Finally finish another paper....i think tiz one iz the best so far de...for me lah...the paper iz veli veli subjective though...no one knows the actual answer to sum questions...all depends on own interpretation of the question and the scenario given...after tat spent whole day playing games...didnt touch any of the slides or notes...holiday mood liao loh...final paper on wednesday...after tat freedom...but after tat...watz next?...juz now was chatting wif sumone regarding the state of the community in the hostel...everyone iz separated de...dun hav one huge group anymore...all hav their own closed circle of frens...sum r stand-alones...both of us shared bout how life used to b in our past...surrounded by ppl...going out together...doing things together...those feelings kenot be felt anymore here...dun hav a sense of togetherness anymore...erm...at least for both of us lah...mayb sum of u out there r pretty satisfied wif the way things r right now in the hostel...haihz...oh yeah...i think the contents of tis blog iz leaking around de...or mayb i m juz thinking too much...an unexpected sms came yesterday...it iz sumhow related to one of my posts earlier...not tat i really care bout tis but...wouldnt it be wonderful if things would change naturally? tatz the best way right? hehehe...for sumone to behave in a different manner juz bcoz they know bout the contents of tis blog...dont make me feel better one bit...in fact i might think why fake it? might make me more upset wen u bring me hope then send it crashing to the ground once more...tatz wat most ppl do to me T_T...wat shud i do now....hopefully i wont bow down to pressure n do sumthing i will regret in the future...i juz wana say tis to sum ppl out there...the disappointment iz too deep...even if a lot of time has passed...or more things happen...there iz nothing more between us...i cant permit myself to forgive everyone once more n clear an opening juz to get stabbed at again....but i still care for everyone...even if there r no more words between us...i hope tat all of u will hav better days ahead...if there r any problems n onli i could do sumthing about it...then try asking...doctors heal even enemies right? but if i find out all of tis iz a trick...or a part of a plan...i dunno lah...everything tat has happened is due to the true nature of everyone...no matter wat, nothing will change...how they act, how they talk, how they think as well as how they treat me...mayb they can fake it for a while but in the end the result will b the same...if i hav forgiven sum of them sumhow in the future...i know tat i will end in heartbreak once more...as of now i will follow my ultimatum as closely as possible...if there r no frens suitable for me to mix wif...then so be it..i will live the best i could by myself till the day i find my frens...
Tis iz wat the recent events hav made me think...
If you really wanted me as a fren, you would hav treated me better. You would hav brought me closer. In the end, i m juz an 'option' right? I am optional. Not required. Not necessary. Not a priority. Not cared for. I am juz around to make a crowd. Everything is fake. I was juz dreaming wen i tot i found sumone to be wif. Somethings are not meant to come true.
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