Weather and me

I am seriously going to run out of titles. The weather is so freaking hot that I can't even think properly for this post. I am sweating and stuck inside a room with limited ventilation for the night. Well, we can't really expect everything to be perfect so might as well be grateful it wasn't raining earlier. My badminton arm still hurts a lot because I stopped playing for 2 weeks. Playing badminton requires me to swing my arm repeatedly in different angles and directions instead of simply pushing up during exercise. If only I could do the same using my left arm so my body won't grow to be lopsided. I just weighed myself earlier and there was no change. I have doubts if my diet is enough. But if I am constantly building up muscle, then a stable weight means I only regain what I lost in a different form. We need to think positively right?

For this post, I decided to highlight some aspects of my current state of being. I do not react well to positivity actually. I do not appreciate people that promote positivity for everything especially those that totally ignore reality. I prefer to be more down to earth and not make any assumptions easily. Furthermore when you are being so adamant about your belief, it only gets harder to be sad when you are supposed to be. Please do not hold back tears. It is way more heart-breaking than to see you actually cry. There is nothing wrong to cry or yell or curse the earth. Just don't do it without a good reason. Over-reacting is not really good outside of a funny scenario. I guess the best way to sum things up is never be too serious about positivity.

However, the worst part is that I react badly against good things too. I feel very embarrassed when people compliment me or thank me. I do not know what to do when people respect my opinion or simply listen and agree. I have been cloaked in so much negative reactions that I am unprepared for all this. I am constantly waiting for a backlash or an argument or being ignored or isolated. Just recently I spewed a crap load of personal philosophical principles and an acquaintance simply just agree and even added to it. Usually people will brush me off as too long winded, saying my words are too deep and feign ignorance or come up with something as a last word. Speaking of last words, more on this in my final paragraph. I was at a loss and didn't know what to type. It is like 'Wow, it actually worked. Now what do I do?'.

Does this mean I am doing something right now? Will things get better now? I dare not to hope that much. I only take things as they come. Giving advice is not without its fair share of disadvantages. Especially when it is regarding relationships. I should stop commenting so much on other people or promote what I would have done in their situation. It is very bad. Assuming that what I say is correct and perhaps even idealistic, wouldn't that simply increase the dissatisfaction they have in the current relationship? Even though they won't break up straight away, the seeds of doubt have been planted. And it would be planted by none other than me. Some may argue that if they share real love, nothing can break them up. I can only hope so because most of the time I cannot simply ignore or lie. Everyone deserves to be happy but I guess in the end nobody has the right to interfere.

Somehow I am feeling agitated easily now. I just shot out an outburst to someone I know over Facebook. It wasn't without reason but I think I should stop talking to people for a while. Even if it is due to heat, this is a very bad aspect of my personality that I must fix if I ever hope to be the person I want to be. Coming this CNY I think I will be cleaning up my Facebook contact list. Why do I even bother checking out the status of people I do not like? Some never posted anything for ages. Maybe they blocked me. Having more contacts is definitely useful but only if we are in good terms with those people else they are useless. It is a very rare occurrence that you can find help among them unless there is a trade. I have also decided to reduce my interaction with people who like to get the last word in. My new year resolution for a better state of mind. Anyway, the weekends are here so I hope all of you will enjoy Saturday!!