16/11/2007

Hm...a day after the emotional outburst...hahaha learnt one thing...punching the wall helps...managed to calm me down...but veli painful loh...physically =_=..today iz a veli bad day...lack of sleep...severe lack of sleep...no thanx to sum inconsiderate ppl who make noise...sum even put firecrackers...i was veli bad tempered the whole day...punched the wall again...wat can i do? scold ppl ah? we live in the same place...haihz...to think i need to spend another sem in tis place...cant even study properly...time iz getting short...if i got the money i would hav moved to the senior block instead...wif the money i can go get myself a private wireless connection...at least at the senior block no one to disturb me...in a bad way of course...but even if i live here...how many ppl actually knocked on my door to chat? juniors mostly surprisingly...then today i take back my words from first year...'in UKM, u will nvr supper alone'...today i juz did...not exactly alone but i did went out alone...once there was lucky enuf to find sum 'free' coursemates...didnt sit together though but one of them actually came over to chat a bit...tis iz fren loh...too bad he staying outside...then later he returned to his housemates...oh yeah...by 'free' i mean single n available...got summore wif their partners...n tonight got a lot of girls nia...duno why...i think got at least 2 tables full wif pretty girls onli...no boys...hahaha...luckily i my hair didnt look tat bad...hopefully....as i was waiting for my order to come...i checked around...got a lot of couples nia...i like to see wen the girl will laugh while watching the movie then juz purposely look at her bf...then oso got one couple who juz arrived holding hands then the group aledi sitting there were pointing fingers...hahaha the couple juz blushed a bit n joked around....the girl was smiling widely...well after i finished my business i went back n tried to finish up my revision...was behind schedule nia...i hav lived my life totally alone in the hostel...onli talking to sum ppl occasionally onli..but even then oso dun feel tat comfortable...tat one special case...normally juz say hi...tatz all...most of the ppl tat r active...erm meaning tat actually get out from their rooms...they r involved wif the incident sumhow...so i dun hav much options left...the juniors r in a world of their own...juz now even in the library as i was sitting by the side...not many ppl went over n messed wif me...mayb it was bcoz i dun look too frenly...well i was cranky...but even then oso i know tat i can nvr fit into their group...as they chatted away i dun know wat they say...coz they were talking in mandarin...i m the odd one here...i went for lunch alone, dinner alone...n now even supper alone...sumthing tat i tot will nvr happen...hahaha n i tot i was making progress wif my social life tis sem...i think i hav taken a step backwards instead...retreated further...i guess the onli thing i can hold on to iz the story of an anime character...her family was killed wen she was 8...the last words from a close fren of hers b4 his death 'no one iz borned to be alone in tis world...go n find your nakama!!'...erm nakama in japanese means sumthing like a mix of friend n comrade...a relationship deeper than juz a normal friend but not as formal as a comrade...so she travelled the world alone being hunted by the government...ppl everywhere betrayed her for the reward money issued...she trusted no one...20 years later, at 28 years old now a stunning beauty she found a group...she wasnt tat sure at first but decided to juz stick around since she got nowhere to go...later the government finally caught up to her...then tat same group decided to oppose the government juz to save her...finally she realized she iz not alone in tis world anymore...wen supporters of their cause said they juz destroyed part of the government's elite forces...the leader of the group replied 'we were juz taking back our nakama'...one day i will find my group...one day...at least i m not yet 28...hehehe...good things will come to those who wait? hopefully...but i m not the kind of person wif a lot of patience nia...