Actually I started out wanting to blog about another topic but somehow this specific topic pop into my head after a yumcha session with old friends. Anyway, daily updates first. Without realizing it, yesterday was my 200th blog post. It is not really that significant considering I started this blog quite a long while ago. Compared with my Friendster blog, this is nothing. Thankfully, that blog is buried. I hope I can continue as long as possible. Today I skipped badminton and went for a run instead. However, I couldn't finish my usual interval training distance which was odd. My best guess would be a weak lunch considering it was only a small amount of noodles. My stomach was hurting during the second last lap and it wasn't due to lack of breath. Nevertheless I should rest tomorrow because I think my right leg really cannot take the strain anymore. I tried balancing the burden by purposely using my left leg to push more but I guess it is pointless. Hopefully all this is not a prelude to something horrible.
Earlier, I managed to watch some Korean drama after dinner and this time, I was seriously caught off guard. It seemed ridiculous and funny at first but it quickly turns to a more serious mood. The male character was constantly eyeing a girl he broke off with earlier without proper explanation as she prepares noodles. It was odd as she was mixing them up for a long time but she looks okay. Later when she is called and she looks up, she had tears dripping down along her nose hidden by her long hair. Seriously I wasn't expecting that. As she excuses herself, the male blocks her way and confronts her. She tried to make more funny excuses about her crying but soon she gave in and cried out loud without holding back. It was a happy conclusion to their little love line for now I guess. It is always hard to hold negative things in. And it is not easy to let it out either. Manage it the wrong way and it might turn disastrous. Kind of like secrets that you keep. And I realize I am still a sucker for weeping females. Maybe because I know it is not easy to cry.
Everything in life has a price. Everything in existence has a price. It is easier to weigh the value of something that you can touch compared to something abstract. Earlier I was discussing with friends about our current standing in life. Each of us sacrificed different things in different amounts to gain what we have now. The most memorable argument is me versus my friend who is now a chef and restaurant supervisor. He now leads his own team and plans the menu while earning a substantial amount. There are also perks that could make me envious. Then he throw down one simple thing. I work sitting down while he works standing up. He won the argument with one sentence. I have neglected to take into account of our working environment since work load is very subjective and therefore not counted. People who owns a car, a house, a family, how much have they paid? I think it is not simply the price in money but much more from that. Only a very select few in this world can actually afford something without sacrificing something obvious.
How many of us paid with broken relationships, bitter feelings, painful memories or experience? How many things were traded with time, health, pride or freedom? And lastly but most importantly, how many of us made a transaction without paying for it now? What I mean is karma or perhaps your entire future. In our daily routine we are bound to offend people either intentionally or unintentionally for a reason. For something. In a way, it is an abstract trade. Perhaps to catch that taxi ride to an urgent meeting you snubbed an old lady which happens to be the mother of your client. Those are the most dangerous trades one can ever do. And we do it everyday. And we can never gauge if the trade is worth it or not until we live long enough to judge or reap the benefits. There are also times when a trade is rendered pointless by an uncontrollable event happening in the future. Thus, the law of equivalent trade becomes blur and we are left guessing if it was fair or not.
There are so many people making decisions and 'trading' with one another that it is impossible to verify if there was ever an element of fairness. What we do impact one another in more ways than we can think of and our perspective is only limited to our own. I guess it was rather foolish of me to think that I have 'paid' enough with bitter experiences in the past. Perhaps I am already paying for something I will only be getting 10 years later. Perhaps I am paying for something that I don't even realize. But being in the dark makes any person uneasy. We start to question and make random assumptions to satisfy our curiosity and the demand for an explanation. To justify things and to make ourselves feel better. I can only hope that in the future, I can finally confirm that everything that happens now is worth it. It is very late now and I should be sleeping already. Take care and enjoy Thursday!!!
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