Once more I am back in KL, sitting in my rental room. The train departed 2pm sharp from Ipoh train station and arrived at KL Central a bit late around 4.45pm. Surprisingly I manage to get some quality sleep during the trip. Perhaps I am just very tired due to the outing late last night. As I step back into my room, I could feel something changed within me. Even though it is not a good thing but I feel that I can once more be who I really am. Maybe I feel more comfortable and free living by myself. I am not implying that my family is very strict or that they judge me recklessly, but its just that I think I am a bit different at home compared with elsewhere. I am sure most of you restrain yourself or change your attitude in the presence of your family. I think I will behave differently in front of the girl I like too. Does that count as a lie?
Speaking of girls that I like, I think my celebrity crush decreased a bit. Perhaps it is true that time corrodes feelings including attraction. Previously I was listening to k-pop and watching korean variety shows frequently and therefore I am exposed to the idols more. In Ipoh, I didn't really listen or watch anything Korean except for the drama in one of the local television channels. I just plough through my daily routine as usual. Now I am actually afraid to watch those shows once more because I know I will be hooked once again. This is the same situation with the game, Starcraft II. I purposely distanced myself because I know if I let myself get too deep into it, I might not be able to stop so easily again. However, I need any motivation I can get to accomplish my goal of learning Korean and sticking to my exercise routine. Besides, how bad can it get?
Feelings and time are very funny things. Through the passage of time, feelings of attraction and love may grow between 2 very different individuals. Most probably due to the increased understanding and constant communication and interaction with each other. You may enjoy spending time with the person and emotionally becomes a bit dependent on the said person. With this theory, it is very much possible that feelings can be 'created'. I still remember knowing a girl as a friend and with enough time together I actually grow attracted to her. The tricky part though, is whether or not the other party feels the same about you. Therefore, perhaps now I am not waiting for a chance meeting with someone but waiting for the chance to spend time with someone. If you have time together, you will have the chance to show your best qualities and hopefully impress and make the person curious about you.
Now that we are touching on relationships with other people, I actually made a decision to ignore someone that I know. That 'someone' shall now be known as A. A could have been so much more and we could have shared a more meaningful friendship but I seriously could not stand the way A communicates. Today was seriously the last straw. I already tried to feign ignorance and continue the conversation but still the nonsense keeps coming. I think I have provided enough time and chances for A before I decided to take this stance. Perhaps A don't give a shit how I think. This only means that A is not worth the time and effort to make this friendship work. I know A likes to joke around and perhaps A does not mean anything that is mentioned but it is still very annoying to me. Anyway A already has a partner and I don't, so perhaps the problem lies in me being picky about how other people behave.
As we grow up, relationships become complicated and tricky. Relationships with friends, family and colleagues are now filled with lies, compromise, and secrets. Some of them are done with good intentions but reality cannot be manipulated so easily. Things are bound to go wrong and spiral out of control. Do I need to face the one I love with a fake smile in the future? In our current society, honesty is definitely not the best policy anymore. Even I personally cannot take the truth if it was presented to me in a way that I find offensive. Handling human interaction is a skill honed by experience and tears. I hope this post has been thought-provoking and interesting. Tomorrow is the last working day of 2011 and I hope everyone will enjoy Friday!!!
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