The reason why I chose such a title because somehow I feel like I can relate to almost anything and everything that I observe in my daily life. I mean look at my blog. Which blogger you know could actually come up with posts at least 200 words long 80% of the time on a daily basis? I know I have just started for 2 months but 60*200 = 12000 words already. Even if I have prepared all this materials beforehand, at least acknowledge me for my dedication and writing prowess. All my posts will in one way or the other mention about things that happened on the day itself. Perhaps this just shows how creatively dramatic I could be by making a story out of something common. I am sure some people doubt the things that I write. And I am not here to say otherwise because that would just be annoying to both you and me. And now to relate this to something I saw earlier.
I think I will suffer from lack of sleep again because I am getting all riled up. Today I saw a show where the main character punched a guy for something he said. Due to his bad reputation, everyone blames him. Things get worst when a reporter is out to get him as well. How many of you have such a 'keyword'? So sensitive that when combined with content meant to annoy you will invoke a punch? Or at the least intolerable anger? I have a few actually. And I know how hard it is to keep it in. I have been trying for quite some time to take things less seriously. But combined with numerous factors, and you will get a one way ticket to the end of a friendship. I have honestly never punched someone for real but there were way too many times I wish I had. Kiddy fights do not count, what I meant is hospitalization and police reports. The only thing holding me back was the police reports anyway. I couldn't care less about their well-being.
Holding in all these negative feelings are bad people say. But sometimes that is the only thing to do. Especially when people misunderstand you and your words do not mean anything. Having best friends to help out is kinda idealistic. I am already thankful when there are no more 'friends' trying to dig a deeper hole for you. Same thing in the show. Even though it is wrong to assault people, but I think he just wants someone to understand his reason. It might be even at the level of betrayal when as a friend you also accuse him instead. This is a question of moral values I suppose. I know people who would help me hit back if someone were to spit on my head. Whereas I also know people who would stay out of it. Are they not my friends? I can't really say no. They are not supposed to let me indulge in harming others but is it really wrong to counter?
Recently I have started to practice air punching while holding 4kg weights in my grip. Hopefully, should the need really arises, my punch will mean something. Even though I know there are people who can punch while holding 10kg weights but I can only try my best. I am by no means training up my body to get into a fight, but I do not wish to be viewed as a pushover either. I guess my dislike for people in general never really subsided. Or perhaps I am way too sensitive? Maybe I am stressed out without realizing it. And I don't really like people calling me sensitive. Bad-tempered should be more accurate. Sensitive simply sounds wrong, ignorant and insulting. Anyway, it is thanks to this blog that I seem to rediscover numerous aspects of myself. I am still bitter.
As you can see, if you have been following my posts for the past 2 months, it is obvious that I myself contribute to my social problem. I never think of myself as someone easy to get along with. I am very direct, traditional, too rational and bad tempered. Can it really be considered bad tempered if I had a good reason for it? I guess no reason is good enough to start lashing out unless it was provoked intentionally. Is a joke directed at me intentional provocation then? I actually sighed at myself for making things so complicated especially when it is so late at night. Most probably because this is the only place where I can be truthful about my feelings. And this mute blog is the only one that listens. There are no facial expressions for me to guess, no wrong words for me to decipher. Take care and enjoy Friday!!!
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