Hunger and me pt2

This is a very misleading title. But I am too lazy too think of another and just to continue from where I left off yesterday, I eventually slept with a growling stomach. So far there is still no gastric incidents and I made sure I have a good breakfast this morning. I think being hungry is only good when you can eat. In my case, even when I eat, I need to count my spending. Now, I need to count my calories. Depending on how you look at it, there are pros n cons. I guess I just accepted that this is how it will be, so why not just make the best out of it. I think by dieting I managed to shave off some spending during meals but not so much in the overall picture. This is due to the various health food that I munch on now. I haven't even gotten started on eggs yet. I think my muscles might increase by a higher margin if I consume at least 2 eggs twice a day. For now, I take things slow and carefully.

Perhaps I can elaborate on 'hunger' from another perspective. I do yearn for many things, most importantly is acknowledgement and a partner. I an not really such a confident person and sometimes I do doubt if I am doing the right thing or not. That is why I need acknowledgement from the people around me to know that everything is going on fine. Well, maybe not acknowledgement but reactive feedback? I think this is common in interaction among humans. Which do you prefer? People simply nodding while looking elsewhere or engaging in a conversation with you? Same thing with work or life. If you are doing your task and you are contributing to the team, I think you deserve a pat on the back especially when it is done. Nothing demoralizes a person more than supporting the company for a period of time only to be ignored. Words do not mean much nowadays and promises are empty if the first one never came true.

I think most if not all of us yearn for a partner. A partner to spend time with, a partner to love and a partner to share or rely on when the going gets tough. Nothing seems to be more comforting than her embrace and her brilliant smile at this point. I honestly believe that love comes as fate. She will not love you simply because you are really interested, you really love her or you will work hard to make her happy. I don't think I will lose to some people in sheer determination or romantic ideas. She will only love you, when you get the chance for her to be attracted in the first place. You and her can be a match made in heaven but it matters not if you never see each other. A lot of people meet their partners via their social circle or colleagues. Coming from yesterday's post though, you know my odds are already horrible.

What else are we 'hungry' for? Fame? Well, a bit of fame won't harm anyone I think. I get my tiny bit of fame by being good and rude in online shooting games. I am very sure I am not desperate enough for fame to commit a crime. But I think a lot of us would have imagined ourselves as a famous idol in a particular industry or genre. What about money or property you ask? I already gave up on that ages ago. 'Life is too short to be miserable about money', an article wrote. To earn that much money, you need to sacrifice something of equal value as well. Fame and money rely on one thing in common that made me stay away : Luck. You do not get famous or rich simply by working hard. How many have failed that way? Both of them requires a blind leap of faith of a certain degree for you to succeed in the pursuit. And usually it is not only once or twice but much more than that. It is a risk that I am not capable of handling.

Due to hunger, we tend to appreciate food. Due to 'hunger', I become more sensitive and appreciate what others take for granted. I am by no means well to do or handsome or famous or skilful. But I do take steps to improve myself. One day I will step in Jogoya. One day I will be wearing expensive clothes and not be afraid to reveal a lean figure underneath. One day I will have a partner. One day people will acknowledge me. It will come. Rather optimistic but why be depressed about it when I can turn it as motivation for my vengeance against my circumstances? Everything I am jealous with, everything that I hate, it is stored and recorded in a corner of my heart waiting to be fulfilled. Maybe that is how I get my reputation for harsh paybacks. Even though I walk around in bitterness now, I walk around with a purpose. And this will make me appreciate my life and my time more. Take care and enjoy Monday!!!