First of all, I am still fine thankfully. There were no severe side-effects from yesterday's stunt of running in the rain for 3km except for muscle aches. Then today I was soaked once again as I came back from work and it rained heavily. It was either being wet or being slightly wet, late for dinner and facing a terrible traffic jam. Wonder how the weather will be tomorrow? Thanks to another video I watched earlier, I just got another weird idea of what to do next. Eating a raw egg straight from a hole in the shell in one gulp. Only this time the health risk is higher but seems easy enough. I bet among the things flashing in your thoughts include 'you should stop watching those stupid videos'.
Today was a rather routine day and so I decided to look into myself instead. I realize how I always say that I do not actively search for a relationship because I am not ready and other rubbish. So I asked myself, was there any other reason? Is it because I am too scared to commit? Too much of a coward to step out of my shell? It is a honest fact that I am not interested in anyone at the moment. But, what is wrong with knowing more people? I was wandering around Tropicana City Mall after dinner when I caught a glimpse of a pretty female window-shopping. I just grinned to myself and thought 'If we have fate, we will meet again'. Is that just a coward's excuse?
I know it is unrealistic to get to know each and every pretty girl you meet but things like fate is only a concept from humanity's point of view. It was never proven. What if that one glimpse is all that you will ever see of that person? And that person is actually the best partner you could ever hope to get? That kind of thinking is rather severe but it is always good to cherish every opportunity you get. Can I really step up to the plate when the time comes? Will I still be giving myself stupid excuses? And end up regretting alone in this crummy little room for the next 10 years? I do not think that someone is 'made' for you in this world all ready and waiting. We were fighting for something since we were born and I am sure we need to fight for love.
I can only hope I can deliver when it matters the most. Due to the recent korean idol boom, perhaps my personal expectations reached an impossible level. I wonder if girls are affected as much as I am. Do girls hope or expect that one day a guy will treat them like how they show it in those romantic comedy korean dramas? I dare say they are far more entertaining and emotional than western shows. To be honest here, I really do like those girls that I watch. Perhaps it is a vicious cycle that I set myself in. As I watch more facets of their personality through various shows, I grow more curious. And I search for more shows. Such is the case with celebrity crush I guess. Personally, I would prefer them married to reduce the attraction.
As I mentioned before, being passionate about something is not always a bad thing. Especially when it is not a negative or harmful subject. Plus, being passionate makes me feel very much alive and daily routine doesn't feel like a boring grind. This is something that I can indulge in easily and without risk. And because they are what I am aiming for, of course I will start inspecting myself and be more self-conscious. The previous statement is pretty conceited and shameless but that is something I need to admit sooner or later. I start to pursue various projects to improve my chances and in a way provides a steady stream of motivation to complete those projects. Hopefully by the end of all this, I gained as much as I hope for.
Recently my thoughts are constantly occupied with either my daily events or daydreaming so it feels like time passes by quickly. I think the most important part is that I feel a lot less moody now as I am constantly tickled by the things those idols do. I find myself laughing more. I can't really put it into words as I find myself deleting sentences more often for this post than previously. If feelings can be easily put into words though, I guess the world will be a better place. That's it from me, take care and enjoy Wednesday.
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