Vengeance and me

Coming from yesterday's post, I think it is only appropriate that I saw something that convinces me otherwise. Today I saw the conclusion to a Korean drama, aptly named Brain due to the neurosurgeon theme. As the main character walk through an empty corridor on his way to give a speech, with each step he remembers how far he has gone. All the betrayals, humiliation, tears and effort to achieve his vengeance and his ambition. As he reaches the end, an imaginary vision of his greatest obstacle and also his teacher asked him a simple question multiple times 'Are you happy now?'. True to his arrogance, he smiles and says definitely but as his teacher asked more, his facial expression changed. 'Are you happy even though you are going to lose someone you hold dear once more?' he asked. He could not answer. His principles and conviction shaken. All this while he buried everything and turned a blind eye. But feelings are not something so easily ignored.

And thus I look at myself. I walk around carrying all this hatred. I walk around without attachments and only concentrating on my goals. I bury my feelings and my desires for rational thought and circumstances. In my pursuit of vengeance against everyone will I completely lose sight of the one that truly cares for me? Will I not only shut out my own feelings but the feelings of another? Will I end up as the teacher or will I end up as the main character? Will I end up empty or fulfilled? I never wished for a solitary life. For now, I am living it due to circumstances. For now, I can only bear the humiliation and insults. Will I be forgiven for thinking like this? For taking this path? I do not know the ending nor can I give a rational prediction. I can only hope that I will make the right choice.