Endings and me

I guess I ran out of fuel after so many emotionally-charged posts recently. Well we all have our ups and downs. It is just that mine seem so random even to myself. I couldn't sleep properly yesterday. I started questioning myself and also my path and my future. My brain was pretty active and I suffered at work today. Seems like a bit of an over-exaggeration I bet but if you know me well enough, you should expect me to over-think things most of the time. I need to learn how to let go and follow my instincts sometimes I suppose. Of course I hope that my life will not end up being so complicated and dramatic. And I know that my life is nothing compared with the others who are suffering elsewhere in the world. That is actually one of the most overused advice I have ever heard but I can't really come up with a good counter for it. If you are sad, then you are sad, how can you possibly cheer up thinking that other people are worst off than you are? That is just sick.

I always hated endings especially of all the good things that come rolling over. Of course endings to unpleasant events are always welcomed but that is the thing, we like it. So it doesn't really hit us that hard compared to the end of a good holiday for example. Ending of a drama means I can never be entertained by the character or the storyline ever again. No matter how much I re-watch it, it will come up basically the same time as the first time I watch it. That is why I hoard dramas and seldom watches them. Because I feel that it will lose value and I will lose something good. Even in computer games that I truly enjoy, I did not have the urge to finish it. I just want to continue playing. Even though I eventually outgrow this behaviour, I can still remember vividly how I simply save my game in front of the final boss and not go through with it.

In a more sentimental note, I think all of us hate the ending to a relationship. More so with family members or relatives. When it comes to an end, there will be no more. We may never see each other again, talk to each other again, laugh with each other again. But such is the rule of our reality. Anything that starts will end. Nothing lasts forever. We simply move on. We are forced to move on simply because as humans we will forget. Even the strongest of feelings, once the source disappears, there is nothing to rekindle the flame. That is why we keep mementos such as pictures or videos to record that moment hopefully forever. If things never end though, we may never grow and learn from it. If things never end, we won't cherish the time we have remaining. If things never end, I guess life will be bland.

I do admit that I take things too seriously or I think too much. But perhaps it is because I have simply lost so much that I cling so furiously to things that people take for granted. To avoid the agony of a mistake, I try so hard because there is nothing I can fall back on. I can only face it on my own. This may return to bite me in the future. I always try to justify my actions since after numerous considerations and third part opinions it is logically 'correct'. But the correct thing to do is hardly always the right thing to do. Many times we will find ourselves with a question with no correct answer. That is when our true value as a human being comes to light. And this is the conclusion that I seek yesterday. Now I can sleep properly I suppose. Take care and enjoy Thursday!!!