tat my course dun really require me to memorise a lot of facts...especially facts tat i m not interested in...if i landed in sum chemistry related course i would b failing my subjects instead of it being B and above...there r ppl who study for themselves n there r ppl who study for others...i m in the second category...i study for others...i study to make my parents happy...n later wen i graduate land a better job to financially support my parents n future family...i study to not lose to my frens...but i know now certain courses r easier to score compared to others...so i guess really kenot compare...but even if i do not need to study tat much...perhaps i can b a source of motivation for others as they hav been for me...i will feel kinda uncomfortable wen i see others studying while i juz sit there playing...but mayb they hav their own plans...mayb study hard for now then go play later? will i b a fool for studying as well? i guess not gua...dun think anyone can overprepare for anything...but for now i still follow wat my heart feels along wif wat my brain thinks...if i feel like i wana play, after thinking wat stuff i havent do, i will make my decision...life iz too short...dun wana live wif regrets or thinking bout past possibilities...ok, itz impossible to do tat but i wana minimize it as much as possible...however, life iz not so short until u dun need to think of the future...hehehe...understand mah?? i guess tatz it...gona sleep soon...bb~

2/11/2007

Exam loh!!!! in less than 9 hours...i will b sitting in the exam hall...hm...i guess i hav done everything tat i can today...yesterday night after supper i came back to my room n played a round of dota promising tat i wont play today...the group win wif a big margin...it was fun...sumhow i feel it was back in form 6 again...the confidence...hahaha...i dedicate the victory to all my frens studying hard nia...hope they will do well in their exams...true enuf today i didnt play...onli played king of fighters 2002...tat lasted less than 20 minutes..most of my time today used to study n surfing the net..earlier during lunch i bit my lip!! so pain de...bleeding...swollen a bit as well...later during dinner i m veli afraid tat i will bite it again...hahaha...hm..the rest of the day iz rather normal nia...spent dinner alone...dun really think tat much nowadays...mayb i think till sien de...or iz juz tat in the end the problem comes from myself...if any of u invited me for dinner juz bcoz u read my blog or anything...then rather not...i oso dun like to 'invade'..meaning suddenly invite myself into a dinner group...same goes for inviting me out of pity...after so long i guess the situation juz makes me alone...i find no more reason to blame other ppl de...sum got partners...sum their frenship wif others r much stronger than wif mine...i kenot expect them to think so much of me as i do towards them nia...a strong frenship takes time n tears...nothing will change so quickly within one sem...hm...i guess tatz it...furthermore there r ppl tat their style completely go against mine...juz not compatible i guess...i do not expect any of u to change...coz if it were me, i oso couldnt change lah...itz not tat i hav given up though...there r sumthings tat r better left natural...but there r sumthings tat require a bit of a nudge or even a push to happen...hehehe...content wif my life right now? i cant say tat i hav suffered a lot...i do hav a good family, doing kinda good in my studies....on the other hand i cant really say tat i m truly happy...well...i can juz say tat it iz too early to say anything for sure...hehehee...hope everything iz wat it seems...let there b no more lies or betrayal...but if one can see good n evil so clearly...then one iz aledi similar to a god...i m...no god.

1/11/2007

Hmmm...end of the year de loh...itz 1st November~~~ paper on 2nd =_=...haihz...after studying for a bit still dun really think the stuff iz sticking...sure it gets easier to read...faster even but i m afraid i cant answer during the exams...after a rather bad presentation of a group project i dun think my coarry marks will b any better...juz can hope tat the average iz a bit lower...but wif the bio-informatic third year students scoring such insane marks...anything might happen nia...i cant predict it...i think i better put more effort into my revision tomolo...coz the paper on friday starts at 8.30am...so no time to review it again in the morning...straight to the exam hall..hopefully nothing pops up suddenly tomolo...but even if it did...depends on the event ler...itz 1230 now...i dun think i can study anymore...kinda full de...today...nothing much happened...spent almost the whole afternoon chatting wif ppl...catch up on sum things...oh yeah now i can finally go on9 in room de...but i m still blogging from outside using wireless connection hehe...everyday iz routine...wake up, go wash up n stuff then play games...afternoon go eat lunch...come back play summore or rest a bit...then shud start studying in the evening de...i think tomolo kenot do tat liao loh...see how loh..now i juz wana play sum game...but izzit the correct thing to do? i really m afraid of getting low marks tis friday paper...decisions, decisions...