Attraction and me

I thought I used this topic before but apparently not. The post tonight will hopefully be a short one as I could really use some extra time on the bed. First of all, my body is still not 100% and I think it will never be. I am still not willing to bet on the fact that I need more rest to build muscles. My stubborn obsession with exercising does not let me to sit idly for even a day. I know certain things cannot be rushed but the problem is I am not sure if this is one of it. As usual, hopefully I do not break my body pursuing theories and my objectives. Some people close to me are already saying that I focus too much on pursuing a better appearance. Furthermore it is not a hidden fact that I really enjoy looking at pretty females. Most will call me a pervert for that and it is an insult to me but what can I do about it? If you insist on calling me that, I cannot do anything else except to stay away from you. Why do I have to accept verbal abuse from you? I still remember someone calling me a pervert loudly in public. I will never forget nor will I forgive.

First of all, the reason of my pursuit is because I couldn't really think of any other more effective ways. It is already common sense that someone good looking is approached far more easily than someone who is not. I have honestly never had a real relationship before and I am willing to try whatever that increases my chances and is beneficial in the long run. Some suggested I join a social circle of sorts or attend church to meet more people but travelling is not exactly a convenient thing for me to do. I do not have a lot of money to enjoy an active night-life either. I am also not good with strangers. Lastly, my neutral look is already kind of aggressive. I do not project even a tiny bit of attractive material to the ladies. I forgot to mention that my wardrobe consists of only a few shirts from 2-3 years ago. I have never spent a lot of money on actually getting respectable clothes even in my own personal opinion. I still remember and hate the person who reacts in disgust that I do not wash my clothes daily. Seriously, if I have more to choose, do not need to wear them for the next 3 years and they do not wear out, I will wash them daily.

I am giving my all now so that I will not live in regret later. I do not want to lie on my deathbed alone wondering 'what if I had a 6-pack when I was young? Will I die alone now?'. I would have done whatever I could to get a partner. After buffing up I will seriously learn or improve my social skills such as singing or playing the guitar. No, I do not have an idol wish but you never know how it might help me. I think I am okay in my manners and maturity. I am capable of caring for others, I consider myself thoughtful but I cannot accept severe childishness. I am looking for a life partner and a good mother for my children, not a spoilt princess. My career right now is considered stable though it is not exactly earning a lot but it should be enough. I know females consider financial stability as well when evaluating a partner but sense of security is different from wealth. I am still unclear about this aspect and perhaps it will do me good to ask around or secure more income.

Sometimes I wonder if fame and status have any influence in this. There are a lot of superstars that are still single and available. There are also ordinary looking superstars with a loving wife and a happy marriage. Though I have also seen my fair share of couples that look impossible at first but are really sincere to each other. I always wonder how do they get together? Introduced by friends? Childhood friends? Sheer coincidence? Through their field of work? And how do they get attracted to each other? What are their first impressions of each other? But I think even if I knew all that, it wouldn't help. I am sure all of them are unique and I am sure mine will be too. I guess I just couldn't bear to simply wait for my special someone to appear. My lack of confidence haunts me as I want to be good enough when it matters the most. I cannot bear losing someone so important to me due to something I could have changed. I can never be perfect. But I can try.

It is actually quite easy to attract my attention. I think I listed my preferences quite a number of times already in this blog. Though preferences are never the rules. I always thought I liked females with long black hair. And yet I find myself uncontrollably attracted to females with short hair as well. One of them even have her hair dyed blonde. Usually it looks ridiculous on an Asian but trust me, she is awesome. I am rather alert and pick up body language, dress sense and even perfume if someone stands near me. I can't help but listen to their tone of speech and if I could even make out the words, check out her mannerism or sense of humour. You cannot miss someone that has a unique laugh but I totally cannot handle high pitch voice or diva-like speech. In the end though, it will be appearance I guess. You look polite, beautiful with a great smile, then I will really be interested in getting to know you better. Keep your attitude in check please. I have no qualms with girl power but being obnoxious is a totally different thing altogether. Anyway, I should stop already. Take care and enjoy Friday!!!