Wah...aledi monday liao...hahaha...actually now iz still sunday midnight...the internet connection iz busted again..sien...i m currently blogging in the library...feeling kinda hungry...the dinner wasnt tat filling...mayb i juz hav a gigantic appetite...hahaha...now onwards to sumthing i wanted to say since yesterday...the same feeling not so long ago came back...ok i need to start from the beginning i guess...i liked a girl in tis uni since the middle of tis sem...i wrote tis down in the frenster blog b4...i knew her for a while aledi but didnt hav any feelings until i saw...or perhaps felt sumthing one day tat totally changed my view n opinion of her...but i oso know sumone else loved her earlier than i did...perhaps even more than me at tat time...the feelings during tat time was hard to bear but i juz havto let it go...i cant do anything...i hav accepted the fact tat i cant b wif her but i still liked her...i wasnt tat sure of my feelings yet..so kept on using the word 'like' instead...perhaps i juz view her as a good fren to be wif or a sister??..however i do feel envy as well as joy around her...hahaha to think tat i could love sumone again was kinda great...even though it wont be a fairytale ending but it was enuf for me at tat time...but even so i realised i was getting kinda attached to her de...so i wanted to pull away...a lot of things were storming through my mind...events happening around me in the hostel as well my projects n assignments made things worse...i tried to persevere as best i could...i was driven close to breaking down numerous times...was involved in an accident as well...the stress, the pressure...everything rained down on me...tears couldnt even form fast enuf to wash away my sadness b4 more things happened...finally it was study week break..i can go back my home for the first time tis sem...to b away from everything...i tot i could totally wipe her away from my mind as her relationship wif another guy grew stronger everyday...i had similar experience wif sumone else b4 so i guess i could handle it nia...as i went back uni...feelings still there but not as strong joh...it was good i guess..but i cant even sustain any relationship wif her anymore as we grew more distant from each other...i dun even know how to talk to her anymore...mayb itz best not to bother her nia...well a lot of things happened n days passed...then i watched the movie 'Stardust'...in the movie i fell in love wif 'Yvaine'...after watching it i tot i liked the actress n searched for her details n pictures but...i realised i wasnt...i juz simple liked the character...she showed me how love iz supposed to be...n i think tat my love for the girl iz not so strong if a comparison was made...even though itz juz a movie, but wen sumone can think of it then it means it iz indeed possible...at least the writer of the script view love between 2 ppl shud be like tat...n i agree as well...if i pursued her last time wen i had the chance i dun think i can reach the lvl of tristan n yvaine...hm...how shud i say it more clearly...i feel tat if i watched the movie wif her, i would hav felt envy of the love between tristan n yvaine...understand mah??...i think i would hav wished tat i could hav found sumone like yvaine instead...YEAH!! tatz the correct way of putting it...i m not really compatible wif her even though i understand a bit bout her...she iz a city girl while i m a country boy...she eats in expensive restaurants while i think i ate in Secret Recipe once onli so far...i cannot give her the happiness tat she wants from the relationship nor can i feel the joy of being wif her...mayb comparing real-world ppl to movies iz bad eh?...one day i will find my star...sumone tat no one else can substitute...or i would rather be alone perhaps...i dun wana force myself to accept anyone...love in desperation or loneliness onli ends in sadness for both sides...i think tis time i was desperate for sumone...well it iz a valuable lesson...hopefully there will b more movies like 'Stardust' to remind me of my true feelings as well as how love iz supposed to be...sounds naive? juz let me be...wakakakaka....now juz like b4...
the feelings u had for me i will return it all in due time,
while the feelings i had for u iz gone, washed by the rain, blown by the wind,
therefore as of now, as of tis moment, i love u no more.
wah....feels great after saying tis all out...tis kinda stuff needs to b put in a blog...telling ppl juz doesnt feel right...i need to add another thing onto my necklace to remember tis...even if itz not to remember her, it iz to remember bout yvaine...i will compare how i felt towards having sumone like yvaine by my side wif any future interest nia~~...tis iz my decision...i will not regret it even if i hav to graduate without anyone special by my side...but graduating alone or not iz another story altogether...i will leave it to another day lah~~ hehehe....tomolo exam at 3.30pm nia...
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