8/11/2007

Finally most of my current project finish liao...functional de...error checking oso mostly done i guess...and yet there iz no happiness or joy...no sense of closure or freedom...today iz the aftermath of yesterday...the feelings still burn inside of me...at least sum misunderstanding hav been cleared regarding innocent bystanders...so now i understand more who to hate aledi...muahahaha...juz joking lah...ask yurself..do i look like tis kind of person mah??...haihz...no one to celebrate wif, no one to go supper wif...no one who understands how much effort i put into the project...coursemates? tis project iz like competition between everyone nia...who does the best will score the highest n the rest will b judged based on tat standard...i dun think i shud juz go around n tell them i hav finished...first of all, it would b like bragging...secondly, it serves me no purpose of doing so...i cant let them copy...if they know i finish de sure ask one...now alone in my room listening to the rain drops fall down...all alone...not many ppl r on9..at least those i m hoping to see are not...who else do i hav in UKM anywayz...not juz in UKM...in my life...all tis while i m juz holding on to memories of ppl nia...right now...right here...i hav no one...i know my family will always b there for me...but i dun think they can help wif my situation...even if they wana give advice oso hard leh coz they dunno or dun understand entirely...i got no frens...no partners..not even an ex-girlfren...perhaps there r ppl willing to listen or willing to help...but the situation denies them the capability...for instance, they cant go on9...perhaps u might wonder why i nvr sms or call...well the same reason why most ppl nvr sms or call me i guess...dun wana bother ppl gua...however i m always hoping tat ppl will sms me...no one ever called me to chat b4 i think...my frenship wif everybody iz not tat strong...i think there iz no 'bother' between frens? how hard izzit to reply? how much does it cost to reply an sms? wan me to pay u to reply me mah?? hahahaha...tis few words bring back a lot of terrible memories...as for me i state here n now...unless my phone iz destroyed, i dun hav credit, i m occupied or away from my phone i will always reply...back to the main point...well being on9 shows tat u r free n available to talk i guess...tatz why ppl normally chat on9...but sum ppl r terrible in the way tat they lie bout their status...sum put bz wen they r not...as for me, i seldom forget bout changing my status except i was in a hurry...wen it shows i m on9 means i m on9...wen it shows i m bz means i m bz..wen it shows i m away means i m away...easy to understand right?...but i guess they hav their own reasons...i m subconsciously defending them even now...argh...how many ppl is as kind in a stupid way as i m?...i guess itz a self-defence mechanism...i try to convince myself tat the ppl around me iz not as bad as i think they r....i think i m going to go crazy nia...i feel sorry for myself...the person who said tat happy things will happen tomorrow obviously forgot bout the possibility tat things will get worse as well...a new dawn, a new hope...wat if yur hopes get smashed most of the time?...2 more weeks till i can go back home...wat then? will it b better? a month...then second sem liao...i cant even imagine how second sem will b like...